Filling up the racing budget, what works?

Driven5 said:

Will the real frenchyd please stand up?

frenchyd said:

STM317 said:

Hindsight is 20/20 and all, but if you could redo it knowing what you know now, would you change anything?

No not a single thing!! I made my choices with my eyes wide open. None were impulsive or foolish. My late wife gave me two daughters I’m extremely proud of and love deeply. They’ve given me grandchildren who cause me to melt!

the Vacations I took with my family were for them. Putting up with me traveling all the time. Leaving at 4:00am getting home at 11:00 pm  

I’ve really worked hard and enjoyed the rewards of that hard work.  I’m one of only a relative handful of Navy pilots  who got to fly off WW2 Essex class carriers.  The Navy paid me to learn and paid for me to get over 1000 flight hours and 125 carrier take offs  and 119 landings.  

I raced Sir Stirling Moss and beat him ( once)  as well as slept in AJFoyts bed. Paul Neumann asked to borrow my MGTD once and Dale Earnhardt bought me lunch.  

I wouldn’t believe it’s all happened to me if I wasn't right there.  

Regrets?  Heck no!  I want to enjoy the rest of my life and slide sideways into the grave with a loud crash and a pheeewwww! That was close, I almost missed my funeral. 

...

frenchyd said:

So in spite of the pleasure I got from creating my house I'm not allowed to finish it.

On Race car though there doesn't seem to be any compromise position. 
I've been a car guy since I was 5. It's my go to place.  
She is equally adamant no race car.   

That's where we started out.  I really liked it.  I'd love if we got back to that. But she gets extremely defensive.

 

If you really want to be sure your eyes are still wide open, I'd recommend individually re-reading every single line you wrote in this cry for help of a thread, and immediately follow each one with re-reading the first sentence of nocones' post above.

So. Many. Red. Flags.

Did you miss the fact that we are talking about two different women?  Late wife should have covered it. 
         Joan Died in winter of 2013. I met and fell in love with Claudia that Thanksgiving.  
 

In reply to frenchyd :

You need to communicate with your wife clearly.  

frenchyd said:

Did you miss the fact that we are talking about two different women?

I am well aware of that... You may have been talking about two different women, but the concern is in seeing two different men doing the talking.  

nocones said:

Counseling seems like a good option here.  

I never ask my wife for permission to do anything and she never asks me.  We pool all money into 1 account and each spend whatever we want on whatever we want.    But, we both have each other's and our families best interest at heart.  We never do things that we collectively can't afford and would setback our mutual goals.  I don't buy cars that are outside of our budget.  I don't plan events that consume all of my vacation leaving none for family activities.   I don't spend endless hours in the shop or at the bar leaving her to raise the kids.  My goals and desires are set in the expectation of what I need to do as a husband and father.   

If your SO is keeping you from racing or wrenching or any hobby when you/your family can afford to do it and time after meeting your family commitments exists for your pursuit of these things then that is signs that changes need to be made.  It's probably best to enlist help to work through it.  You need to consider that she may be right about your situation and you are being unreasonable to persue these things.    

 

You are assuming a lot of things most aren't correct.   First we both are seniors. The family is long past raised. We both agree that we don't intrude on our children's  lives unless asked, then with kindness and love foremost.  
   We are about 2& 1/2 years from full retirement.  (76 & 70 )  

  We are both Home bodies I'm the only one working outside the house.  I have never gone bar hopping or anything other than home.  

     With my late wife when we still had kids at home my job required long hours.  She liked staying home except the family vacation.  Or socializing with her family. Often done while I was racing on the weekends. 
     I loved being home whenever I could. 
occasionally my late wife would join my racing events.  Not for the racing but she liked going to warm tropical places in the winter. Kids in school were with family members.  
   I spent the last 3 weeks by her side as she passed from cancer. 
      My current wife was first introduced to my hobby the day we met.  Until  2021  I put working on the house as my only activity other than work. When she took over the finishing. That freed me to go down in the shop 4-5 hours a week and "play car" ( her words) 

 Budget wise  I have spent less than 1% of our income  in my hobby.  While denying myself most of the things I'd like.  I have a big cruiser I bought new in 1978 that could use a little.  A unfinished billiard  room. A man cave .   
  I finished her sewing room.  Her office, her kitchen, the laundry room, walk through closet,   moved rooms around  at her request. Dining room became the great room and great room the dining room.  (I hated doing it but now she was right it's better). 
     
        

       

Driven5 said:

frenchyd said:

Did you miss the fact that we are talking about two different women?

I am well aware of that... You may have been talking about two different women, but the concern is in seeing two different men doing the talking.  

They are completely different women.  Both great in their own ways. One liked my racing. One hates the very idea. One was passive the other bossy. 

frenchyd said:

 I think my only solution is to open a credit card and have the bill sent to me. 

Or, instead, you could try being an adult and relating to your wife as if she's an adult.