I've been a faithful reader and lurker here for years. I was afraid to post for fear that it might end badly, but here goes
It followed me home. Honest. Late one night, about a month ago, after a little more than a wee bit of Jameson's on the rocks, I may have low bid on a 2011 Volvo C30 at an online auction in Portland, Oregon. It's all a bit fuzzy. Bidding ended at $800. Tack on another $600 between fees and shipping to my company's work yard in Sacramento, CA.
Here is what I saw before I bought the car sight unseen. Somebody center-punched a pole. So I thought I would call it the PoledStar project. Polestar is Volvo's equivalent to AMG for Mercedes. There is no Polestar C30 other than the prototype Jay Leno drove, and so did Jeremy Clarkson. I'm open to suggestions.
So, the delivery driver calls me Sunday night at 11 p.m. to meet at my company's work yard at midnight. All well and good, since the woman I wake up next to lately doesn't know I bought a (another) project car. I planned to drop it down to yard 20 miles away, triage it, and then sneak it into my one car garage in a month or so to avoid the prying eyes of my crazy neighbors and their Home Owner's Association rules about no working on cars in your own damn garage.
The funny thing about plastic bumpers is they want to return to their original shape. The rest of it...ahhhh not so much. I must try and remember that next time.
The driver and I get it off the truck adn I proceede to remove what's left of the bumper cover, swapped the spare tire for the cracked right front rim, and pulled the upper radiator support forward with a winch tied to the faithful 04 Porsche Cayenne's trailer hitch to open the hood before shooting this quick walk around at midnight. After checking the oil level, I tried to jump start it with a spare battery, but it just keeps making solenoid noise, spinning eleectric motor, but no engagement.. The starter is directly behind the impact point, so I say a novena that it's just the starter adn not a cracked bellhousing or block.
In addition to the obvious, it needs a piece of the upper motor mount (cracked), starter motor (cracked), right front control arm, spindle, steering end link, strut, right cv shaft, and Airbox. If you hated the shaky cam feel of the Blair Witch project, look away. Here is a first pass on the damage:
Blair Witch shaky cam again. I also believe in the therapeutic and copious use of swear words, as demonstrated here when checking out the Bonus Damage behind the right front wheel: https://youtu.be/vDFXfGCCFVU
The car remained at the work yard for two weeks. During that time, I swapped out the mangled lower control arm which thankfully bolted right up, and mostly went spelunking at my local pick-a-part after work, stripping bits off of a clean 2007 Volvo S40. They got a kick out of the "Porsche guy" who would show up at 5:15, thirty minutes before closing and leave empty handed, until the last day when I wheeled out the crash bumper , radiators, fans, intercooler, hoses, wires, connectors, condenser, etc as a single unit. It was literally everything in front of the engine that mounts to the chassis legs. It always seems to work out cheaper that way. That lump got stashed at the side of the house on a folding table, along with the hood, upper radiator support, and the rest of the right front suspension.
I started getting antsy with the threat of Coronavirus lockdown, so last Saturday evening, I rented a tow dolly, saddled up at the yard and rolled into my quiet cul de sac at midnight. Shennanigans ensued. Two hours later, the car was in the garage over the lift.
Dragging a dead car onto and off of a tow dolly is a chore. Actually dragging it on was easy. Sneaking it back off onto my short uphill driveway two weeks later was less than optimal. That's a euphemism for it was a right PITA. Which part sucked more: 1) the attempt at backing a tow dolly through an "S" turn (8th try was the charm) or 2) dragging it into the garage using wheel dollies, jacks, a gimpy come-along and, finally a lightweight electric winch? Let's call it a tie. It felt like an accomplishment, and you gotta celebrate the small victories.
That's all for now. More carnage to follow soon.
Regards,
Brian C.