The 'I Win At Life' Thread

Blitzed306 wrote: While trying to repair my bunked up fan shroud on my 318i, I slipped and punched a hole in my rad.

Don't worry. The coolant tank was about to fail anyway.

Did you know a 4"x4" kimwipe will make a 911 motor jump about 4-5 inches when the crankshaft encounters it?

Long story short, It was plugging the vent tube at the back of the motor, and had gotten pushed into the tube a couple inches. I KNEW I hadn't removed it and I was pretty sure my buddy hadn't removed it. I asked him three times if he had because I couldn't see or feel the wipe. Fire the motor up and about 2 minutes in, there was a HUGE WHUMP, the motor twisted/jumped, then went back to running at 3K fine and dandy.

Tore the motor down for an oil pressure issue later, and found the wipe very soaked in oil, stuffed between the crankcase webs.

Zomby, same thing happened to me with my 4Runner, everyone on the Toyota forums said the popping noise I heard was probably the sway bar bushings, and I had just had it up in the air also to check things out, but sure enough it was the ball joints, did the same thing as yours except I was pulling out of a parking space, if I had been really moving it would have been totaled for sure. But I got new sway bar bushings put on as a result, plus the 2 new ball joints.

I replaced the clutch in my carolla, and had one bolt left... couldn't for the life of me figure out where it went, well probably 10,000 miles later, the car wont start on the way to a holiday party, It is dark and I cant see whats wrong but I got it push started and back into the lit garage. The bolt was one of the two holding the starter to the bell housing and the strater housing had broken off at the remaining ear thingy that the bolt that was in there was using, and I cant geta core deposit back on a new starter.

1979 Trans Am I had towed to my brothers place so I could install my new transmission in his carport. Tow truck guy put it in position and I threw a block of wood behind the right rear tire as a chock. Payed him and as he left I decided I should chock the other wheel as well. On my way around the car I managed to kick the first chock out and the car starts to roll back. I jumped behind it and had it held I tried to throw the other chock up behind the tire but it missed. I pushed as hard as I could and tried to reach the chock but it just gained momentum. The end of th drive dropped off about four feet with a chainlink fence about two feet behind it. As I ran out of room I made a last ditch effort to jump backwards over the fence but my legs ended up getting caught between the top rail of the fence and the bottom of the TA's fuel tank. A fire department airbag and the jaws of life got me out.

My daughter was starting a new job on Monday. Sunday she drove the car all over the place. Halfway to work (raining hard) car quits. 98 Maxima. Alternator fail. Time for battery too. Dad gets to work. This is harder than 93 Quest I had. Broke off upper tab alternator bolts to. Tab is part of casting on timing cover on 3.0. This may not be to bad, I tell myself (who are we kidding)? Timing cover is leaking oil all over new alternator. DUMB. Aha, I have some epoxy. Done, for now. Has worked for about a month.

Not me but I was there. A friend of mine was replacing the motor in his 67 Ford Fairlane. He had pulled out the stock 289 and was putting in a professionally built 460 out of a Lincoln, don't ask me why he chose that motor. Anyway, it was on the engine stand and he was rolling it over to the car. The garage floor had a large crack in it and the stands wheel got caught and.........you guessed it, the whole thing fell over! Amazingly, it only bent the header on the one side but it sure was difficult to get the monster back up.

I was using the blue wrench to cut something off a SBC water pump. I was cutting it on the floor of the garage I used to work at one weekends for some extra $$$$. I was cutting with one hand and drinking a soda with the other. While I was drinking the soda I managed to extinguish the flame. Since I was drinking the soda I did not notice it immediately. I re lit the torch and put it back on the WP. The O2/ACC mix that had collected in the impeller chamber exploded. The back plate of the WP blew off and launched the casting causing it to dent the shop ceiling.

This was the loudest bang I have ever heard. Mostly because I had the bay doors close.

I was virtually completely deaf for 2 days. I got hearing back in my right ear after 2 days and some back in the left ear about a week later. I was partially deaf in my left ear for more than a year. I have had varying amounts of ringing in my left ear ever since (this was 20 years ago).

When I was 8 my mom would take me all over the place late at night. I would be half awake when we got home. I got out of the car. Propped myself up with one hand on the car, grabbed the door with the other and slammed it shut. I couldnt figure out for the the life of me why my hand was stuck to the car. Slamming your thumb in the car door will wake you up pretty quick.

The Win at life part of this, is three months later I did the same thing.

But this time I locked the door.

