Worst excuse ever?

Saw this little gem on the local news feed: http://www.mlive.com/news/jackson/index.ssf/2012/07/suspected_drunken_driver_says.html#incart_river_default

So, in view of the awe-inspiring ability of this group to come up with a better story, what is the worst excuse for poor/stupid/drunk driving you've ever offered or heard offered? (Hopefully there are some cops on here, they always have the best stories)

That's not an excuse, that's an admission of guilt.

Here's what you say to cops:

.

The best defense is a good offense.

If the cops are not at the scene yet - shut the car off, get out, put the keys under the seat. Take a bottle of whiskey out in plain view and be drinking it when they arrive. Swear in court you took your first drink after the wreck to calm your nerves

BTW - to contribute my own, the best one I heard as a prosecutor (this for failing a "one leg stand" sobriety test) was "My client (male) isn't used to wearing a skirt." Unfortunately for this particular dude, he had too much to drink at a halloween party and got pulled over driving home. The jury ended up giving him a break and finding him impaired only, I think because he was clearly so humiliated.

Woody wrote: Here's what you say to cops: .

Even I agree with that one.

For pure chutzpah, my favorite excuse story was about a guy in a V8 swapped S10 who was pulled over for speeding. He says the conversation went something like this:

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

S10 guy: Because I was really hauling ass.

Officer: Er, yes. Do you know how fast you were going?

S10 guy: No, officer, my speedometer only goes up to 85.

He insists the cop was so surprised at getting a straight up answer that he got off with just a warning.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: The best defense is a good offense. If the cops are not at the scene yet - shut the car off, get out, put the keys under the seat. Take a bottle of whiskey out in plain view and be drinking it when they arrive. Swear in court you took your first drink after the wreck to calm your nerves

I've seen this happen-and work. It never made it to court. The cop told me, "get him, and the car out of here and I won't do anything". He later told me he couldn't do anything anyway. He never saw him DUI, and couldn't even place him in the car.

Zomby Woof wrote: -snip- He later told me he couldn't do anything anyway. He never saw him DUI, and couldn't even place him in the car.

I saw this happen firsthand. While working at a new car dealership, one of the sales guys comes tearing into the parking lot in a V8 Firebird, screeches to a halt just inside the service entrance, jumps out, tosses me the keys and tells me "You never saw me, you don't know who was driving this car" and he runs into the showroom and disappears.

All this made perfect sense when a local cop came tearing into the parking lot with his lights on and in pursuit. Not needing the coming aggravation, I dropped the keys and headed for the bathroom in the shop. Once there, I waited a bit and then came out to find a version of Barney Fife standing right next to said Firebird and very upset. Acting as innocent as I could I approached and asked how I could help him. He flipped out and wanted to know who was driving the car and where were they. I played dumber than usual, saying that the car wasn't there when I went to the restroom.

At his insistence, I asked around the dealership but nobody claimed to know anything. Since the car was registered to the salesman's girlfriend (who wasn't at the dealership), the cop had no idea who to ticket and left in a huff. The Firebird then sat outside our service department for the rest of the week while the salesman took home used cars from the lot until the heat died down

That was almost 20 years ago and it still makes me laugh.

kazoospec wrote: Saw this little gem on the local news feed: http://www.mlive.com/news/jackson/index.ssf/2012/07/suspected_drunken_driver_says.html#incart_river_default

What did he say? Trying to click that link makes my comptuer throw up.

jimbob_racing wrote:

Zomby Woof wrote: -snip- He later told me he couldn't do anything anyway. He never saw him DUI, and couldn't even place him in the car.

I saw this happen firsthand. While working at a new car dealership, one of the sales guys comes tearing into the parking lot in a V8 Firebird, screeches to a halt just inside the service entrance, jumps out, tosses me the keys and tells me "You never saw me, you don't know who was driving this car" and he runs into the showroom and disappears. All this made perfect sense when a local cop came tearing into the parking lot with his lights on and in pursuit. Not needing the coming aggravation, I dropped the keys and headed for the bathroom in the shop. Once there, I waited a bit and then came out to find a version of Barney Fife standing right next to said Firebird and very upset. Acting as innocent as I could I approached and asked how I could help him. He flipped out and wanted to know who was driving the car and where were they. I played dumber than usual, saying that the car wasn't there when I went to the restroom. At his insistence, I asked around the dealership but nobody claimed to know anything. Since the car was registered to the salesman's girlfriend (who wasn't at the dealership), the cop had no idea who to ticket and left in a huff. The Firebird then sat outside our service department for the rest of the week while the salesman took home used cars from the lot until the heat died down That was almost 20 years ago and it still makes me laugh.

Wouldn't they just go looking for the girlfriend?

poopshovel wrote: Wouldn't they just go looking for the girlfriend?

He had no idea who was driving. Couldn't find her at the dealership. Can't cite somebody when nobody is in the car.

Never drove drunk.

pinchvalve wrote: Never drove drunk.

Me either, but I may have driven poorly and/or stupidly on occasion when I was younger. Personally, even as a kid, I didn't usually offer lame excuses and found the honest, "Sorry officer, guess I was being stupid" had about a 50/50 chance of getting me out of trouble, or at least minimizing the damage.