From what I see of "the teacher" on your FB pages, see looks to be worth it!
When I say "looks" I don't just mean that she is attractive (and she very much is) but more than that, she looks like a "good soul."
I sometimes find when sleep is a problem a good "tug on the rope" can be helpful. Maybe the teacher can "lend a hand" in this department? Might make going to sleep a more enjoyable event? You mention that you'll be seeing a doctor soon. See if you can get him to write the suggestion down on a prescription pad and share the writing with the teacher. Doctor's orders!
Curtis
We never met in person but I'm confident in saying that whatever the obstacle - you can climb over it.
I have this confidence because you're one of the most intelligent and empathetic dorks on chatGRM - and I simply believe you can do anything you set your mind upon.
If accountability is something you would find helpful, I am happy to check in frequently.
You've got this.
In reply to John Welsh :
LOL - I thought I heard all the slang but this is the first time I've heard the rope reference. Too funny.
Anything I have to offer will be worth the price you're paying for it.
Really, you need professional clinical help. You need tools to handle the root trauma that's driving this. Probably therapy combined with daily meditation. ("Meditation" can be any kind of focused activity where you observing your mental state and training yourself not to fight your thoughts and emotions.)
You seem pretty well self-diagnosing. Are you alcoholic and need to stop cold-turkey? Or have you become alcohol dependent for this one situation, and looking for an alternative to ween yourself off the habit? If you were presented with a lower-alcohol option, would that work for you, or would you just drink more volume to equal the same alcohol content?
Assuming you want a good low-alcohol option...
I find tonic water with an herbal liqueur (Campari, Aperol, Creme de Violet) and some lime juice pushes the same buttons for me. The strong bitter flavors give the impression of stronger alcohol. These are typically about half the ABV of regular spirits. Get a properly marked jigger so you can measure out alcohol precisely. I'd recommend .75 oz of Campari in about 3-4 oz of Tonic water. That will have a very strong flavor and only be 1/4 of a serving of alcohol.
You all are wonderful. Thank you.
I'll check in after the doc appointment and therapist chat.
There's not really much I can add to what has already been said, but as a part of making it a bit easier on yourself, if you drink coffee, or any other caffeine, it may be a good idea to cut it out after lunchtime. It won't get rid of the mental/anxiety concerns, but can help your body stay asleep when you do fall asleep.
Meditation has been mentioned several times. I highly recommend it as part of a balanced mental health diet.
This book on Mindfulness was recommended to me by another member here, and has given me some tools that have massively helped me deal with anxiety. In particular week 6 or 7 builds up to a meditation observing thoughts and feelings. A week or two of that really flipped a switch for me. Didn't make thoughts go away or magically empty my head or anything, but gave me the tools to step back from those thoughts and not get caught up in and fighting with them.
There is still a monkey in my head. It still occasionally throws tantrums. But where it used to be grabbing my by the ears and screaming in my face, now it occasionally knocks over furniture in the corner before it gets bored because I'm not engaging with it.
My father was a functional alcoholic so I was around it all of my life. When he was older he told me that kicking the bottle was the hardest thing he ever did in his life. Remember that what you have is a physical addiction and not any personal failing on your part. Use science to treat it, just like any other physical sickness and it it can be cured. You have a hard road ahead of you but what you find at the end is worth the effort.
Hang in there. 
Interesting discussion. There are lots of opinions here and they definitely don't all align. Several people have mentioned addiction, which is about as serious as it gets, but I'm not sure that's necessarily what you are facing. It sounds more like a habit or routine to me than an addiction. That's not to say that some of the same approaches may not work for you, but I think it's important to determine how much choice you have at any given moment.
For whatever it's worth to you, I have, at different times in my life, realized I was going through a lot of alcohol. When I was young and single, I had a bar habit that was getting costly, and it made me wonder whether I had a problem. I decided to try to quit drinking for 30 days to prove that I could. Still went to the same bar, hung out with the same people, and drank Cokes instead of beer. It worked so well as a reset and a reassurance that I did it at least a couple of times, and once even stretched it out to 60 days just to hammer home the point - to myself, and only myself - that I was drinking because I chose to, not because I had to.
More recently, I've noticed empties piling up, or had sticker shock in the beer aisle or at the liquor store, and decided it was a pretty good time to throttle back. It's always been voluntary. The fact that one of my friends found himself in the Beer for Breakfast Club out of sheer boredom during an extended period of unemployment really reinforced the idea that I want to be in charge of my drinking, not the other way around.
I mention these extremely long and boring stories (you probably should have gotten a snack) for whatever good they'll do you. My point, if I can find one, is that you may not be facing actual addiction, and your situation may not necessarily align with more traditional, structured programs. By all means, give them a try if they look like a good fit, but my experience in so many things is that it's easier to find a rescue service after a disaster than it is to find guidance in keeping a small problem from getting bigger.
This is probably not as clearly written as intended. Still, I'm eager to see what works for you.