Finished up the "Emission Rats Nest Removal" on my CSP 1986 RX-7 and it wouldn't start. After consulting the various rotary forums I vehemently argued with EVERYONE who told me my fuel lines were probably swapped. Knowing I would never do such a stupidly simple newb mistake like that, I replaced every sensor under the hood (I had a complete spare motor in a storage unit) and then I burned up a starter motor (because if I cranked it LONG enough it would sputter).

Upon further inspection I realized that I HAD in fact swapped the injector line with the return line...

$120 to replace the starter motor because I was too stubborn to listen to the advice I asked for.

I keep buying cars that don't work for $500, spending $2000 in parts and a bunch of hours to make them run like new only to wind up selling them for $2250 after driving them for a few months because I get bored of them.

I call it a hobby, my wife says I run a halfway house for delinquent cars. I tell her it's still cheaper than golfing.

Also, remember to always triple check the brakes for pressure before you start rolling at the dolly:

I have this reoccurring thing that I do where I say to myself, "gee, that funny [noise/smell/giant plume of smoke/trail of oil leading directly out of my own driveway] couldn't POSSIBLY be my car, because [very well reasoned and utterly convincing argument]." You can guess how often that line of thinking turns out to be right. These days I like to think I've learned better; I made a personal policy of assuming when I hear, see, or smell something odd while driving, that unless I know EXACTLY what it is, it's always me.

I still lapse though. "Hmm, now why on earth would they have used such dim paint to make those road markings? There's NO WAY my British roadster could be having grounding issues in the headlight circuit!" (Hint: it was.)

Where to start....

When i was 17 I worked at a Limousine factory in Springfield MO for a summer. I got to work in all the various departments doing interesting stuff.

One of my tasks was to cut up all the ABS plastic scraps leftover from making door panels on the vacuum machine.

Using a band saw, I proceded to start cutting the scrap sheets into 6" X 6" pieces. I got a pretty good rythym going and was chucking the pieces across the table with my right hand while grabbing another sheet with my left. I kept picking up speed until I got a little over exuberant and smacked my right hand into the running band saw blade. I pretty much layed my hand open across the tops of all my knuckles. I did not like seeing the innerworkings of my hand.

My wife would back her Pontiac Grand Am out of the garage and come close to hitting the side of the door with her mirror. She never hit it but I felt the need to yell at her about it when I was the passenger.

One day I was in a hurry and flew into reverse driving her Pontiac and ripped all the trim off and damaged the mirror a bit. She thought it was hilarious.

This was 20+ years ago and she still feels the need to remind me to watch the trim and mirror.....

Went to lift my Spitfire with a hoist and we hooked into the tow hooks and the door sills. We have it up in the air and then it comes back down to earth with big rips in both the door sills. Oh well I needed to replace those any way...

Ya know how lawn tractors have those irritating switches under the seat to shut them off? The kind you can bypass really easily? Guess why they are there. I'd tell you but I have to go tow a borrowed lawn tractor with snowplow out of a gully behind my house even though I'm pretty sore from falling off of a lawn tractor.

Saturday I have to drive from NE Pennsy down to Wash DC for work. For those not in the NE, we had a major (for October) snow storm on Saturday. I'm in my SVX, the gas gauge hasn't worked for years, but I use the odometer and the "low gas" warning light comes on with 2 gallons in the tank.

I get a couple hours into the trip, the gas light comes on so I get off of the highway to get gas. Do the stuff at the pump and walk around the car to scrape off ice and snow that built up on the wipers. Go back to the pump and it's stopped at ~12 gallons. Get back in the car and continue south. The low gas light is continuing to fade on and off before coming on bright. I think to myself, maybe it's time to pull the sending unit out and fix this when I get back from DC.

About 50 miles later, I'm near Harrisburg, going up a slight grade... The car starts sputtering... In that instant I come to the realization that the pump never pumped. The ~12 gallons that I saw on the pump was from the previous guy. And now I'm in a blizzard on the side of the road waiting over an hour for AAA to bring me gas.

Had an old beer bottle brown '77 Chevy 3/4 ton Scottsdale 4wd. Poor girl leaked about a quart of oil a day if I just went to and from work and school. One day, after topping her off at a gas station, I closed the hood just a little too lightly... I thought about re-shutting it, but figured "what the heck, its probably good" and set off.

I made the right turn into traffic, and just touched 45mph when the world in front of my windshield went (you guessed it) beer bottle brown. Since I didn't have AC, and I lived in Texas, it was pretty easy to just "Ace Ventura" my way to a safe stopping area.

What really made this all worthwhile though, was when I was in "full Ace Ventura" mode. I heard someone shout from the oncoming lane: "HEY! Your hood is open!!!!!"

