Dumbest thing you've heard

Heard way more stupid stuff when I still had a sportbike, then I do with the e30.

Everyone with a 600 supersport thinks there bike, and they themselves, have done 200mph.

GameboyRMH wrote: If I could only remember it all...I try to forget all that stuff because it makes me want to go on a shooting spree. Typical American response to finding out about my car: "OMG FWD and only 4cylinders that totally sucks you should sell it for scrap!!!!1" Typical general-purpose idiot response: "OMG that's so old you needs a new car!!!!1 Don't you like the (insert E36 M3ty, extremely overrated new pseudo-sports car here?)" - "No it's heavy and (insert plethora of design mistakes here) and ugly as homemade soap" - (Insert bewildered look here) Worst of all is the crap you hear when people find out, against your best efforts, that you race your car. "ZOMG THATS SO DANGEROUS!!!1!1ONE" "How much money can you win?" "So what kind of race car do you have? You race the car you drive!?!? This does not compute!!!! " "Do you have a supercharger or a turbocharger or NAWZ? (insert sad look when I tell them no)" Also this is the worst thing of all to hear when someone hits your car. I haven't heard it myself but if this happens to me, I may kill the person with my bare hands: "Chill dude it's just an old car, jeez..."

Are you easily irritable?

Canadian Bacon, wtf is that? One of the most ridiculous words I've ever heard, it looks like ham.

I worked at Wal-Mart for a few years in high school and college (during breaks). One winter, they needed cart pushers, so I was taken from my nice job in Hardware to work outside in the snow and wind. Turned out to be a pretty neat job since I was the only one qualified to use the remote cart pusher. Also, we rarely did ANYTHING and I was paid quite a handsome sum for it.

Anyway, a friend of mine was restoring an IROC-Z Camaro. We were chatting about V-8s and stuff (I had my Mustang at the time) and a guy from the eye department came up to us to join our conversation. I already knew this guy was full of crap (he had tried to tell a couple of friends of mine that his "600 hp" cough -bull cookies- cough Xterra could burn out so hard that it wouldn't even move), but we let him talk to us. He came up and said:

"Yeah, my Xterra probably couldn't beat your IROC-Z, but I used to have a Honda Civic . . . 500 horsepower."

us: "Is that right?"

"Yeah, it had a turbo, a muffler, a sweet intake, and a super charger. But the turbo could be turned on and off - like NOZ. Yeah. It was so fast!"

us: "You could turn it off?"

"Yeah. You know. It was this big circle that sat on top of the engine and spun. And it would shoot electricity into the gas tank."

us: "Into the gas tank?"

After that, we started asking him if he had, you know, muffler bearings, sparkplug pulleys, etc. Of course, he did.

EDIT - And don't you DARE knock Canadian Bacon! It may appear to be "just ham", but in reality, it's sooo much more. I wonder what our Canadian friends would think if they read your post?

I had a kid come into my parts store on day and claim he had a turbo neon. Ok.. sounds like it mighta been legit. Then the kid says he can turn the turbo on when ever he wants with the toggle switch on the dash.....uh, what?..LOL

A guy I know who is usually very knowledgeable and very mechanical told me his S10 Blazer had a turbo when he bought it, and he disconnected the wiring so he could save wear and tear and gas mileage.

What?

Its really weird, cause alot of other stuff this guy is right about, and he works on his own stuff, and most all of it is in good condition, and hes an older fella. I had hoped at first that maybe on the off chance somebody swapped in the motor from a cyclone or typhoon or something, but no. Just an average 1995ish blazer. And then he said he disconnected the wiring to it, which tells me he doesn't understand how a turbo even works. Or maybe I don't? I guess the waste gate could be left open?

Joey

DirtyBird222 wrote: Are you easily irritable?

Yes.

Almost everytime I am filling up my Spitfire, someone walks up and tells me his brother-cousin-etc. used to have an MG just like mine.

In the late 1970s I was trying to sell a TR3 with no luck. I got a call from a an african american woman who asked me if it had an automtic transmission. Then she asked me if I would finance it. She had not even seen it.

I have a doofus brother in law (but an overall good guy) that years ago told me his ratted-ass Mustang was a Shelby Mustang and the seats were from a Maserati. It had shag carpet in the ceiling.

