I punched myself out doing drum breaks springs by using the wrong tool, I sprayed black paint into my eye by looking closely at an adjustment on the nozzle, I knocked my wife's S10 blazer off a jackstand, and I have drank more gasoline than scotch in my lifetime.
Some of it has never been told to anybody.
Once I had a flat on my way to an important meeting, I stopped about a mile from my office. Did a pit stop quick change jumped in the car to race to the office. There was a huge vibration, I thought it was a bad donut. But being stupid and in a hurry, I pushed on the last mile to the office...
Get out of the car and there is my 19mm socket, 3" x 1/2" ext and 1/2" Craftsman ratchet still on the last lug night that I tightened... 
I took a class on transmission repair at the local CC. We were dissecting ATs, and after removing the valve body it came time to remove the accumulator pistons. The piston sits in a little bore and is backed with fluid and a spring... To remove them you pop them down and let the spring launch them up out of the bore. If your not careful to drain the fluid first when you pop them down it force the fluid out of the bore and up through the tiny orifice pointing towards your face. Damn things would squirt a good 4 feet high... LOTS of people go sprayed by those.
Laying under a car removing a rusted suspension bolt, bolt head broke off, socket&breaker bar hit me between the eyes, then I jerked my head back by reflex and hit my head on the concrete 
Dropped a washer down a holley carb through the intake and into a CC. It clattered like hell on start-up, removed all the carbon...but I don't recomend it.
Bad news: dropped a carb mixture screw into the open injection port on a Vespa motor. On the clock.
Good news: got to learn how to tear down and reassemble a Vespa motor. Off the clock.
My friend and I were changing the cap/rotor on our 1981 Datsun 210. Didn't take note of how the spark plug wires connected up. The backfire that ensued blew open the muffler.
The first relatively big job I did myself on my Monte was a timing chain. i was in high school and it had jumped a couple teeth. After everything was back together I started it and it sounded perfect. I cruised down the block, turned the corner and got on it and Kaboom. I had left my cheater pipe, about a foot long piece of black pipe in the fan shroud, it rolled back into the fan and was shot through the radiator.
Scott Lear wrote: Anyway, after putting all the under-hood stuff together, I figured I'd fire it up to make sure that all was working before I put it on the ground. I stuck the key in, twisted, heard the usual Honda "chur-chur-chur" and then a huge, heart-stopping, sickening CLANG/WHOMP. Since I was kinda paranoid about errors I was off the starter instantly, but I was sure I'd killed the whole thing somehow. There was every indication that I had done the timing belt correctly, but my only thought was that I'd just killed my B18C5. Thankfully, I was only mostly stupid. I'd left a 1/2 inch ratchet on the crank pulley bolt from where I was rotating the engine to adjust the valves, and the handle hit the base of the TEIN damper. I saw no damage--if anything, the damper seems to have absorbed the blow in a damperific way--and after double-checking that the torque on the crank pulley bolt was still correct, it all went back together and got me to work this morning in typical VTEC glory. Anybody else do anything this stupid recently?
That's why I ALWAYS use a ratchet to turn the crank and not a breaker bar!
I rebuilt a nasty gunked up KA24DE for my 240sx. Easy-off oven cleaner is much better than anything else at cleaning baked on gunk and carbon but it also took the color coded paint marks off my cams. It cranked up and ran but it took me a while to figure out why it would only idle at 2k and sounded like a rotary with no muffler! Once I put the cams in their correct locations it ran great 
RexSeven wrote: I also once put a PB&J sandwich on my intake manifold while I was under my 7's hood and left it there by accident. I drove the car to the store that day and started panicking when I noticed a weird smell wafting from the A/C. Turns out I grilled the sandwich on it; it even had "13B INJECTION" written on it backwards. Mmmm... grilled peanut butter & jelly sandwich... [drools loudly]
Did you eat it? 
