The worst part of this job? It’s not the pace, the workload or the constant self-doubting.
It’s writing obits for people you knew. In j-school, you learn that it’s going to be part of the drill. It’s one of those things that has to be done.
I remember an assignment where we had to write our own obits. I know, …
Slowly learning this one. I'm thankful to not have lost anyone recently, but it's shocking how quickly I've fallen out of touch with friends from college–which was only about 5 years ago.
I'd say today is a good day for me to reach out on social media.
This post has received too many downvotes to be displayed.
Why do people fawn over their friends/family, whether living or dead? It's a waste of time and it sets you up to fail by causing you to fall to judgement. Worse yet, you get trapped into feeding a dirty ego - first yours so you can hope for them to feed yours.
It may be a Polish saying - i don't remember - but it seems to fit the bill here, "Every monster has a lover."
Learn from the Irish (me mum is half Irish). We lean more toward the celebration of life (sometimes hard when dealing with young people); I miss my dad every day but he lived life to the fullest. My father's funeral was full of stories and smiles.
As for keeping touch; I'm privileged to meet up with a group of BMX & Motocross riders/racers at a reunion party. I just got on social media 2 1/2 years ago and that was how I found out about the reunion. I went to high school with a number of these folks. They are a bunch of goofballs (much like here) and it's wonderful.
I have this saying when people I know pass "keep them in your heart every day".
In reply to Tom1200 :
My favorite Irish joke explains it well:
The only difference between an Irish wake, and an Irish wedding? One less drunken...
In reply to Junkers :
You may mean all of that to be different than as read. But as read? I hope your not as huge a negitive azz hat as ya sound.
Either that or I'm missing something.
I hope I read that wrong too.
03Panther said:In reply to Tom1200 :
My favorite Irish joke explains it well:
The only difference between an Irish wake, and an Irish wedding? One less drunken...
Ar ya sane way drenk all da time ten?
In reply to 03Panther :
I don't think you're missing anything, but he certainly is.
In reply to 300zxfreak :
It's been pointed out I can be a bit to harsh, so I'm trying not to interpret wrong!
Smarter me would leave it alone completely. Just can't!
In reply to Tom1200 :
I don't want a sad wake - have a drink for me! Love it!
03Panther said:In reply to Tom1200 :
I don't want a sad wake - have a drink for me! Love it!
Yeah I want my friends and family to talk about the goofy crazy irreverent stiff I did........and have a Guinness.
Well written, and it never gets easy. RIP to Howie and the others. 
In reply to Colin Wood :
Whenever I travel, I make it a point to call on old friends if I'm driving or message folks on FB while in the air. It helps me pass the time and helps remind an old friend that they're thought of.
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Dave's story provoked some thought in me so i asked a provocative question. Although I warned against judgment, I got judged by two guys here who simply couldn't help themselves. I get it.
In Dave's story he never gets around to calling it love, but he brings up an interesting challenge from journalism school: writing your own epitaph. What would you say about yourself? What would you want others to say about you? This is where the ego is tempted and fed. Yogi Berra said something like, "you should always show up to other people's funerals so they can show up to yours." So you want to say only good things about each other so they only say good things about you? What good is that? Is that really love? Isn't it more useful to spread correcting love rather than feel-good love?
It may be a matter of philosophy but I say there are 2 types of love - supportive love or corrective love. Add judgement to that and you pay your allegiance to lies, liars, haters, and sycophants. If you constantly say only nice things about your friends and heap praise on them, you MAY not be right about them. How many friends and lovers have each of you had who have turned out to be very different from what you judged them to be? Divorces and breakups happen more frequently these days. I hear lots of women say that it's caused by a lack of communication. Yeah, the truth doesn't get communicated often enough and we're all too afraid of the stress the truth adds to our lives. We seek pleasurable escapes and to keep company with our like-minded (I say narrow-minded) tribe. Why not learn how to handle stress and emotions properly so you can go anywhere? Every living thing needs stress to grow, otherwise it grows stagnant and limp and produces nothing useful. Then, when your friend sees something wrong with you, you don't get upset and tell him he's wrong for making you feel wrong.
