Almost 9.5 years...

Of course you know why divorce is so expensive right?

914Driver said:

Of course you know why divorce is so expensive right?

Because it's GD worth it!!

Congrats!! Mine just got final a month ago too. Now for the Borders to open...

914Driver said:

Of course you know why divorce is so expensive right?

It isn't.  Arguing (via lawyers) is.

Mine two years ago this month, yes it was worth it.

Been there done this almost 30 years ago. 

I look at it like I was trading up.   Went from a American made French Canadian designed one to a 100 percent Asian model.  Been happy ever since (20 plus years at this point)

Would it be wrong to compare my current wife to a Corolla?  I think we will not do that.  Maybe a GT3000?  I know a Lexus LFA. Yes LFA that is the correct comparison.  

So I went from the French Canadian "Manic GT" (Go look it up).  To an Lexus LFA.  I think I did exceptionally well.  

I think I am going to go home and tell my wife she is my LFA.  See what happens.  

dean1484 said:

Would it be wrong to compare my current wife to a Corolla?  I think we will not do that.  Maybe a GT3000?  I know a Lexus LFA. Yes LFA that is the correct comparison.  

So I went from the French Canadian "Manic GT" (Go look it up).  To an Lexus LFA.  I think I did exceptionally well.  

I think I am going to go home and tell my wife she is my LFA.  See what happens.  

 

Good luck with that. Hope you won't need it.

5 years ago in June for me. Now if she would just leave me the berkeley alone. And she is the one who asked for the divorce, which I immediately granted and told her to put the house in her name and she could have it so I could leave. 

She gave my, my dad and my mom's phone numbers to her boyfriend who spent an evening back in June sending us harassing text messages and making up all kinds of wild claims. 

Last week, she registered a new email (because I have everything blocked from email, to phone, to social medial and LinkedIn) just so she could contact me again "one last time." And no I didn't respond just like I haven't for years, even a negative response would give her attention.


I can't tell you what a mental drain that has been on top of everything else going on in 2020. 

I have a great girl now, we've lived together for 3 years and will be looking at rings soon. Now I just need my ex to move on with her berkeleying life.

Streetwiseguy said:

If it weren't for the whole sex thing, I'd probably be gay.  Well, that and the clothing.

LOL, there are plenty of people in my world who are horrible and/or catty and/or don't know what they want. Dudes are complex too, and you get added fun elements of the post-coming-out "second adolescence" mixed into a society that dictates men traditionally don't share much for feelings, have hard conversations, or show emotion. And dressing well isn't guaranteed, but clothes that fit do wonders for anyone of any orientation.

OP - congrats. Even if it took a long time, it sounds like things ended well enough and you can focus on bigger and brighter things now.

I have been married three times now. After the x2 i had a blast, bought my b5 and my new beetle TDi. The girl friend I had right before my current wife almost had me right off relationships completely. 

Then came my current wife. Needless to say if I was comparing, she is like a Porsche 918 against a Ford Tempo... she has set the bar way to high for any other girl to come close too. 

z31maniac said:

5 years ago in June for me. Now if she would just leave me the berkeley alone. And she is the one who asked for the divorce, which I immediately granted and told her to put the house in her name and she could have it so I could leave. 

She gave my, my dad and my mom's phone numbers to her boyfriend who spent an evening back in June sending us harassing text messages and making up all kinds of wild claims. 

Last week, she registered a new email (because I have everything blocked from email, to phone, to social medial and LinkedIn) just so she could contact me again "one last time." And no I didn't respond just like I haven't for years, even a negative response would give her attention.


I can't tell you what a mental drain that has been on top of everything else going on in 2020. 

 

I have a great girl now, we've lived together for 3 years and will be looking at rings soon. Now I just need my ex to move on with her berkeleying life.

It's amazing what happens when they realize they berkeleyed up. My ex keeps wanting to be friends and sends me links to things she thinks my current would like etc. No. Just ..stop. Our conversation should revolve around our child and nothing else. You wanted it, you got it. 

:shrug:  I am good friends with my ex.  We have a 5 year old.  Life would be miserable if we were enemies.

In reply to m4ff3w :

I remember we talked on the phone about 9.5 years ago since I was either in or just completed a divorce (December 2010 it was final).  

I'm glad things are on the right track for you (but feel bad it had to drag out so long).