I went for a fill-up in my 914 and I guess someone before me was losing coolant. A good samaritan at the pump next to mine kindly pointed out that I was losing antifreeze and I should have that looked at.

hotrodlarry wrote: I had a kid come into my parts store on day and claim he had a turbo neon. Ok.. sounds like it mighta been legit. Then the kid says he can turn the turbo on when ever he wants with the toggle switch on the dash.....uh, what?..LO

Uhhhh.... that's the AC switch sir....

Lugnut wrote: I went for a fill-up in my 914 and I guess someone before me was losing coolant. A good samaritan at the pump next to mine kindly pointed out that I was losing antifreeze and I should have that looked at.

I will not hold it against the average person that they expect all cars to be water cooled, and do not recognize early Porsches as being aircooled.

And, umm, maybe I'm crazy but aren't coolant and antifreeze synonymous? Well, I guess antifreeze is something you add to your coolant mix. Again, I won't fault a layman for using an improper term.

GameboyRMH wrote: Also this is the worst thing of all to hear when someone hits your car. I haven't heard it myself but if this happens to me, I may kill the person with my bare hands: "Chill dude it's just an old car, jeez..."

Well, they don't make 'em anymore, but dumbasses are born every day, so by simple supply and demand, your old car is worth more than his life.

Strangle away! :)

Too many stories from days behind the parts counter...

Lady: "I need an air cleaner"

me: "what kind of car?"

lady: "A blue one."

me: "we only have them for red and black right now..."

Man: "I need spark plugs and wires for a '79 Fairmont."

me; "6 cyl or 8 cyl?"

man: "how should I know? you're the parts guy! Isn't it in your book?"

I was parked at a show next to a 289 FIA Cobra replica, nicely done, except it had the AC badges on it, not the Cobra ones. An older guy and his daughter were showing it. As I was cleaning off my V8 RX7 (which got it's share of dumbass comments) I said, "nice Cobra replica. Really well done." the daughter said "it's not a replica, it's a real one."

Curious, I was like, "oh really?"

The dad said, "yup. it's an original '59 AC Cobra, before Shelby put his name on them."

I said, "AC didn't make Cobras in '59, they just made the Ace with the 4 cyl and Bristol inline 6s"

He popped the hood and showed me the 289 and AC build tag. "See, it's real."

Normally, I won't say much except nod and let it go, but his whole tone and body language needed a smartass response...

Me: "well, the flares and the engine were put in later."

Him: "no they weren't. Those are original."

Me: "the original AC cars didn't HAVE fender flares, and neither did the first Cobras in '62, they just had a little lip around the openings. The flares were added for the FIA cars to go racing in '64. The flares were part of the aluminum body, not fiberglass. AC couldn't have put the 289 in the cars in '59 because the Ford smallblock didn't even EXIST until late in '61, and then it was only in 221 cid form. Shelby's first Cobras used the 260, and only got the 289 late in '63 when Ford started making them in that size. Your car is a nice replica, and it might have an AC build tag. But it's physically impossible for it to be a 'real' 289 AC Cobra from 1959!"

Of copurse I had to post those stories in this thread at the HAMB: http://www.jalopyjournal.com/forum/showthread.php?t=88729

Hot rodders get all the idiots commenting on their cars...

confuZion3 wrote: "Yeah. You know. It was this big circle that sat on top of the engine and spun. And it would shoot electricity into the gas tank."

I NEED one of those for my car.

I have a couple older vehicles that I bring to shows now and then. It's fun to stand 25 feet away so it's not obvious that it's my car, and listen to the spectators. Usually the best ones are guys trying to impress their girlfriends with their car knowledge. That was how I found out how the 352 V8 in my old Ford truck is actually "that special racing engine, you know, the one that was only available if you knew someone at the factory."

i got lots of people at the parts counter who not only didn't know the model of their car, but couldn't even tell me who made it! i don't know how many times i heard "i need x part for my car" me-what kind of car is it? moron - i dunno its blue [points to car in parking lot].

another favorite of mine was this: moron - "my car wouldn't start and i had to get a jump, what's wrong with my car?" me - "you probably need a new battery." moron - "no, the car runs just fine after i start it, i think i need a new starter" me - "well you're the expert then."

i had one lady get so mad at me when i told her her mitsubishi that just puked a timing belt was an interference engine. "that doesn't make any sense! why would they make a car that did that!?!" me - "why would someone buy a car and not perform regular maintenance on it, like changing the timing belt?"

