The Honey Do List

In reply to dculberson :

I started actual construction in 1999. The  finished floor went in shortly after her arrival in 2014 
    About 2 years before I would have put it in according to best construction practices.  I've been able to protect it  through the rest  of construction but it adds significant  time.    Which compounds the time required to finish other details.   Then because she gets impatient at my rate of progress insists on micromanaging  the  construction process which dramatically adds to  the time and costs   
    Prior to her arrival  I had spent just over 30,000 man hours building this house.   A typical house requires 2500-3000 man hours for comparison.    I felt the house required an additional 3,000 man hours to be finished. Since her arrival  I've only been able to put in an addition 1000 man hours. That's over an 8 year period.   

dculberson said:

Frenchy, reading this my initial reaction is probably similar to yours - don't rush him, if it's so important to you then learn how to do it and help him! But then I thought about it and ... really I'm trying to be kind and constructive here. Haven't you been working on that house for most of your 75 years? And you didn't have a finish floor yet in part of the house? Maybe going to the store and buying flooring was the best move there. Sometimes you just gotta do it and accept the less than ideal solution that gets done rather than the perfect one that never happens. It's hard even for me to not think of your wife as being presumptuous- coming to you late in life and trying to tell you how to do what you've been doing all your life. But maybe she's really trying to help you get your long term vision realized before it's too late. 

Oh crap!  Somehow I managed to miss the fact that Timberella's castle was not complete. 
 

Frenchy, it's not a honey do list if it's an unfinished construction project. That's COMPLETELY different. 
 

The two of you should have had a LOT discussion about the game plan for finishing the house before you were married. A "construction pre-nup ".
 

She should have been able to see that this is a never ending project, and you needed to be honest with her (and yourself) that this thing may never be finished. And you should have asked her about her desires and expectations. 
 

No one wants to live in a construction project for the rest of their lives. It's totally frustrating. 

In reply to SV reX :

Timberella's Castle made me laugh so hard at work just now.

In reply to FrenchyD :

Dude you've been building this house for 23 years, why wait 15 years for finished floors? I'll admit that I'm ignorant on why an additional 2 years would be needed ontop of that based on "best construction practices". 

Also, you're up there in age, do you really want to leave your family an unfinshed 20 something year old house?

In reply to yupididit :

Happy to be of service! (Takes a bow)

Haha!

In reply to SV reX :

The kitchen was the first finished completely then all  the bathrooms, followed by the living room.  Then her office and all the rooms up on the third floor including her sewing room.   The breakfast nook and entryway.  The master bedroom took a long time since  it's so involved.  The bridge is finished, well I need to shellac the railings.  

The tower is a work in progress and when finished the bonus room in the attic.  (8' ceilings 4 walk-in dormers with windows). 30'x30'  will get sheetrocked.  I need to trim the windows in the billiard room.  That's only about two day work though. 
     Currently we have carpet down in the great room but when the attic is finished  I'll pull that up and put the finished floor in.    Burl oak planks forming a "picture frame"  surrounded by brass, bloodwood and brass.   Then wide plank hard maple  fill in  and surround. 
     After that I'll fire rock the ceiling in the shop, and sheet rock the walls.    Maybe, Finish ( paint) the floor.  I might use the excess marble  to finish off part of the flooring.  The part where the boat is stored in front of the boat house doors. 
  At that point all of my wood working, plumbing& wiring tools and wood will be donated to habitat for humanity.  

In reply to yupididit :

Best construction practice is you don't put a finished floor down before you paint the walls and ceiling.   Finish other construction that needs to be done.  Or that you need to walk on to get to.  
 The nice thing is the floor is done in shellac. New melts old so clean the scratched up floor and put another coat on.  It melts out nice and smooth. 
  Plus that shellac is unbelievably hard so boots and shoes don't damage it.  
  I'm sure they would be thrilled, finished or not  to collect what this property  is worth.  

In reply to frenchyd :

That's not a honey-do list. That's years of construction work.
 

I can see why she is frustrated.

If I were living in an unfinished house for the better part of 25 years I would be approaching levels of internal rage detectable by NOAA.

In reply to Nicole Suddard :

They've only been married 8 years, but point taken. 

In reply to SV reX :

Oops, I misread the thread. But honestly 8 years is long enough to get to extreme frustration.

If any of the construction  were on the list I'd gladly do it.

