What to do when you run out of steam?

All my life I've loved working on race cars. 
Lately though I lack energy.   It's not my age, or the 11 hours a day I work as a bus driver.  
     I wanted to quit, bow to the pressure my wife puts on me.  She hates my divided  loyalty, between her tasks for me to do and those I want  to do on the Jaguar. 
    But lately even when there is time nothing gets done. I offered  to give everything to my partner.   Just to satisfy my wife.  So far he's rejected it.  
 I don't know if that's because my lack of progress or  anger over my quitting..  

Well for one, your wife should respect and value you enough to allow you hobby time for yourself. 

Drive down to the challenge. Meet all these people. Make new friends. It would be better to go enjoy yourself as a spectator this year than to wait for some future year when your car is complete and ready to participate. 

In reply to Cousin_Eddie (Forum Supporter) :

Thanks,   but I make a lousy spectator.  Not to mention the cost and time required just to meet some  very interesting and nice people.  

Patrick said:

Well for one, your wife should respect and value you enough to allow you hobby time for yourself. 

I agree 

   I suffered from depression after losing my career following the 2008 recession.   This feels the same. 

frenchyd said:

In reply to Cousin_Eddie (Forum Supporter) :

Thanks,   but I make a lousy spectator.  Not to mention the cost and time required just to meet some  very interesting and nice people.  

It's really not spectating. Firstly you'll get offers to drive cars, and second it's really more of a family reunion for all us misfits. 

frenchyd said:

   I suffered from depression after losing my career following the 2008 recession.   This feels the same. 

Go to the challenge; it will reenergize you.

In the meantime, and I mean this with all sincerity, see a professional. Depression is a monster that you want to tackle right away.

Usually just after I run out of water.

Your wife needs to hear you say 'no' more often.

The fact that your wife "hates" what you enjoy is concerning.  I get it, as one who is around 7 decades old, the fire ain't as bright any more.  Time to have a sit down with wifey.  If depression is lurking, a therapist may be on the horizon.   As a former school bus driver, you can divide your time to perform in house tasks, as well as squeeze in play time.  YMMV.  My wife of 40 years, gets me, and I her, so it works.   I'm a very lucky guy.

I don't keep up with everything around here. Frenchy, did you quit the bus driving racket ?

Also consider the medical side of it. You're in your late 60s/early 70s right Frenchy? The male body draws down hormones like testosterone/aldosterone and thyroxidine T3/T4; all of those have affects on how you feel, your mood, and your base metabolism. Male menopause- called Andropause- is a thing, so I'd also talk with your doctor or an endocrinologist. A little HRT seriously helped my mom through hers and she's around your age.

GIRTHQUAKE said:

Also consider the medical side of it. You're in your late 60s/early 70s right Frenchy? The male body draws down hormones like testosterone/aldosterone and thyroxidine T3/T4; all of those have affects on how you feel, your mood, and your base metabolism. Male menopause- called Andropause- is a thing, so I'd also talk with your doctor or an endocrinologist. A little HRT seriously helped my mom through hers and she's around your age.

Thank you.  Yes I'm 75.  Good possibility you are right.  I have an appointment with my Doctor I'll ask. 

Cousin_Eddie (Forum Supporter) said:

I don't keep up with everything around here. Frenchy, did you quit the bus driving racket ?

No I'm still working 11 hours a day at it. It's not a straight 11 hours. I get an hour and 40 minutes off  after the morning run and and hour off after the midday run. 
      Periodically  I apply for a sales position but nice they figure out my age th enter view is over.  

It sounds like you're in a tough spot. That job is quite a time commitment every day.

I can acknowledge the degree of commitment it would take for you to get all the way to Florida for the challenge. I'll still put in another vote for recommending you attend. I am very confident that she won't be disappointed in that decision.

as for the general tenor of your post, I get it. I'm a bit younger at 67, still working a lot of hours. My challenge car has been sitting untouched for months. Fortunately, for me, I've been doing a lot of Autocross, so I'm still having fun. 

ddavidv said:

Your wife needs to hear you say 'no' more often.

    My wife s a great big type A person.  She cracks the whip on a team of  programmers all over the world. To meet he security requirements of a major bank. 
    I also used to be a major type A person but when I release that side of me it gets really ugly fast!  I'm mature enough that I no longer need to "win" those.  So for he sake of our marriage I go away and let her " win".  

Cousin_Eddie (Forum Supporter) said:

It sounds like you're in a tough spot. That job is quite a time commitment every day.

 

My wife is a earning  more money than she has ever earned in her  life. By a lot!!!!   She loves the job  and the intensity of it. 
   So I'm working so she doesn't feel like the whole load is on her shoulders. 
   She's spending that money on changing the house to her style which I'm OK with.   She'll live here for the next 15-20 years too. So she should be comfortable and feel invested in it.  

To be perfectly frank, couples counseling might be in order. She sounds like she doesn't take off the "crack the whip" work hat, and honestly at 75 dude, you should be retired and enjoying the time you have left. Nobody knows when their number gets called, and we all need to learn to back it down a few notches and embrace the pleasure of life. 

I would agree that some form of "stepping away" and getting perspective will likely be helpful.  If you can't do the challenge, maybe some sort of car show or lemons race could help?

Patrick said:

To be perfectly frank, couples counseling might be in order. She sounds like she doesn't take off the "crack the whip" work hat, and honestly at 75 dude, you should be retired and enjoying the time you have left. Nobody knows when their number gets called, and we all need to learn to back it down a few notches and embrace the pleasure of life. 

    I am embracing the pleasures of life.  The thing I've noticed is how soon after retirement so many men die.   A lot of farmers who are still working into their 80's live long lives. 
      So age doesn't scare me nearly as much as not working.   Yes I understand biological history. But dad died at 48.  And I've already out lived my grandfather. 
    I'll give my wife  a couple more years of support.    

aircooled said:

I would agree that some form of "stepping away" and getting perspective will likely be helpful.  If you can't do the challenge, maybe some sort of car show or lemons race could help?

      I'll attend a vintage race and enjoy that at a tiny fraction of the cost of a 3000 mile round trip.  

In reply to frenchyd :

Well I'm younger than you and ran out of steam a couple of years ago.  I have my physical in the morning and may talk to the doc about that.  All they seem to want to do is prescribe anti-depressants.  My urologist told me he doesn't do HRT, but I was fine to talk to my doc about it.  

Coke.