Make time to check in on your friends | Column

Tom1200 said:

In reply to Junkers :

I tell my wife she is beautiful every day (because she is). When we go to sleep I say goodnight beautiful, every night..........we've been married 32 years. Pretty sure she likes the "smothering".............I get a great smile and hug before I head off to work every morning.

As for hate and ego..............I hate getting things really wrong because, yes, it wounds my ego. This motivates me to do better; no one wants to be known as a colossal screw up. Do I care what other people think about me, no. I care what I think about me.

Good Lord!  If your wife needs that kind of support each day, something's wrong.  She should be strong enough to need about one "I love you" a year without resenting you for not giving so infrequently.  Do me a favor and try telling her this: "I forgive you for everything wrong you've done to me."  If that makes you quake in fear for losing her, something's wrong.  Hell, you may have created a monster if she tries to tear your head off.  Now don't take what I've said as a personal attack, I'm only trying to help out.  You can't see that your story made me smile warmly because I know you want to be sweet to her.

Think about it, guys.  Women should be strong enough to hear you unfiltered but we're the ones who make them too delicate in our "loving" them.  They say communication is key, but what they mean is that conflict is key.  Conflict is super necessary for growth, but us men are too damn afraid.  The truth of the matter is that most women, I've found, enjoy (actually need)  a good fight and it's us who shrink away.  But how do you stand up to her?  If your wife can NEVER PROVOKE YOU into anger or judgment or resentment, ONLY THEN can you stand as a correction when she needs you most.  Yeah, you've gotta be perfect and that takes getting in touch with your intuition that you had as a child.  That always cues the mother of all excuses, "nobody's perfect."  Yeah, that's why you need to practice it.  Practice patience, practice feeling pain, practice feeling unloved, practice feeling loneliness, practice conflict, etc.  I'm not perfect, but I'm perfecting.  It's a direction, in this case not a destination.  Intuition makes you read people and situations in the NOW moment instead calling upon your intellect or bank of knowledge which is too slow and confusing.

03Panther said:

In reply to Junkers :

 "I never called you out personally for calling me any name."

Well I was one of the only two people you could have been talking about when you said two people called you names, so you might be able to see how I confused that. 
 - No, you know you called me an "azz hat" and that's a name you were applying to me using a roundabout method.  It's clear what you were doing, we all know that trick.  I caused you to out yourself using your own guilt.  CLEARLY there were not only two posters besides me.  If that were the case, then I would have to be talking to only you and the other poster.  Nice try though.

" I was saying, "why fawn over your friends - they could be scumbags"

when taken in context, us normal humans find that a very negative statement.

- What's negative about that?  Why not ask why it hurts "normal humans"?  What is a normal human anyway?  Can a noise hurt a NORMAL human?  You might say it hurts MOST humans, but why?  Wouldn't you care to know how things work?  I'm a mechanic and I love learning how things work.

You did a bit better at phrasing your last few posts in a way us less enlightened, less intelligent people can understand. But still way above my simple head. What I did get, this round, is you are talking about stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with the article written. 
I'll step out completely, and allow the thread to continue. 
(this means, incase you don't understand us lower life forms, no need to reply to me, I'll not be a part of... whatever this is

- I'm not an intellectual and you're not any less intelligent than me, you just have emotions which get in your way.  At this point I get the feeling you resent me and can't see straight enough to continue calmly so I'll quit with you.  I don't mean to pick on you or anyone here, I would've just rather people question me without being under the influence of emotions.  For that matter, I recommend that nobody drive a car or operate heavy machinery or cast a vote under the influence of emotions - they're deadly.

Tom1200 said:

Junkers said:

Good Lord!  If your wife needs that kind of support each day, something's wrong.  She should be strong enough to need about one "I love you" a year without resenting you for not giving so infrequently.  Do me a favor and try telling her this: "I forgive you for everything wrong you've done to me."  If that makes you quake in fear for losing her, something's wrong.  

I find this hilarious:

A. My wife doesn't need anything from me. I adore and let her know every day. Besides she makes homemade pasta...........and that's all the appreciation I need.  

B. Forgive her............for what? She's a friggin saint.  She supports this stupid idiot hobby of mine. 

C. She's hot.............and after 32 years of it working well I surely won't be taking advise from some dude on the internet.

So bringing this back to David's original post whether it's your wife or a friend sometimes all they really you need is to know someone is thinking about them.

You've helped me make my point of supportive love.  I thought you were simply saying sweet things about your wife, but that's not the case at all.  You shower her with praise so that you can get what you want out of her - sex, continued marriage, peace, whatever.  You can't live without her.  You'd be crushed if you lost her.  You wouldn't dare tell your wife that you forgive her because you're afraid. 

What you're doing to your wife each night is called praying to god.  Your wife is your god.  I'll give you an easier challenge, STOP praying to her each night for one week IF YOU DARE.  You see, praise is an opiate.  It loses its effect and more is necessary.  If she is addicted to your praise and gets something out of it, you'll be depriving her of her food.  Ah, but words are not food!  You will discover your wife has a big bad ego.

Now the funny thing to me is why you needed to degrade yourself in comparison to your wife.  You made yourself out to be Homer Simpson compared to her saintliness.  What hobby are you ashamed of and who are you calling stupid idiots for participating in it?    A real woman wouldn't want her husband degraded - if she wants you degraded, it's because she is in control of everything in your house and you.

You say that she's "hot".  You're no gentleman, sir.  To call your wife "hot" insults the mother of your children and her own father and mother and your children most of all.  Ask your children how they feel when you slurp all over their mother.  For that matter, do any of you wonder why most kids are embarrassed by their parents?  Usually it's because they know that daddy is just another one of mommy's kids.  She simply mothers him sexually and that embarrasses your kids.  Does that statement offend anyone?  GOOD, you need to be offended.  Men should seek to be cured of their improper relationship with sex.  Our fathers were guilty, but our grandfathers were not the sex addicts and perverts we've become in 2022 and they lived longer and required less healthcare.  Don't you people want to improve your miserable lives?

I'll just put one simple question out there.  Drop all of your emotions and resentments and answer it honestly and plainly.

Why do humans need love?

Tom1200 said:

I'll skip the details but my wife went to check on a friend today and ended up having to call an ambulance................. So yeah check on your friends.

Intuition is a beautiful thing.  When you get a feeling you should check on someone and they actually needed you, you can thank God for allowing you to help.

Ironically, the day before Dave wrote this article I called an old friend and we chatted about 45mins.  Useless chatter and she was just fine.  She wanted a few reassurances and affirmations that I couldn't give her.  I also told her she was wrong about a few things.  We're still friends.

AnthonyGS (Forum Supporter) said:

Junkers said:

I'll just put one simple question out there.  Drop all of your emotions and resentments and answer it honestly and plainly.

Why do humans need love?

They don't need it. It helps make life a lot better though.  They want it.  
 

 

Not so.  Humans DO need love.  Think more about it and then try to answer the question of why we need love.