A friends letter to the next owners of her Minivan

Blatantly ripped from her fb page, but I love it.

Dear next owners of my Minivan.

Her name is Minnie and she's still very young and a princess. She sleeps in the garage on the left, always. Sorry about the bald tires, good news is when you're pissed of they'll still squeal, trust me.

Oh...yeah..about that..ummm.smell. Could have been a hockey bag, ball hockey bag or a baseball bag, all of them had a certain ripeness. But just spray some of the fart spray and it'll be ok. Sorry you cant open the very back windows, something about fires and a recall, I hear the dealer will ringy dingy you on the tele when a replacement part is invented.

Oh yeah, we were just on the road for 3000kms with her...Trent says sorry about the cheese nips in the back. He doesn't admit to much so I'm assuming the cheese nips are the least of it! Addie also rainbow loomed for 2900kms of the trip and dropped probably as many loom elastics in every crevasse possible, think of it as a treasure hunt! It'll be fun, I promise.

Ohhhhhh.....,soooo that large smelly wet spot... It isn't what you think, I promise! It's from 1000km into our trip when joe decided his feet reeked and tried to wash them with a few bottles of water...in the van. And I feel I should tell you the other slop is sub sauce, I think. Should wipe off. Oh yeahhhhh and in the seatbelt receiver on the passenger side there may be some raspberries. I spilt a whole bucket. But they were so good! Addie picked them herself at Nana's farm.

But the really good news is that it's only been barfed in once and it wasn't even one of my kids...well it wasn't even a kid and most of it made it out the window so it doesn't really count.

But let me warn you about the GPS. She seems all nice and helpful, she isn't! She is a backstabbing, passive aggressive bitch who's sent me in the complete wrong direction and made me very late at least 3 times. Don't trust a word she says.

But the super duper good news is that if you need a new friend who's fun to drink beer with, just phone Kimberley she loved Minnie almost more than I did. Kim and I are actually are friends off right now because I am trading Minnie in.

The other super good news is when you turn and spill a whole grande latte the floor mat can hold almost the whole thing! That's almost like a Billy Mays 'Zorbeez'. One other thing. The back hatch latch has acquired a mind of its own. But don't ask the Fernie dodge dealership for help as they could give a E36 M3.

Oh right, the one headset is broken, I fixed it with duct tape. Straight up Red Green style. One last thing, as I was saying farewell to Minnie last night I still found more glass from when someone smashed the window and stole my purse. I'm sure there is more. It's like a gift that keeps on giving. I'll miss Minnie. She was the prettiest, pimp-est minivan I ever owned.

Bravo!

Especially the part about the GPS...

I read the GPS part and thought....that sounds like something that my wife would write. It totally sounded like her.

She british? I read it with a british accent.

She knows about Red Green so she's most likely Canadian.

If she'd paid someone to do a good interior cleaning that letter would have been a lot shorter and the car's higher value might have covered the cost.

I bought a 1977 Impala Wagon once with an index card in the glovebox that had a similar note. The car's name was "Gramps" and was a beloved member of the family and to please take good care of him.

I did. He went to college with me, joined a fraternity with me, was my first apartment and when his body began to give out, his heart went on to race at a local dirt-track oval.

I remember a GRM'er (can't remember who) once bought a car with a note written in marker on the inside of the door skin (had to remove the door "card" to see it) saying "If you bought this car you are berkeleyed."

GameboyRMH wrote: She knows about Red Green so she's most likely Canadian.

Correct. Then again, I'm from Michigan and I know of Possum Lodge.

Grtechguy wrote:

GameboyRMH wrote: She knows about Red Green so she's most likely Canadian.

Correct. Then again, I'm from Michigan and I know of Possum Lodge.

I'm confused. I thought Michigan and Canada were one and the same.

Hysterical note. I fully plan to leave a similar note when we get rid of our minivan...it sure has stories to tell.

GameboyRMH wrote: I remember a GRM'er (can't remember who) once bought a car with a note written in marker on the inside of the door skin (had to remove the door "card" to see it) saying "If you bought this car you are berkeleyed."

I left a note like that on a pop riveted floor panel patch in marker.

I'd love to leave a note, but by the time I'm done with a car it's scrap.

I know about Red Green too. I am beginning to suspect that I might be Canadian.

Usually the tell tail sign of a Canadian driver in kilometers. Anytime Km is mentioned, its usually not the US. I, too, dig the Red Green reference. But I lived in Montana, so that might as well be southern Alberta and Saskatchewan.

For someone who liked her car, she didn't take very good care of it.

In reply to stuart in mn:

You don't own kids, do you? I'd say that van got of light.

Appleseed wrote: In reply to stuart in mn: You don't own kids, do you? I'd say that van got of light.

Truth. The little beggars are pretty hard on cars. It pains me to see the after effects of whatever snack my wife offers up to my child. My daughter knows that daddy doesn't do snacks in the car, and doesn't ask me for them. She certainly knows that mama does though.