I, for one, am in such a better place than I was in my first marriage that it's probably unbelievable.  I trust you are too...celebrate that!

Is it just me or does this sound like a mid-life crisis type scenario where one partner wanted to be foot loose and fancy free and the other wanted a big house, nice cars, kids in private colleges, that type of thing? 

dean1484 said:

Would it be wrong to compare my current wife to a Corolla?  

 

Lucky you ! Mine is a Prius C . Can't afford a divorce though 

Brake_L8 (Forum Supporter) said:

Streetwiseguy said:

If it weren't for the whole sex thing, I'd probably be gay.  Well, that and the clothing.

LOL, there are plenty of people in my world who are horrible and/or catty and/or don't know what they want. Dudes are complex too, and you get added fun elements of the post-coming-out "second adolescence" mixed into a society that dictates men traditionally don't share much for feelings, have hard conversations, or show emotion. And dressing well isn't guaranteed, but clothes that fit do wonders for anyone of any orientation.

OP - congrats. Even if it took a long time, it sounds like things ended well enough and you can focus on bigger and brighter things now.

I've studied the modern male idea of clothes that fit.  You're doing it wrong.

Mndsm said:

z31maniac said:

5 years ago in June for me. Now if she would just leave me the berkeley alone. And she is the one who asked for the divorce, which I immediately granted and told her to put the house in her name and she could have it so I could leave. 

She gave my, my dad and my mom's phone numbers to her boyfriend who spent an evening back in June sending us harassing text messages and making up all kinds of wild claims. 

Last week, she registered a new email (because I have everything blocked from email, to phone, to social medial and LinkedIn) just so she could contact me again "one last time." And no I didn't respond just like I haven't for years, even a negative response would give her attention.


I can't tell you what a mental drain that has been on top of everything else going on in 2020. 

 

I have a great girl now, we've lived together for 3 years and will be looking at rings soon. Now I just need my ex to move on with her berkeleying life.

It's amazing what happens when they realize they berkeleyed up. My ex keeps wanting to be friends and sends me links to things she thinks my current would like etc. No. Just ..stop. Our conversation should revolve around our child and nothing else. You wanted it, you got it. 

Yep. She started a job traveling and educating for a LARGE hair care company, good salary, cell and car allowances, was always the center of attention, etc. She had another dude spending the night at the house on weekends when she was home before I even had all my stuff out, yet claims, "I never cheated on you." YEAH. I'm just glad she never brought an STI home to give to me.

ProDarwin, we didn't have children (and I don't have any with my current girlfriend and we have no plans to do so, she doesn't have any of her own either, or else we would have never started dating).........so there is literally no reason to remain friends. Especially since I don't want to. 

ClemSparks said:

In reply to m4ff3w :

I remember we talked on the phone about 9.5 years ago since I was either in or just completed a divorce (December 2010 it was final).  

I'm glad things are on the right track for you (but feel bad it had to drag out so long).

I, for one, am in such a better place than I was in my first marriage that it's probably unbelievable.  I trust you are too...celebrate that!

That was a loooooooooooong time ago.

Still appreciate that conversation and glad you are in a better place, too.

Things are so much better now.

pheller said:

Is it just me or does this sound like a mid-life crisis type scenario where one partner wanted to be foot loose and fancy free and the other wanted a big house, nice cars, kids in private colleges, that type of thing? 

 

Are you talking about me?

If so, you have it very wrong.

dean1484 said:

Would it be wrong to compare my current wife to a Corolla?  I think we will not do that.  Maybe a GT3000?  I know a Lexus LFA. Yes LFA that is the correct comparison.  

So I went from the French Canadian "Manic GT" (Go look it up).  To an Lexus LFA.  I think I did exceptionally well.  

I think I am going to go home and tell my wife she is my LFA.  See what happens.  

 

I was married to a Fiat (cute little italian), but like most italians, it broke down and burned in a fiery cloud for no apparent reason.  Then I dated (so maybe leased?) a BMW, (sporty german) but she was high maintenance.  Now I have an empty garage.  I was dating a Harley for a while, (biker chick) but we are really just besties.

z31maniac said:

ProDarwin, we didn't have children (and I don't have any with my current girlfriend and we have no plans to do so, she doesn't have any of her own either, or else we would have never started dating).........so there is literally no reason to remain friends. Especially since I don't want to. 

