- In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing..
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
- You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
- You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.
- Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.
- Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
- Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
- You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.
- Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
- Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. I hope we can still be friends.
B. I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.
C. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU.
- A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place... Wally.
Evaluating Results:
If you answered A more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.
If you answered B more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.
If you answered C more than 7 times, YOU DA MAN!
