So I'm about six months in...

Nick (LUCAS) Comstock wrote: I need to compose my thoughts on this subject.

Wisdom.

We are here for you.

Has the moratorium produced measurable improvements in your relationship or attitudes toward each other? If so, I take back everything I said.

But if not, you've got to pursue a degree of healthy life. If you measure that in your relationship, or cars, or whatever. It's none of our business to judge. I am just trying to reach out to you because what I am hearing (about your feelings in this situation) is not sounding very good.

Jeff wrote:

doc_speeder wrote: SWMBO God I hate that acronym. It's like voluntarily handing her your nuts in a purse. That is all I have to add.

I could not agree more. You married a women who won't let you buy cars? Would you marry a women who didn't want to have sex? What if she tells you you can't have barbecue and beer, what then? Where does it end!?!?!?!

Umm, yeah beef was off the table and sex was a once ever few months sort of special event with the ex. Tiger Mom is a huge upgrade. Cars, food, sex, and bourbon. She appreciates and enjoys all the same hobbies!

Good luck Nick, you're in a hard situation.

mndsm wrote:

SVreX wrote: In reply to Nick (LUCAS) Comstock: I admire your fortitude, but you don't sound like you are coming to a healthier place in life. What are you hoping for again out of this? This doesn't sound like "patiently waiting". It sounds like "desperately lacking". Is this positively benefiting your marriage? I really hope so. As a "forum friend", this has been kinda hard to watch. You sounded happier on page 1 and 2.

I agree with most of this. I am no way to judge character but....idk. i feel like somethings a bit....off.

We've had issues for years, and my love of cars and my one project (well, at some point everything I drive gets a little "project work") are just symptoms of a larger issue, IMO.

It's one of "respect", or maybe acceptance, of the other person. If nobody is killing the budget with their activities, and one party assumes or expects the other party to share in their joy but doesn't reciprocate, or even hassles, it's as simple as that. And there are probably more issues at odds than just the cars.

We can all do things to make our hobbies "less intrusive" to the other, but at some point one has to accept the other person for who they are, and be willing to "work towards the middle" (for lack of a better term).

Do what brings you true enjoyment; sacrificing to make another person happy yet leaves you feeling frustrated isn't helping, its probably sowing seeds of discord that will grow over time.

I know it is/has in my case.

When the clock runs out, swing the pendulum the other way, go absolutely berking nuts on car stuff for 5 years. Projects, road trips, racing, flips. Then at the end, reflect and see what made you happier.

Science!

Giving some additional perspective on this. My wife was into the car thing, but slowly started drifting away from it as her health was impacted by a thyroid issue and her energy level was totally drained. Really pushed me to get rid of my Miata project car/autocross car, which I ended up doing and then getting the Focus ST as an autocrosser practical car, but I wasn't too happy about it overall as going from a turbo Miata on coilovers and r-comps to a Focus ST on street tires is a bit of a step down, though it did teach me a few things about driving. Then we finally got her energy level fixed by finding a different thyroid doctor and now she is back to her normal self and started autocrossing with me and now regrets that we sold the Miata even though she was adamant during her down time that she wanted it gone.

So, there can be different issues at work in any situation.

That said, I feel your pain to some extent, because I got rid of the Focus to put money into our kitchen reno and it's only been like three months and I'm dying to have a new project/fun car around. Luckily the wife is now down with something fun once we have the money (looks like fall will be the time), but I'm honestly not satisfied at all driving other people's cars at autox (made some codriving deals in lieu of having my own car). I like having my own car.

I'm not sure how I would deal if my wife just put the kibosh on everything for no good reason. I basically rebelled and told her no way when she tried to get me to stop autocrossing. I can understand it in hindsight, because her energy level was low enough that she had a hard time watching our kid on the days I would do it (but in fairness I did only local events so maybe one a month), so, at least there was a reason behind it.

I'm not sure what your wife's angle is in denying you this, but from what you have put out there it doesn't sound particularly justified or healthy for her to put this on you.

4 years now and we seek updates! Just give us a nod and we will start planning a car week including races with pit access, tours of various scrap yards and used car lots, fine dining of various greasy foods in our 2 star garages and a goody bag of cleaners, lubes, stickers and tools.

Man, this has gone on FOREVER!!

Bruce

So you have about 6 months left!

Bruce

egnorant said:

So you have about 6 months left!

 

Bruce

I broke out earlier this year. Actually her work schedule changed and I would have to ride my bike to her work, pick up her car, go pick up the boy then go pick her up whenever she was done with work. It was a huge hassle and I picked up a car. I'm not particularly happy with it and am still debating selling it and finding something else. The money situation is not what it was back then either so I don't really have the budget to do what I want to do with it. Meh, just life I guess. 

Well, If you do decide it's no longer the right car for you....Let me know. I think I can probably give it a nice home just a little south of you. 

I admire your fortitude for making this choice and sticking with it. Still wondering about your mindset once the 5 year term is up. I feel kinda torn between being someone cheering a long lost friend back into the fold and a bad influence to fuel your doom!

If you go hunting, I have a yard full of budget projects on my de-hoarding list.

Bruce

Yeah, that's rather clean. Just remember, happiness is a choice. 

Well, here we are! By my math, the 5 year term is now up. I understand you had a bit of a probation a while back but am interested in what the future may hold now that the onus is off.

Bruce

In reply to egnorant :

The Civic just sold. I'm broke. Looks like motorcycle only for the foreseeable future.

In reply to Nick Comstock :

I realize that I'm late to the party here, but I would have never married my wife had she said, "It's me or the car," just like, "It's me or the dog/cat," unless she's allergic. 

It would have come down to a matter of respecting the other person's personality and identity. For the record, if there was anything that I thought I needed to say that over. I would have just walked away, because who am I to change someone?

Yeah this is almost on the level of 'Joey doesn't share food' for me.  Ya gotta stake your claim.  For me it would be I'll give up my fully paid up E36 M3 boxes for a car note if it's a Nismo otherwise take a hike said the 'Naked Nomad'. 

You know who else had five year plans?  Yeah that's right.  Commies. 

My boss gave me the same old tired line the other night about why do I need four vehicles and I gave him the stock response that no-one needs four vehicles and pointed out to him that until recently he had three late model Mercedes Benzos now he's down to just two which by the way he needs neither of. 

I've been going on a funny rant with all and any female and the many feminized males I'm around about setting up a new NO campaign fashioned after Al Bundys NO'MAAM campaign.

I do reference the boys of the Pointe du Hoc in my rant. My campaign is against the image below. 

In reply to nutherjrfan :

Feminized because he’s pushing a stroller and wearing yellow pants? You have a narrow and sad view of masculinity. To me it sounds lik you’re more “feminized” (whatever the heck that means) than the metrosexual dude. At least he seems comfortable with who he is. 

In reply to dculberson :

um that's a model.

In reply to nutherjrfan :

i'm also watching/listening to youtube The Cult videos right now pretty certain I'm not threatened by blurred lines. 

In reply to dculberson :

You are at least right about concerning the fact that I am sad about masculinity amongst many of our modern shortfallings.

In reply to dculberson :

The 'boys of the Pointe du Hoc'  had a very sad and narrow ascent also. 

In reply to nutherjrfan :

did I just reply to myself.  doh.   Still listening to The Cult.