Talk me down, but really

High mileage twin turbo porsche rally style recycle bin low cost SUV?

I say if you are going to pose, you should do it RIGHT. Thinking early Range Rover. Inactive air suspension, unreliable BMW based v8. 5k replacement windshields. 

When the car is so unreliable it is part of their brand image, THEN you are on the right track. No one does it like the British.

When the "high mileage" version has 65k miles, then you know you are cooking with bacon.

When the ultra elite 1%ers cant make it home from the dealer without check engine lights coming back on, then you are ready for the red carpet.

In reply to spandak :

I would not use non OE parts. The aftermarket can be pretty lax for European models, I assume because the engineers try to get 110% from a given design instead of 40-50%, so the cheap aftermarket parts can't cut it after they cut corners to be cheaper. 

Most recent example:  I had been replacing ignition coils with "cheap" Delphi parts store units and Denso plugs in my Volvo, the big turbo high-pressure-boost ALL THE POWER unicorn model.  I also had been fighting a strange cutting-out issue that felt like a tune problem, at 14psi boost and up, coincidentally that reared its head after an engine swap.  Turns out, you REALLY need to use genuine Volvo coils and spark plugs. 

The aftermarket stuff might be okay for a base model that never gets stressed, like if the same form factor coils or CV joints or something are shared with a Jetta, but if you want the unicorn all-the-power model, expect to have to pay into that if you want to reap the benefits.

Plot twist: these Cayenne Turbos aren't that bad. Oh sure, things will go wrong, but compared to the less reliable Touareg, the rolling dumpster fire that is a Range Rover, the valve seat failure extravaganza that is the V8 X5, the saggy suspension saga of a Mercedes ML or the transmission terrorizing Volvo XC90, they're roughly as robust and durable as Mount Rushmore. If I wanted an imported luxury SUV from the MTV Cribs era, a V8 Cayenne would likely be my pick.

In reply to G_Body_Man (Forum Supporter) :

The Cayenne and Touareg are mechanically identical, though, save for the V8 engine options. which 90% of the people didn't buy in the first place, because they bought an SUV as a status symbol, not to do truck things.

In reply to Pete. (l33t FS) :

Mechanically identical for the most part, but not identical from an electrical and software perspective. For instance, VAGCOM can only connect to the ECU and TCU on the Cayenne while it can read every module on a Touareg (different K-line pinouts).  Strangely, I've seen far more electrical gremlins on Touaregs than I have on Cayennes in like condition.

Ive seen the cayennes can have weird electrical stuff, hoovies videos covered some of that. Yeesh. 
My understanding of these trucks is sort of compiled info from all over. I'm imagining it's something like how the Macan is the Q5 but actually not at all because Porsche threw everything out and did it their way. There is a consistent idea that the Touregs are generally worse than the Cayennes and that those who drive and do basic maintenance on the Pcars tend to do okay. Almost every model for sale locally is over 100k miles and many are over 200k. Based on the condition they weren't owned by enthusiasts. That says a lot to me