Helping a friend replace the flex plate on his 79ish Thunderbird. We're covered in trans fluid, since the car is on jack stands in his driveway, and we're too young, broke and stupid to have a catch sheet. Sheer one of the bolts putting the new part in, when we smell smoke. House across the street is on fire. This, to a couple of sixteen year olds, is something to investigate. His mom calls the fire dept as we cross the street. Kids in the yard say that their brother lit the fire accidentally, but won't come out since "Dad's gonna kill him." So, what do we do? Of course, we enter a burning building, while covered in ATF. I've always wondered how flammable it is, thankfully we didn't find out that day.

It was mentioned previously, but this thread makes me feel soooo much better. I always knew I was out of my league around here, but at least I know I am not the only one who forgets, drops and sells things at the worst possible time.

Bought 911 without a functional fuel gauge. Probably a sending unit, cheap fix, but I keep putting off, using the trip meter and general experience. Hey I am a biker after all, I am used to it.

The last 2 days I am too for the last week frazzled to remember I need gas, sitting in a turn lane it does, my eyes drop to the gauges when I notice the trip meter is 20 miles farther than I have ever had it.

The fuel pumps are notoriously fragile, use the fuel to cool and overheat at the drop of a hat. After putting in 4 gallons, it will not start. It is at the mechanics getting a new very expensive fuel pump

...and a new sending unit.

ahh there are so many...where to start.

72 Firebird- I converted this car to from 400/auto to 455 manual. I FINALLY get the engine and the transmission installed in the car and almost everything hooked up. The plan is to go to bed, finish in the morning, then test drive. As I'm laying in bed at like 1AM I think, "did I install the pilot bushing in the crank?". I go out to the shop and there it is....not in the crank. Out comes the trans....

same car....I just tuned it and decided to take it for a test drive. I thought the hood latch had caught.... as I'm driving in front of a neighbors house I see them in there front yard, so I decide to gun it a little. Bam hood flies up and smashes the windshield. I get out, slam the hood, and ease up the road with my tail between my legs to find a place to turn around.

same car.....I installed a different, untested carb. I make it a few miles up the road and the car sputters and dies. It's hot out and I'm sweaty and pissed. I'm standing under the hood and a good samaritan stops to help, takes one look at me, and drives off. I guess I didn't look very friendly....anyway I can't remember what the problem actually was, but I do remember jamming a door hinge bushing in the car to wedge the butterflies open so I could limp it home.

One time I bought a caged austin healey sprite from a forum member sight unseen. I'm a tad over 6'2" and couldn't fit in the damn thing to drive it...legs are too long with the cage in the way...even with no seat in or shoes on......the car is sitting in the corner of my shop until I get around to re-working the cage.

91 Suburban- I'm pulling the driveshaft to replace the u-joints. it's parked in front of one of my garage doors on a slight incline. The driveshaft wasn't coming out easy, so I thought to myself "this is a really good idea changing these u-joints...they must be shot". Turns out I forgot to take the load off AND chock this wheels, so after using a prybar to get the driveshaft out the suburban starts rolling...towards me!!! I got out from under there quick and hopped up just in time to see that heavy monsted roll into the garage door. I put the suburban in 4wd, so I can move it since the rear shaft is out, then go back in the shop and kick the other side of the door until it is more or less back in shape.

I have plenty more, but that is enough for now...

Karl La Follette wrote: pulled Stag out of garage figured new gas and tuneup , could not get it to fire , all afternoon tinker train ................. figured jumped time . Chevy 350 . Spent all morning pulling radiator , pulley , fans . It has not jumped time must be in ignition somewhere . Well needed all new hoses and radiator fluid and busted knuckles

We figured it out , silver heat insulation was shorting one side of the coil , it was dead shorting . Runs great should have just looked at it better

1976 Cutlass, just replaced the heads, cam, intake, timing chain, and put some headers on it. Took it on it's initial test run and it backfired through the carb setting various things under the hood on fire......directly in front of a girl I had a HUGE crush on from the time we were in jr.high school. At least her boyfriend was cool enough to help me put out tne fire.

So many dumb moments, but not too many great stories.

I now own two of the four-wheel type engine stands, because flopping one BMW M52 onto the ground from a 3-wheeler was plenty. Fortunately, the head didn't deform enough to even weep at the cam cover seal. Unfortunately, that E30 was totalled when someone rear-ended it within a year...

Circa 20 minutes ago. Hella installation on my Subaru winter beater. Can't find hardware suitable to bolt the brackets I made to the radiator support. Drive 20 miles to buy two bolts. Get home and immediately drop one of them between the rad support and bumper.

As of now, no amount of looking, magnet on a stick, kicking, or jumping on the car has convinced it to fall out of the car. Le sigh.