So The Neighbor Kid Has A Nissan 180SX

RHD, Cambered, SR20 Turbo, CF GFX, Caged, the works.

   His dad was a gearhead, and died 2 years ago in an accident.   The kid came by today to talk about cars (he saw the little Alto in the driveway).   He seems to be looking for guidance.  It has to be horrible losing his father and mentor so young.   

I'm not sure if I am up to this with everything else going on, but I am going to figure this out.       Somehow.   

Might do both of you some good.

I lost my dad when I was young. Like myself, he'll need a mentor and you might be the one.

I lost my dad when I was as 18.  I needed somebody to tell me I was doing some stupid stuff.  An Uncle that lived in the town I went to college sort of stepped up, but he had some problems himself.  

Yeah, man, you may have to dig down a little, but it sounds like you need to do this.  Let us know how we can help.

I had a dad, but not a mentor. It can work both ways. 

I would love to shine a light for someone just starting out  Perhaps you have a quest, Cooter.

My dad died before my mom even knew she was pregnant with me (flipped his 3 month old 79 Trans Am)

So I had neither a dad nor a mentor.

Do what you can for the kid, it'll be good for both of you.

You might have found a willing set of hands and an open mind to help you build that engine.

It scares the heck out of me for some reason.   I think with everything that has gone on in the past decade or so, I have steadily lost my footing.      


He had stopped by the house over a year ago to talk cars.   We did the FB friend thing, but I ended up deleting or blocking him when I saw some of the stuff he posts on his timeline.   I really don't friend many people on FB just because of that sort of issue.

But I also know this kid is looking for something; I could feel it today when he started talking about his dad, and opening up about his life.   He told me he wished his dad could see him now.  He wants his dad to be proud of him, but his dad isn't here.  It scares me, because I will never be his father.  The age difference is too huge to be a buddy.  I know NOTHING about most of the stuff I posted in the first line of the OP.  I have no idea what to do with his build- heck, I doubt I can even fit in the passenger seat (he said he wants to take me for a drive in it)   I can feel he wants me to help him stop feeling so empty and give him an attaboy.   I can do the second part, but I fear it isn't going to be enough to fix the first part. 

I can't be a surrogate father, especially his father.  So he will have to understand that, but not until he realizes that may be what he is looking for right now.   It's all a huge responsibility, and I really wish my father in law was still alive so that I could ask for his guidance.   He was an absolute giant at this exact thing.  We have received so many letters, emails, and calls from students and caddies that he has mentored over the decades.  They all say how he has changed their lives.   This kid deserves that sort of person in his life.   Unfortunately, he has picked me.  


I am going to do everything I can to figure this out.   For both of them.

So... You get to learn about the cars he's into.

He gets to learn about the cars you're into.

Might be a win-win situation or at least some karma brownie points for you.

I'm sure the resources on this forum could help you overcome any hurdles you find.

I grew up without the strong father figure and as a married man now I can say that it set me back. I’m learning stuff now, on my own, that I wish I was taught. 

I would say to breathe a bit. Anything you do for the kid is a step in the right direction. You might not be able to take him all of the way but anything is something. It sounds like your heart is in the right place. 

I love this community. 

Oh, the automotive knowledge that I am lacking will definitely come from here.  I have no doubt about that.     I do have some doubts about myself being able to make it past the base of this learning curve, especially at the point I am at in my life.   Those aren't going to make me give up, however.     

I just realized he was at one point talking about whether he really wanted to be taking the car to the track.  (We must have talked for at least an hour, and my memory hasn't been very good ately)

Okay, I think I have some ideas (actually, a lot of them) of how to go about this, and yes, I will be leaning heavily on all of you if things go well.

 

I think this is an awesome responsibility and one I couldn’t take lightly. I think you just have to not overthink it and be yourself and your guidance will be osmotic and genuine. Don’t try to be anything you’re not and don’t be too delicate either. He’s needs a man, not a saint.

My dad was ok but never showed any interest in what I liked.

That being said, my son asked to buy some used F350 wheels and tires for his Sierra 2500 in town. My text response was “Ford pattern is 8x170mm and GM is 8x6.5 and also make sure to check the date codes so you don’t buy too-old tires.”

My wife scolded me for being too negative  

Cooter.

I've been silent on your other thread, because I felt I had nothing to add. Here, I feel I do.

