Actual quote from my doctor

I went for a physical this morning and my doctor said, "You have a terrific prostate."

I said, "Thanks. You have nice fingers."

Does he still respect you?

Sorry! Couldn't resist!

Mine said "sorry for the poking" I had an infection and it was quite painful. I think they heard me screaming out in the street.

I had an issue and was sent to the specialist.  Since it was my standard physical he said he wasn’t going to perform “that” procedure.  

I told him I didn’t know who was more relieved- him or me.  

"Doc, doc, your ring hurts!"

"That's not my ring it's my wristwatch."

If you ever get the business from a doc that seems to enjoy making you a little uncomfortable, turn it around. When he does the deed, let out an audible, pleasure filled moan. 

Don't worry when your doc lays a hand on your shoulder for leverage. Start to worry when you feel his other hand, on your other shoulder.

My Doc said, "I hear guys complain about this every day. Trust me- it's no picnic for me either!"

I asked him if we were now married. 

I'd imagine the last thing a proctologist wants in their personal life is being around that part of the body - old 'Friends' reference sort of. 

KyAllroad (Jeremy) said:

"Doc, doc, your ring hurts!"

 

 

"That's not my ring it's my wristwatch."

I have to remember that one.  The first time I had it done The Wife decided she wanted to come to the doctor with me since I sit in on most of her appointments.  The doc springs the news on me that he wants to check given my family history, and as he does it I chuckled, looked at the wife and said “I don’t see why you keep saying no, it’s not bad at all.”  The doc had to excuse himself for about 15 minutes and she hasn’t come to another appointment with me.

I told my doc at the very least I expect dinner and a movie first.

We had a bit of a 'card' for a flight surgeon up at K.I. Siberia.  One smartass copilot of ours got on his list, and the result required the Civil Engineers to come fix an exam room.

It was the co-, the flight surgeon and the doc's intern in the exam room, when it came time for the uncomfortable bit.  Glove, bit of lube, co- was told to bend over the bench, doc put a hand on the co-'s left shoulder to brace for the exam, applied pressure with the gloved hand ... and the intern placed a sand-filled glove on the co-'s right shoulder.

The copilot launched, up the bench, and kept going into the corner of the room where it met the ceiling.  Both medicos were showered with fragmented suspended ceiling panels, and the shriek could have been heard across the parking lot. 

When our squadron commander was briefed on the fracas, his only question was, "What?  No banjo music?".
 

Mine called me a Bob Costas, but that was not related to the exam mentioned above.

I see this got canoe'd .... but I was disappointed when I didn't get that test,.

I'd love to know what bot was searching for Woody's prostate. 
 

In reply to bobzilla :

You're really that desperate for contact? 

In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :

I mean.... you offering? 

Wally (Forum Supporter) said:

I'd love to know what bot was searching for Woody's prostate. 
 

In reply to bobzilla :

You're really that desperate for contact

Not sure about Bobzilla, but I remember thinking as foot fifteen or so of the colonoscopy tube went up my nether regions, that the nurse holding me steady and comforting me had given me more tender human contact than my ex wife had for 20 years or so...

bobzilla said:

In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :

I mean.... you offering? 

Not yet, check back when I've spent New Years Eve alone too. 

Streetwiseguy said:

Wally (Forum Supporter) said:

I'd love to know what bot was searching for Woody's prostate. 
 

In reply to bobzilla :

You're really that desperate for contact

Not sure about Bobzilla, but I remember thinking as foot fifteen or so of the colonoscopy tube went up my nether regions, that the nurse holding me steady and comforting me had given me more tender human contact than my ex wife had for 20 years or so...

I honesty remember nothing at all for that 50th BD present.  My eyes may have been open (I recall seeing stuff), but there's no memory of any sensation at all.  Something I have to look forward to for my 55th in a few years.

When the thread started, I would have remembered, as it was late in '17 that it was done.

Went for a tune up some years ago and got a woman Doc.

"Look at the bright side - smaller fingers!"  As she giggles and puts a finger in the air ...

I can't wait until I get to do all this. Family history of rectal health issues and all. 

Tell me you guys have heard this one. Tom Mabe pranks telemarketers and whatnot. Like a reverse Jerky Boys

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TQhv67_GzYs

Wally said:

KyAllroad (Jeremy) said:

"Doc, doc, your ring hurts!"

 

 

"That's not my ring it's my wristwatch."

I have to remember that one.  The first time I had it done The Wife decided she wanted to come to the doctor with me since I sit in on most of her appointments.  The doc springs the news on me that he wants to check given my family history, and as he does it I chuckled, looked at the wife and said “I don’t see why you keep saying no, it’s not bad at all.”  The doc had to excuse himself for about 15 minutes and she hasn’t come to another appointment with me.

I'm glad this came back up. It was that time of year again and this time he does it and I said "that's a nice watch, Seiko?" He said I'm the only patient that makes him more uncomfortable than I he makes them.

Wally (Forum Supporter) said:

bobzilla said:

In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :

I mean.... you offering? 

Not yet, check back when I've spent New Years Eve alone too. 

Copy that

914Driver said:

Went for a tune up some years ago and got a woman Doc.

"Look at the bright side - smaller fingers!"  As she giggles and puts a finger in the air ...

One of my last environmental physicals just happened to be performed by the wife of one of my coworkers.  She was a tiny little blond babydoll.  I was looking forward to the last two things they always checked.  When she got to that part, she turned to the door opened it and said I'm going to let Dr. XX finish the examination.  Of course he was a man.