Jake wrote:RexSeven wrote: I also once put a PB&J sandwich on my intake manifold while I was under my 7's hood and left it there by accident. I drove the car to the store that day and started panicking when I noticed a weird smell wafting from the A/C. Turns out I grilled the sandwich on it; it even had "13B INJECTION" written on it backwards. Mmmm... grilled peanut butter & jelly sandwich... [drools loudly]Did you eat it?
valve cover tacos? mmmmm
I helped a buddy replace the worn A arm bushings in his Chevelle. We didnt have a press, so we used a c clamp and a bottle jack. My buddys brother was inspecting the bulging bushing real close after pumping the jack several times, trying to figure out why it wasnt coming out...at the exact moment when he turned his head to ask us to pump the jack another time or 2, the bushing fired out of the arm directly where his head was only a split second before, and went thru the insulated aluminum garage door and punched a hole in the radiator of the car parked outside. He was all " I saw my life flash before my eyes..." and what not. We all were really freaked out.
we took the other arm to a shop
Not in the garage, but the missus and I are in the throws of a Do-It-Yourself move from Colorado back to Oklahoma, after filling a Penske truck and my van, I still have too much crap. So we take the three day weekend to borrow a buddy's 6 x 8 ft trailer and load the van for another run there and back.
Saturday night, we are 30 miles north of the Oklahoma border in nowhere Kansas when a strange wobble appears at the wheel. We pull over and check. Nothing looks out of place, I grab all the wheels on the van and trailer and give them a good shack tech inspection style. No movement. Pull back on the road and its starts again when I hit 70, pull back over and look closer.
On the right rear passenger wheel, my mighty Free Hanna Montana Concert shuttle van has sheared 4 of the 5 lug studs holding on the wheel. Between the van and the trailer, this whole rig weighs 10,200 lbs. I was driving 70, my wife and dogs are in the vehicle with me. If this wheel had come off, you'd be reading this in the paper.
The tow truck shows up, and unfortunately Ms Mental and the dogs have to ride in the van as it is being towed. As the gravity of this situation is setting upon me, I get this text from the most awesome wife in the world;
"...Make sure to give our tow truck guy a "good game !"
The van gets towed to the local Firestone, and in the morning, as the guy is rolling into the shop, maybe 25 ft, the wheel came off.
Scott Lear wrote: Thankfully, I was only mostly stupid. I'd left a 1/2 inch ratchet on the crank pulley bolt from where I was rotating the engine t
I have done exactly that before. The breaker bar I had in the crank pulley smashed a hole in my toolbox that was lying nearby.
I've also destroyed a fresh 1-month old hood by forgetting to latch it after a RallyX and having it come up at 55mph on the highway. 5 minutes into a 13 hr drive home from the event, no less.
I hooked up jumper cables wrong one time and blew out the 100amp main fuse. Thankfully no other damage there.
Used a rubber gromet on my intake pipe to plumb in some emissions controls. The turbo sucked the grommet right through and in. Pretty much the beginning of the end for that turbo.
Oh, and one more for good measure. This one's not really my fault. I had one of those blingy aftermarket oil caps. The little screw in the center that holds in the retaining clips backed out and fell into my head while I was driving to an AutoX. When I arrived at the event, I tried fishing for it with a magnetic wand but no luck. Ran the whole day of AutoX with no issues. Removed valve cover at home and couldn't find it. Years later I found the screw in my oil pan.
Haven't done too much dumb stuff as of late. I'm typically good for punching myself in the face with an air ratchet at work(tool rotates, fastener doesn't).
A year or two ago, a friend asked me to swap out the ATF in his Impreza. I noticed it hadn't taken much new fluid on the refill...
I had dropped the ATF and dumped the new stuff into his front diff, then tried to test drive it around the block with fluid pouring out of the diff filler tube and a serious tranny slip. Waste of good Royal Purple.
When I built my SpecMiata I welded the steering wheel quick release to the column with a fluxcore welder. Didn't realize how poor a welder I am until I was halfway through turn 5 at Waterford Hills in a qualifying session. The wheel came right off !!. I've never pushed so hard on it in my life. At 54 years old I was lucky I didn't really have a heart attack!! Learned to leave welding to real welders.
wayslow wrote: To set the scene I was stitting on the driveway with my legs under the car while changing the front brake pads on my old first generation RX7. I was having a hard time getting the caliper off and managed to shake the car enough to make the axle stand slip. The car only dropped a couple of inches before it was caught by the trolley jack that I had left under the front of the car. I learned two valuable lessons that day 1) Never trust a jack stand on a sloped driveway and 2) I can run pretty fast using only my butt cheeks.