My Dad died when I was 11. He gave me the ability to not fear D.I.Y., but not a lot more as far as wrenching/building stuff goes. Just the foundation. A friend of his who was a mechanic, took both my brother and me under his wing, and taught us enough to find the confidence to try anything. For me, this was little more than a single summer, two at most. Ever since, I have vowed to pass on knowledge, if the person is interested. Somebody helped me. I owe the universe.

   Also, to deal with depression, one of the go-to's is volunteer. Help people worse off than you. Eventually, you will start to regain your footing.

I don't know you well at all, and hope I haven't crossed any boundaries with this post, but I felt obliged to respond. Give the kid a little, I bet you get more in return.

My father was pretty uninterested in teaching me anything except "if you're going to drink and drive, drink Carling Black Label because it looks like a coke can"

As a result, I hung around in three of the neighbour's garages. 

The guy next door was a heavy-duty mechanic, liked boats and could fix anything. He showed me how to build a 302 Boss engine and put it in his boat. Extra power is always good, just in case. I also learned why I never wanted a boat.

The guy across the street owned a service station and was an old-school hotrodder. He showed me how to build a hot Chevy 235 with split headers, glasspacks and dual carbs. It's not about how fast you can go. It's about how you go fast.

The guy behind me was a machinist who built swap kits to put Corvair engines into air cooled Volkswagens. Anything fits if you have the skills.

Those guys, plus a couple of incredible highschool shop, drafting and metalwork teachers who were very patient with a smart-ass kid who already knew everything are the reason I can do what I do now.

My father still thinks I was stupid to leave my high-stress job in aviation to play with "old cars" like Packards, Duesenbergs and Ferraris.

Now that I'm in my 40s, I've made a point to try to get in touch with all of those guys and thank them for taking an interest in a kid when they could have just told me "go away I'm busy".

You never know what difference you might make in someone's life.

In reply to Cooter :

" The age difference is too huge to be a buddy."? Who says? My stepdad's a good friend and mentor to me, and he's 3 times my age.

You are right in that you can't be his father. But you can be there, which can be just as important.

I'll echo everyone else- this is a thing you should do. This kid is reaching out. Whether or not you think you'll help, you will. It'll do your soul some good.

I'm not one to believe in things like fate, but I know when the universe is trying to do some E36 M3 when I see it, and the universe is giving you this kid. Have some cokes. Talk about life. Wrench on what is a pretty neat car. Maybe learn some stuff.  If nothing else, manual labor is a great way to just clear your mind. Focus on the moment- turn the wrench, lift the tire, etc. 

Since you stated you are scared of becoming more then don't. Just be his car buddy and an ear when working on cars. As said before, chance to learn his type of cars and a chance to pass on your type of cars. Or at least the appreciation of them. Don't have to be a life mentor, just help in his car ventures. Do as much as you feel comfortable with.

I may be the odd man out in saying what I said. I grew up with a father that taught me mechanics but tried to keep me out of hot rodding cars. Dad worked on cars when young and was an aircraft mechanic.

I'm an old guy now and I learned something from this thread. I've never heard of a Nissan 180SX before. Knew what a 280SX was but not 180, Had to google it to see if it actually exists or was a typo. Had some friends of my daughter help me put the engine in my Opel GT. They knew what a carb was but had never seen a points-style distributor before, was fun teaching them points.

I hope it doesn't sound like we're pushing. Think of it as a community thumbs up. You can do this. 

When you're ready.

In reply to ShawnG :

How do your mentors respond to you now?  

In reply to Appleseed :

No one is pushing.  I said I was going to do it.  Just needed to figure out what I need to do. And I think I have a start. 

Try what you can. My dad was oblivious to working on cars. Thankfully my older brother helped/taught me a lot in my late teenage years. Amazing what little guideness(new word!) 15 years ago has helped me. 

There’s  a guy block over from me that had yard full of cars coming and going and was always outside working on something. I wanted to stop and talk shop but figured guy wouldn’t give a damn to do so. Yesterday place was cleaned up with a for sale sign out front. Now I wish I would have tried 

Just being there and listening is going to be awesome for this kid.

You got this.

Give what you have to give. It's more than he has now. It will make a difference.

Isn't "180SX" just a fancy JDM name for a 240SX?

In any case, I'd help the kid, but you don't have to know exactly how big a deal it's going to be for either of you. Sometimes one well-timed shove in the right direction can go a long way.