Between my health struggles and that period of time where Photobucket straight up blocked external hosting, I lost motivation to keep updating here a long time ago. A lot has happened since then, so I'm going to update in two separate posts, because they are episodes of their own.
It was so exciting to overcome my health limitations and complete my first Rallysprint. The next one to follow was in the winter of 2018, and we had genuinely perfect winter conditions for the event, and my studded Hakka8s. Between those and the car's LSD, there was nothing like screaming down roads with a mix of glare ice and thin layers of snow with 100% confident control. This was honestly some of the most fun I've ever had behind the wheel!
Unfortunately, my condition continued to decline, and it started becoming far more than "making the best of things", and turned into actual struggle. The inflammatory process began to involve my hands, wrists, the tendons and muscles in my arms, and my spinal issues began to involve my neck. I no longer had upper body strength to make up for my compromised hips, knees and ankles. Working on the car became all but impossible, and even getting in and out of the car itself was dreadful. Simple, mundane daily tasks were becoming massive undertakings. As much as I loved accomplishing this, it was becoming tougher and tougher to enjoy. When putting on socks becomes a five-minute process that you have to take breaks during, the idea of maintaining and racing a rally car seriously comes into question!
Fast forward to July 2018, and I was still holding it together just enough to give it one more go.
Exhausted and struggling to walk, I wedged myself in the car and drove my heart out. I was having fun in the moment, but in the back of my mind I had a feeling this was going to be the last time I ever did this. As always, the love and support of my club meant I was going to continue volunteering until I was incapacitated, but far as I knew my competition days were ending that afternoon.
I love my friends. It was lifesaving having a crew that day, it was a new feeling watching someone else swap out my wheels and check over the car! It was the only way I could even race that day, I couldn't even push a jack-handle down, let alone wrench! Everyone in the entire New England Region SCCA Rally program - RallyCross, RallySprint, Road Rally, they're the reason I kept pushing and, even when I wanted to so badly, never gave up.
I had a wonderful day, my third stage event in the books, towed the car home, put it in the garage and continued my decline. Just kept going to work, suriving but finding life more and more difficult by the day. The car sat, and sat, and sat. The month after my last race, I drove to an open house of sorts at Team O'Neil Rally School to see my friends and fellow drivers. Got a few offers to drive a bit, got helped into a friend's logbooked E30. When I was done I had to have two people extract me from the car, screaming from the pain of the normally mundane task of exiting a caged car.
After this, I didn't even bother trying to get back in my rally car again. Why even bother, I thought? If I tried racing again and the car rolled or caught fire, I would die in it before I could get out on my own, and I was too sick and exhausted all the time to enjoy anything anyway. I started feeling frustration even looking at it. Despite my love for the car and everything I'd been through with it, it upset me seeing it collect dust while my body collapsed at age 28. Eventually I broke down and decided I didn't want to see it anymore, the constant reminder of what I had lost the ability to enjoy. Listed the car for sale, had someone come and get it and watched it drive away. It had to be done, but it felt so hollow watching everything I'd done just drive off. BUT it was either that or just let it sit and collect dust forever, because I couldn't even use it. I just sat down on my bed and cried, honestly. There's no sugarcoating that.
Now, you may be reading this and thinking "Wow, this is f*#$ing awful, what a terrible ending," and at the time, it was indeed the end. But, that was like three years ago at this point, and more was yet to come. I'm going to type up Episode 2 now. Stand by!