I saw a meme yesterday about people having a great time with their co-workers only to have one of them turn on them and throw them under the bus. That meme spreads because people recognize the truth in it, but they're addicted to judgment so they only pass on the meme but hate the solution to the problem. Ironically, they'd rather keep the problem with the comforting judgment and shoot the messenger with the antidote! Not all people, just most.
My story is a warning to keep a bit of space between you and others - family, friends, spouse. Yeah, you can gush all kinds of supportive love on people, but then you cause them pain by clinging ever closer and needing more from them until they push you away and you cry, "betrayal." Egos are cute in little kids, but it's like feeding a baby dragon. Better to let it starve, I say.
So to the two guys I've tempted to name-call me, I'm sorry I had to do that to you (I couldn't help myself, hehe). Let's be friends instead. Why not? I didn't take it personally. Join me and you won't have any guilt.
In reply to Junkers :
If I was smart enough to understand anything you said, I wouldn't have had to ask if you really meant to be an azz hat, or not. I did not call you one. But since I used common language, you may have misunderstood.
your follow up made even less sense, but I am not judging you. I merely asked a question. You may be too smart to explain to a backwoods guy like me, but it still comes across super negitive, to us normal folks.
In reply to Junkers :
I had to re read. I fail to see where anyone called you names, or judged you unfairly. I also fail to see where you ask a provocative question. You seem (although I do not understand the form of language you use) to suggesting that things would be better if no one care about anyone else.
If that's your stand, you are not doing very well at it.
But mostly, not being on the same intellectual level as you, I'm just confused.
In reply to Junkers :
Despite my believing your post is something of a troll I'll bite:
There is nothing wrong with ego; see my post about my recently attending a BMX / Motocross reunion. There are so many talented people attending this event..........we know all we have talent and we are humble about it to a degree but put us all on bike or motorcycle and will knock each other over to be first.........and then laugh about it later.
This is why absolutely love each others company.
In reply to Tom1200 :
I looked when I first posted, to see if his was a first post, since his choice of wording is not what we usually see here. But although new, he's been around long enough to not be oblivious, unless he chooses to be.
I did not click over to read every word of the article; thought the title and short bit said what it means.
From that, aside from being hugely negative, I have no clue what he is talking about.
He did reference ego, and I agree with your explanation, understanding where your going.
But the leap from caring about others, to his rants against, that - no clue where his ego,putting down anyone that doesn't agree with him, or where ego, comes in at all!
I truly am too dense to really understand the internet definition of troll, but I'm wondering if he might be an example? I don't really know.
This is somewhat of a timely subject for me. On Sunday I will be heading to SoCal to get together with 6 of my friends who I met in the 70s. This will be the second get together. Last year was supposed to be at Mt. Whitney but the weather turned so we ended up at Lone Pine which was fitting since several of us had raced there for years. The weather was mediocre but we did what we have always done – made the best of what we had to work with. It was a blast. All of us have decided to continue to do it as long as we are still breathing.
Some were roommates, most were Mulholland guys, some became part of my racing activities, one was a co-driver who had also intro’d me to AutoX, we also raced against each other at times.
We tell the stories, give a salute and raise a glass to those who are gone. One of the guys passed just before we decided to do this. And my lady of 20 years passed a month after. We talk about our parents some of whom were like second mothers / fathers to us – and who are all gone. All are greatly missed. We do that because it is the human thing to do.
We are spread out throughout the west and we keep in touch one way or another.
In reply to Junkers :
I'll gladly be your friend. But at a distance. 
Appleseed said:In reply to Junkers :
I'll gladly be your friend. But at a distance.
That's one reason I love you guys. Even folks I might have had a disagreement with, I know most would pitch in to help if I broke down, passin' through their town!
Great folks.
Don't know I'd ever call him a friend, but I'd store a car, or enable as I can, if he needs it!
Back in August I went to my wife's grandmother's memorial and burial.
Wife's second cousin was there, a guy that most of the family hadn't seen in a decade or two. Two or three weeks after grandma's memorial he died in his sleep from a heart attack.
You just never know.
In reply to Junkers :
So if I understand right, love, hate, or ignore all objectively and with caution, got it .
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