Cooling system frustrations

I think I'm becoming an air-cooled VW/Porsche fanatic without ever owning one...

My 2000 SL2- replaced the cracked radiator and original water pump last July at 147K miles. Works fine until December, when the water pump seal starts seeping coolant, and starts leaking from the upper cylinder head outlet, no matter how much I tighten the clamp.

My wife's 1997 SL2- replaced cracked radiator and junk thermostat at 179K miles. T-stat housing pisses coolant essentially non-stop (tried re-sealing it twice now) and now other random heater core return hoses leaking coolant. Also, level sensor in reservoir tank is gummed up, so the "low coolant" light flashes constantly.

Why the hell can't I fix a goddamned cooling system? Is coolant made up of ground up endangered pandas, baby seal tears, and unicorn horns that no hose clamp can contain?

And also, in case you missed it, if you buy a used S-series, expect to replace the radiator. Some idiot in Tennessee said, "Well shoot, we built the body panels out of plastic, let's make the radiator out of it, too!" Great idea guys. Excuse me if I forget to clap.

It isn't just Saturns with plastic tanked radiators, most cars have them. Best just to replace them when the get old. Sounds like you have Dex-cool in your cars. Do yourself a favor and get it out of there and use long life green antifreeze instead. That should reduce the gumming up problems and maybe help with the leaks.