Understandable.  If I didn't have a child when it ended I would've done the same.  Just severed all communication and moved on with my life. 

Comment was more directed at Mndsm.  Once you have a child with someone, you are linked for the rest of your lives, like it or not.  Might as well make the best of it.  To be honest, I wasn't the one who facilitated open communication & friendship, she did, but I am glad she did.

In reply to ProDarwin :

You're not wrong, unless youre my ex. It rotates between berkeleying crazy, and fun, and God only knows what else. 

About a year before our divorce, I set myself up to get my E36 M3 together. I was in a very dark place, personally. It took a raft of drugs and tx two times a week for a solid year, on top of working 80 hours to support her intermittent job stoppage, to get through it. But I did. She was extremely distant and non-communicative the entire time. She never took my needs into consideration at all. (I'm not talking intimacy, that died with my kids birth. I'm talking....not having him in bed when he's berkeleying 4 and still somehow breast feeding so I can get some sleep. On the 3 nights a week I even was home because I was working overnights. ) I don't really know what happened while I wasn't there. I know that when I was she spent all her time in the bedroom watching crime dramas. I ALSO know that she asked for the divorce, pushed me out the door under accusations that I was going to leave her anyhow, and proceeded to rake me over the coals in court as soon as she got a chance. I further know that she was announcing her engagement to her new beau on Christmas, the year left. Actually about 6 weeks after, I moved to Florida on November 15th.  Something tells me she was getting some strange on the side. Additionally virtually every time she contacts me she needs money for something. She has not had a job since April 2016 to my knowledge, but you bet your ass she knows when my check is 5 minutes late. There's a reason she has no idea my grandmother passed and I own part of her house, at least until it's sold to my aunts, who wish to keep it. To top it all off she did the dumbest thing I can POSSIBLY imagine and actually had another kid with new guy.  

I get what you're saying, I try to maintain cordial nature with her, for the sake of my child. I however don't want anything to do with her bullE36 M3, her fiancees bullE36 M3, the kid they had as a result of that bullE36 M3, or anything that was a part of that life. I pretty much cut off everyone that would pass knowledge to her to keep my life as private as possible. She asked for the divorce. She wanted the new man, she got it. She lied to a judge about custody agreements over my child, and she got it. I do not feel bad in saying I do not want to be friends with her. 

z31maniac said:

Mndsm said:

z31maniac said:

5 years ago in June for me. Now if she would just leave me the berkeley alone. And she is the one who asked for the divorce, which I immediately granted and told her to put the house in her name and she could have it so I could leave. 

She gave my, my dad and my mom's phone numbers to her boyfriend who spent an evening back in June sending us harassing text messages and making up all kinds of wild claims. 

Last week, she registered a new email (because I have everything blocked from email, to phone, to social medial and LinkedIn) just so she could contact me again "one last time." And no I didn't respond just like I haven't for years, even a negative response would give her attention.


I can't tell you what a mental drain that has been on top of everything else going on in 2020. 

 

I have a great girl now, we've lived together for 3 years and will be looking at rings soon. Now I just need my ex to move on with her berkeleying life.

It's amazing what happens when they realize they berkeleyed up. My ex keeps wanting to be friends and sends me links to things she thinks my current would like etc. No. Just ..stop. Our conversation should revolve around our child and nothing else. You wanted it, you got it. 

 

Yep. She started a job traveling and educating for a LARGE hair care company, good salary, cell and car allowances, was always the center of attention, etc. She had another dude spending the night at the house on weekends when she was home before I even had all my stuff out, yet claims, "I never cheated on you." YEAH. I'm just glad she never brought an STI home to give to me.

 

ProDarwin, we didn't have children (and I don't have any with my current girlfriend and we have no plans to do so, she doesn't have any of her own either, or else we would have never started dating).........so there is literally no reason to remain friends. Especially since I don't want to. 

Would it have been that bad?

m4ff3w said:

pheller said:

Is it just me or does this sound like a mid-life crisis type scenario where one partner wanted to be foot loose and fancy free and the other wanted a big house, nice cars, kids in private colleges, that type of thing? 

 

Are you talking about me?

If so, you have it very wrong.

Yea, I didn't get that from your story either. 

Sorry you had to go through that. Bad times, at best. Very glad it all worked put! Congrats on the final date!