I'd add lesson 3: It never hurts to leave the jack under the car.
My story was not automotive, but I moved a 2-by board that I had spanning some joists in my floorless house the other day. I moved it without making sure that the ends were on joists. next time I came into the house I stepped on the board (like I've been doing for weeks) and down I went. I stepped on the end not supported by joists. I'm REALLY lucky the board didn't hit me somewhere like the face or torso. That would have added injury to ...um...injury.
Clem
Jake wrote:RexSeven wrote: I also once put a PB&J sandwich on my intake manifold while I was under my 7's hood and left it there by accident. I drove the car to the store that day and started panicking when I noticed a weird smell wafting from the A/C. Turns out I grilled the sandwich on it; it even had "13B INJECTION" written on it backwards. Mmmm... grilled peanut butter & jelly sandwich... [drools loudly]Did you eat it?
Hell yeah! That was one tasty sammich!
A few months ago I was called apon to go change the (Future) M-I-L's flat. I had gotten lost getting to the hospital she works at. I got lost in the hospital getting to her area to get the keys. It took me 15-20 min. looking for the tool kit in her XL7 (under the pass. side second row seat). I cant remember if I was installing or removing a lug nut, but I put enough TQ on itto rock it off of the bottle jack. Thankfully the wheel was still very secure that nothing broke when it hit the ground. I go to pull the wheel off and it was rusted to the hub, Finally a mule kick knocked it loose with out the car falling off the jack. Every thing is done and I go to take her back her keys and I get lost in the hospital again.
When I was first called in the morning, I was 10 min. away from loading up my boat and going to the river 
thats why you add all your family members to your AAA account.
Driving across the country in November 2004. At a rest stop somewhere in Montana I popped the hood to add a quart of oil to my old Metro. Dropped the hood, went on my way. A few miles later I noticed oil starting to cover the passenger side fender. Pulled to the side of the highway to investigate. I'd neglected to replace the oil cap. Lost all but about a quart of oil. I added the last bottle I had in the car and bought more at the next gas station.
On the same trip I got up to about 100mph on a long downhill stretch. The engine started sputtering like crazy. I slowed way the hell down and had to nurse the throttle to keep the engine from dying. This lasted a couple of minutes then cleared up. Never did figure out why the engine did that. That's the only time it ever happened.
One time I was removing the steering wheel from our 66 Mustang, without a puller. We had the wheel on and off a few times and never torqued back down so it shouldn't have been an issue. As my Dad worked in the garage I was pulling quite hard on the wheel. It shot off and caught me square between the eyes. I managed to keep myself quite and thought that it would have gone unnoticed until he questioned me about the blood streaming down my face. I had a lot of fun explaining that wound for a few weeks.
Is there any way to password protect this thread so our wife's can't read it?
GhiaMonster wrote: One time I was removing the steering wheel from our 66 Mustang, without a puller. We had the wheel on and off a few times and never torqued back down so it shouldn't have been an issue. As my Dad worked in the garage I was pulling quite hard on the wheel. It shot off and caught me square between the eyes. I managed to keep myself quite and thought that it would have gone unnoticed until he questioned me about the blood streaming down my face. I had a lot of fun explaining that wound for a few weeks.
ahhh ha ha yeah. The first steering wheel I ever pulled. The instructions I had were: "remove horn button and trim. Loosen, but DO NOT REMOVE NUT. Grasp wheel firmly with both hands and pull back forcefully with impact until it is loose. Remove nut and remove wheel."
I was like... wtf... why would I leave that nut on there? I'm shaving steps and saving time...
yank, yank yank OWWwwW
right in the kisser.
Lets see, I had a Mac dump truck engine fall off a bottle jack just as I was wiping the dirt off the frame rail befor reinstalling the new engine mount. What was probably only 1 minute seemed like hours untill my father got the jack back under and raised the engine off my hand. No broken bones or cuts, just pretty colours from the bruises.
Left the oil filler cap off of an 89 Mercedes SL. Only cost me a hood pad.
Burned the carpet in a customers Benz while heat shrinking the window wire repair. (always set the heat gun you just used on the shop floor)
Lets not even disscuss the cigarette pack sized plasique explosives I found under a customers car that wouldnt start. I spent the evening in a bar getting rather nicely drunk after that.
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