I'm no help on actual help. But I did learn recently that alcohol does not help you sleep.
In a 2018 study, 1 drink reduced sleep quality by 9.3%, 2 reduced it by 24%, and 3 reduced it by nearly 40%!
Apparently alcohol can also aggravate sleep apnea and insomnia issues.
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/nutrition/alcohol-and-sleep
In reply to Robbie (Forum Supporter) :
Yes! Thank you for bringing that up. I have fallen into that trap myself. While it seems to make it easier to fall asleep, it apparently has a pretty negative effect on the quality of sleep you actually get.
I think that AA's right for some people. Not so much for others. I also think that it's great and amazing that we have such a supportive community here. Good luck, Curtis. That's all I can say.
I have so much to say, but I don't want to spill my beans.
Just know I'm here if you want to talk, vent, etc.
My screen name @ gmail. I'm always available
My Father tried to stop drinking cold turkey in his late 60s after many years of drinking heavily. He ended up in the ER with Delierium Tremons (the DTs) and almost died there. My mother thought he was having a heart attack and called the ambulance. In some cases it is a serious physical addiction.
In reply to Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) :
Fortunately, we're very far away from that right now. I have quit a couple times; once because I was on a medication for a while that prohibited it, and once for a month to try and diagnose a digestive issue (which turned out to be IBS) Neither time caused any side effects other than sleeplessness and a craving for an IPA. There have also been countless nights sleeping over at Hot for Teacher's house where I had nothing to drink or just maybe a glass of wine and I woke up refreshed and happy.
In reply to Curtis73 (Forum Supporter) :
Dad was an extreme case. Most people don't get that bad. It's a good thing that you are not there.
Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) said:
In some cases it is a serious physical addiction.
No question. In a great many cases it is.
In many cases, though, it's not. My dad drank beer daily and with great enthusiasm all through my childhood (coincidence?) and then quit rather suddenly when I was in high school. The state had just raised taxes on alcoholic beverages and he, being a semi-pro cheapskate, decided he'd rather quit than pay it. It was two weeks before I noticed there was no Budweiser in the fridge. He's been drinking O'Douls for thirty years now.
I mention this because a handful of people have insisted that choosing not to drink must mean that he had a drinking problem. If he was an alcoholic, he wasn't very good at it.
Again, I'm eager to see what works for Curtis's situation. The fact that he's openly looking for input here suggests that this is something he wants to do, not something that is being forced on him. Not being a gambling man, I'd still say the odds are stacked in his favor.
I hope you are able to find something. Alcoholism manifests itself in many different ways, I'm sure treatment does as well.
Personally I highly disagree with some aspects of AA, however its become the de-facto solution in the US and if you shun AA you are most likely fighting the battle on your own.
ShawnG
MegaDork
8/14/23 6:40 p.m.
Lots of opinions on AA on here and they're all valid, everyone's experience is different.
I have two close friends who are recovering thanks to AA and NA, they have good things to say.
My father was an alcoholic and tried the program but couldn't stick with it.
I've read some of the literature to understand what my dad and my friends were going through and it helped me with some of my own issues.
Curtis, I hope you find what you need to get your stuff together, it doesn't sound like you need something like AA, just to find something you can use.
In my life, meditation has helped me a great deal. It helps me to get out of the loop of evaluating situations over and over in my head.
In reply to Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) :
My sister had throat cancer surgery and mentioned prior to the staff there she would drink a glass of wine when she really pounded booze.
She came out of surgery and went into serious withdrawal to where they drugged her up to put her out for a few days. It was bad.
Lesson - always be honest with the medical folks.
I am not super knowledgeable on this, but I am aware that a major component of AA is invoking and giving yourself up to a "higher power". I can see how that would be a bit strange or uncomfortable to some when it's constantly the Christian "god" that is used. It doesn't seem like there is any reason it could not be another "power" (e.g. mother nature, Earth etc)
I am wondering if there are AA's out there that concentrate more on the higher power aspect, rather than religion?
I mean, realistically, it seems, all of them should be like that, but with the commonality of Christian/Jewish/Muslim religions, all of which I believe it is generally appropriate to refer to a god (?), I can see how they end up that way but there is also a trend for people to be less religious, so there might be something out there catering to that? (it might even be an idea to start such a thing in the future if you are motivated)
In reply to aircooled :
I know someone who is part of an AA group of agnostic atheists. So there are groups out there, although not common (especially here in the south)
I had a friend years ago who decided to cool it on drinking after he ran his car into a tree late one night. The car he wrecked was a nice 1970 Ford Torino that he spent over a year restoring and spent endless hours making the body perfect and the paint even more perfect. There was a lot of sweat and labor in that car.
He put the kibosh on his drinking right then and there and kept a picture of that wrecked car in his wallet just to serve as a reminder to what excessive drinking can lead to. He was lucky to drive away before the cops got there and that there was no damage to anything but the car and a tree. It could have been worse.