       Honey-does are things like take her to her podiatrist for her pedicure..  run to the 24 hr drug store because she itches. The next night at the same midnight+ time take her to the emergency room  so the doctor can look at her rash,  and again the following night  to see the doctor again. 
 Visit her mothers grave, repeatedly haul stuff from her mothers house  to clear it out. ( a lot more to that story)  drive her to her daughters house to lend her, her spare computer. 
 That's all since last Thursday. 
  I'm happy to do anything for her.  But if it interferes with getting things done on her list no allowance is made.  

In reply to frenchyd :

Dude, you need to work on your communication. With your wife, AND here on this forum. 
 

(That means listen more)

If construction projects aren't on the honey do list, don't bring them up here.

frenchyd said:

In reply to yupididit :

Best construction practice is you don't put a finished floor down before you paint the walls and ceiling.   Finish other construction that needs to be done.  Or that you need to walk on to get to.  
 The nice thing is the floor is done in shellac. New melts old so clean the scratched up floor and put another coat on.  It melts out nice and smooth. 
  Plus that shellac is unbelievably hard so boots and shoes don't damage it.  
  I'm sure they would be thrilled, finished or not  to collect what this property  is worth.  

So, after 15 years the walls and ceiling weren't painted therefore you couldn't do the floors?

In reply to yupididit :

Have you looked at the house closely?  It's 5500 sq ft  with walls 14" thick. Double timber framed. I've put in 30,000 man hours of work.   That's 15 years of a full time job  plus through most of that period  I put in 40-60+ hour weeks working  for a living.  
    A timber frame isn't like a typical house nailed together.  Each timber is mortice and tenioned.   At every connection. Every single timber has hours of work put into it. From planing it smooth,  to putting pockets or tenion on each connection.   Inside Timbers  (mostly white oak ) and outside Timbers  ( Black Walnut)  with S .I.P.'s  between  30,000 hrs of work!!  
  So yes,  walls weren't painted. 

In reply to frenchyd :

Sounds like a lot. But uh, how much do you have left and how much time do you think it'll take? 

I couldn't live in a house for 23 years that I'm building for those 23 years at the same time. You're absolutely patient and crazy lol

In reply to j_tso :

I sure miss the red green show!

In reply to frenchyd :

The house is amazing, and your workmanship and tenacity is incredible,  but since your communication skills, as Paul said, with us, and apparently her, is absolutly abysmal. You appear to have the attention span of a hamster, and I'm sure the 30,000 hours has all been you hard at it. But I bet if you had any focus, you'd have half that in it! Don't worry, not putting ya down; I freely admit I'm even worse!

I read your first post, and assumed you were being funny and flippant. After a few more, I realized you are truly hurting here, and brother, I feel for ya. But you can't "fix" her. Only your reaction to her, and your contribution  to what's happening. 
It's all any of us can do, and again, I'm not that good at that, either. 
Focus on what YOU can do differently, with the understanding she might have a point. 
Of course, you also need your time to do your stuff as well, so it's all about compromise. 

In reply to yupididit :

The estate, while worth a small fortune, will include a house 3/4 (or a bit more) finished. If soon, and we sure hope not, or 30 -40 years from now! (F for the world record!!!)

and by the time the estate is settled, a lot of the early finished stuff, will need redoing!

In reply to yupididit :

How much is left?  If I were still in my late 50's early 60's a few hundred hours  at my age a thousand or more.    
    One of the things I have allowed is Claudia wants the house done completely.  So she uses a construction company her father owned.  They do the work the way she wants and it's work frankly I'm bad at.  
        So perhaps  it'll be a bit shorter than expected. 

03Panther said:

In reply to yupididit :

The estate, while worth a small fortune, will include a house 3/4 (or a bit more) finished. If soon, and we sure hope not, or 30 -40 years from now! (F for the world record!!!)

and by the time the estate is settled, a lot of the early finished stuff, will need redoing!

 It's a bit more than 3/4. I passed that when the exterior of the house was completed  and the interior structure finished. 
   I should think the house is well past the 95% finished point.  However not to my satisfaction.  For example the carpet  isn't to my liking but passed inspection for a refinance about 4-5 years ago when interest rates were at the very bottom. 
In fact it passed all requirements to be sold.  

   What you have is your own version of the Winchester House, a never ending project.  I'm a little younger than you, and have come to the realization that I cannot do what I could 20 years ago.  Heck, not even 5.   Pay someone.  If you can't afford it (I know times are tough), pick one small job that has an ending point. 

   Not to sound rude, but if your wife is working, and she has a connection to a construction company, let her have at it.  If the  job comes out meh, then it's on her, so to speak.  After all, marriage is supposed to be a partnership.