I'm hitting the pause button on selling the 128i (again).
Over the past year (maybe longer), I've been a bit lost. I got into racing cars (autoX and time trials) years ago, which brought out my innate competitive streak. I lost sight of why I went down that path in the first place and somewhere along the way, it stopped being fun. I even made threads about giving it up altogether:
https://grassrootsmotorsports.com/forum/grm/do-any-of-you-ever-think-about-giving-up-this-hobby/258924/page1/
In recent years this hobby has brought me far more pain than it has pleasure. For all of my inherent overthinking, I've struggled to articulate what I've been looking for. For the first time in a while, I started journaling today. I almost forgot how helpful it is to write out my thoughts and feelings. It helps me to sort them out and forces me to dig a bit deeper. The following is my entry for today that I figured I would share in this thread, to help explain all the things, probably not to anyone reading, but more to myself. Read at your own risk:
Today I am at another crossroads with this car addiction of mine. I do not want to obsess with building, buying or selling cars, 24/7. I do not want to be constantly in debt buying the latest XYZ car parts just to be competitive in some league. I do not want to spend all of my time in the garage, hurting my back and destroying my healthy workout and spontaneous date night habits. I’ve always been the type of person to hear about something interesting, no matter how random, and head in that immediate direction with a smile on my face. The idea of a strict competition schedule also doesn’t seem terribly appealing at this point in my life- getting up at 5am on my days off, driving halfway across the state, walking an autoX course for an hour, trying to eek every last ounce of performance out to try and stay competitive, stressing over not being able to make an event due to my other more important priorities- my family, my profession and just living my life in general.
However, that doesn’t take away from a passion of mine. A passion for driving. A love for vehicles. I just don’t want the constant car-building, or car buying/selling obsession anymore. I don’t want to spend all of my time, money and effort on them, just to keep selling them, buying new ones and starting all over again. I no longer enjoy the cycle.
I’ve given some thought about what else I would like to do. Competitive racing might not be in the cards right now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a hobby. A passion I chase that helps make life worth living. I’ve talked it over with my poor wife and the small group of people I call friends, pondering what else I would like to do with the excess mental energy that builds up on a regular basis? Then it hit me: not only do I have a passion for driving, I have a passion for writing. I am my mother’s son. That woman was a beautifully creative writer, journaling all of her adventures, thoughts and memories for years, eventually forming them into a book. For all who have read through my long-winded, get-to-the-point word-salads and car reviews, well, I blame her.
With these things in mind, a plan is slowly forming. A plan that involves keeping my lowly BMW 128i.
I think I’m going to start a blog. Maybe travel to different tracks around the country. Learn to take photos, journal my experiences. There are so many tracks I’ve thought about driving on, from the time I first played the original Gran Turismo games as a kid. Why not make a point to start visiting these places? But not in a strict competition with an uncompromising schedule. Turn them into vacations. See the countryside. Stay in random hotels, drive all the tracks I’ve seen on a screen but never experienced in real life and in the evenings experience everything the local areas to these tracks has to offer. Take as many photos and make as many memories as possible, and when I’m good and worn out, sit down behind a keyboard.
Now that I’m thinking about it, a plan is starting to formulate:
1. Start my own blog/website. I honestly don’t care about clicks or views. I just like to experience life and write about what I’ve seen, even if no one actually reads it.
2. No need to make the 128i super competitive. No need for all the power, or the stiffest suspension, or the widest tires. No need for anything that would ruin it as a street car. Just the necessities to keep it alive and running under stress (the baffled oil pan and oil cooler in my garage are probably a good idea). Honestly, with all the prep I've done over the past 1.5 years, the car doesn't need much else.
3. Start planning the journey. Where I/we want to go. What we’ll do when we get there. Schedule some time off (I think I currently have around ~700 hours of time off collectively at work- I really need to start burning more of it!), grab the keys and make memories. I’ve run entirely too many laps at Laguna Seca in video games to have never seen it in real life… and I’m sure there are plenty of sights to see and new foods to try when we get there!
4. Maybe occasionally sign up for a performance driving school- I’ll admit, I’ve enjoyed every driving school I’ve ever been to and always like getting better, even if there’s no trophy at the end of the season!
5. Every once and a while, do something to the car. Maybe once a year, have a mild project to make it just that much more fun, without getting out of hand or ruining it for cross-country duty.
6. Learn to take more photos. Maybe actually put some time into learning how to take photos that don’t look like complete garbage.
7. At the end of every adventure, write it down. Capture the memories.
I'd like to say that I’ve been looking for a purpose for this stupid BMW, but I don’t think that’s accurate. I think it’s more accurate to say that I’ve been looking for a purpose. After months of contemplation, I think I might have found what I was looking for.
When I come up with a catchy name and actually start the site, I'll be sure to share with my fellow GRM'ers that might be interested in following along.