Share Your Jaw Dropper Things Someone Said With a Straight Face

At CompUSA, had an older gentleman throw a screaming fit on the showroom floor because he thought we were selling empty boxes. He wanted me to open the box and "show him the software."

"The car handled so hard, it broke the frame!" Mustang owner explaining how he wrecked his car after losing control, hopping a curb and hitting a large rock

"It's not the car, it's how you drive it." While possibly true, the context was a teenage girl getting ready to drag race her boyfriend. She had a very old automatic Corolla and he had a mildly modified 3000GT VR-4. 

Had a co-worker that discovered mathematical order of operations at 29 and went around the office quizzing everyone as if it was an unsolveable riddle. 

"I have some Indian blood in me... I think it's in my shoulder."

This has happened several times to me over the years.  I'm known as "the car guy" at work and I've had several coworkers approach me when they've bought a new vehicle and ask me if I want to see it.

None of these instance's involve a performance vehicle, it has been run of the mill SUV's and a sedan or two.
 

Nonetheless, I've been told "...and it'll do 160!" (or whatever is indicated on the speedometer).

Business-Polite Me:  "wow."

calteg said:

"It's not the car, it's how you drive it." While possibly true, the context was a teenage girl getting ready to drag race her boyfriend. She had a very old automatic Corolla and he had a mildly modified 3000GT VR-4. 

 

She was right...............at the 200ft mark her boyfriend would have money shifted and exploded the transmission.

A long time ago, a work colleague was alleged to have stated "I think my wife's diaphragm gives her toxic shock-- every time we have sex, she throws up."

An old lady I used to deliver to (pharmacy) was one of those chain smokers with an oxygen tube in her nose.  Her house was thick with smoke, her curtains and carpet were stained brown, and there were ashtrays everywhere.  I somehow tactfully asked if she was worried about her little dogs and the secondhand smoke, and she said "Chihuahuas have HEPA filters in them.  That's why I got them."

I laughed.  She didn't.  She genuinely believed that Chihuahuas have HEPA filters.

In reply to Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) :

Or is it they are so low to the ground they are under the smoke layer?

calteg said:

Had a co-worker that discovered mathematical order of operations at 29 and went around the office quizzing everyone as if it was an unsolveable riddle. 

 

I know plenty of adults who don't understand order of operations. 

And I failed math 12.

In reply to ShawnG :

I have completely forgotten the order of operations; I passed every class from Algebra to Calculus.

I'm also a published writer........and my grammar is total poo.

Every commercial for Relaxium sleep aid pays a more egregious insult to mathematics than the last.

First we heard that it will help us fall asleep “140% faster”…now we’re being told that we’re "260% more likely to sleep all night". 

I though we had a government agency that ensues truth in advertising...is there no one in the loop that could even eke out a C in third grade math?  

Had a new hire who somehow managed to find that a certain IC chip was blown on every single circuit board he touched.  We were building 'missile parts' for the government.  Nobody could see the big picture for obvious reasons.  We just built and tested our own little subsystems according to the printed test instructions from the government.  Our engineers and QC folks were pulling their hair out.  Turns out, the test instructions said "measure voltage between pins 6 and 7".  He was putting one lead of his Fluke on ground and jamming the other one between 6 and 7 shorting them together.  He kept a straight face the whole time.

Suspension bridge in the act of oil-canning

In reply to A 401 CJ :

Tacoma Narrows Bridge........we use this to reference epic fails.

Lasted about 3 months from end of construction to collapse.

Without getting political at all:

I had a 40-something year old man tell me parents couldn't get COVID from their kids.

In reply to Coniglio Rampante :

There was another car guy and I at work and an older, single lady would go to the Chevrolet dealer for everything - nail in tire? Chevrolet dealer. Everything. 

She would then ask us both if the charges were correct or fair. Whatever it was we both nodded with a "that's not too bad" reply cause she would discuss it all day if we told her she got jacked.  

Picture if you will a John Cougar Mellencamp style small town in the heart of the John Cougar Mellencamp era. I was heading for home on my trusty BMX bike when I heard a cammed-up and only slightly muffled V8 thumping past half a block behind me. I damn near broke my neck snapping my head around. Corvette! Clearly a mid-year roadster, rough around the edges and ready for a fight. My kind of trash. I swung around and pedaled like hell and caught it in the lower parking lot of the local combo Honda motorcycle, Boston Whaler, and True Value hardware store. There it was, a '65 or '66 with a big block hood. The owner was hanging around while his wife was doing business inside. He was only too happy to answer questions.

'65 or '66?  "'65."

396? "427!"

How fast have you had it? "I don't actually know. I was playing leapfrog with a BMW between 130 and 150 until I had enough and floored it, and the speedo cable broke when the needle went all the way around past the zero. It had to be at least 180."

- Pause for twelve year old DM to weigh the benefits of looking at the car against the penalty of continuing the conversation.

And what kind of gears? "Just 3.73s..."

They day I learned that Burger King's marketing  failed in America because people didn't understand that 1/3rd of a pound is greater than 1/4 of a pound.

ninja delete of mean-spirited post