I heard this one last Thursday at a social gathering.

"You race a Miata? I just can't see a Miata being a good race car."

"Nice M3" to my old daily driver 318iA. All the time.

My favorite: Explaining to women at bars that there are other forms of racing in the world than NASCAR.

Type Q wrote: I heard this one last Thursday at a social gathering. "You race a Miata? I just can't see a Miata being a good race car."

I had something similar to that after I got my Miata. A friend asked why I would want to use a Miata for that.

Or when I mention that I use the Miata for drift and people ask why I didn't get a 240sx. "I like the Miata better. The 240sx doesn't get me as excited. I do more open track and auto-x than drift. The drift craze has pushed up the price on 240s to a point where I can get a nicer Miata for cheaper. The cool engine that can be swapped into a 240 isn't street legal in Cali."

Then there's always the "you do know about the 'girly' reputation for Miatas, right?" Yes. I do. I don't care. I have a rollbar and hassle cars on the track with 100hp more than me.

When it comes to mistakes, people always mistake my car for a Levin, even after seeing the headlights. It's especially funny because in my country Levins have a reputation for being a car whose speed is exceeded only by its RAW DANGER after a gruesome high-speed accident in the Mid-90s that made anything called Levin nearly uninsurable due to shock value alone. It's a running joke to car enthusiasts but to the general public it's like "OOOH LEVIN SCARY!"

Sammies and Wranglers are interchangeable to many people. Sometimes Defender 90s even get thrown into the mix, which would be somewhat understandable if they were about 50% smaller.

confuZion3 wrote: EDIT - And don't you DARE knock Canadian Bacon! It may appear to be "just ham", but in reality, it's sooo much more. I wonder what our Canadian friends would think if they read your post?

Actually, I can't buy canadian bacon in Canada. So, I have to agree, it deserves to be knocked. Sort of like french dressing, italian dressing, and many other food types that for some reason have to be given a nationality, when in fact they do not represent that country at all. Now, peameal bacon (which has, for many years been rolled in cornmeal as opposed to peameal) is next to Godliness.

Salanis wrote: (enter elipsis here) and do not recognize early Porsches as being aircooled.

I like to think of them as being oil cooled. Why else would they hold two gallons of oil?

I have two TransAm stories.

A guy walks into the parts place, wants plugs for a TransAm. This was back in the mix n' match GM engine days so I asked him if it had an Olds or Pontiac engine. He shoots me a stare that would peel paint and says 'Pontiac'. Okey doke. Pontiac it is. An hour later he's back with the plugs, they won't fit. So I get the Olds engine plugs, they are correct. Redneck wants to chew my ass for giving him the wrong plugs, I point out that it's because his T/A has an Olds, not Pontiac, engine. He starts foaming at the mouth and yelling that ain't no damn Pontiac got no damn Oldsmobile motor and he's gonna kick my ass. Okey doke, kill the messenger. The manager threw him out.

Then there was the night I was out trolling for college girls and I bumped into a guy who recognized me from my dad's speed shop and struck up a conversation. This guy had a TransAm as well and started telling me how fast it was. 'It'll do 210 miles an hour!' I was still young enough that I didn't know when to keep my mouth shut and I said the only way a T/A would do 200 was if it was fired from a cannon or something smart alecky like that. HE started foaming at the mouth and screaming 'GET IN THE CAR! I'LL PROVE IT!' Uh, go out for a ride with a drunk mad redneck who's intent on going 200 MPH? Nope, not me. Later I figured he was probably reading the KPH ring which means about 130. Tthat's still too fast to be riding with a drunk redneck .

Then there was the guy who saw me pull into the local Advance in the J-H, asked about it. Nice guy. Then he started telling me about the 'V12 Interceptor'. :Per we need rolleyes emoticon:

mistanfo wrote: Actually, I can't buy canadian bacon in Canada.

This replaces my earlier statements as, well, my answer to the thread topic.