Alzheimers is the Devil.

In reply to 914Driver :

Dan

Is it dimensia or alzheimers?  While there are similar symptoms, they are not the same.

Not that it makes anything any better- but dimensia seems to be more an long term aging issue with the brain, whereas alzheimers is a degenerative brain disease, that eventually leads to premature death.  My wife had an uncle with alzheimers, and it's so very terrible that you end up not able to even move.  It was sad to see him die like that.  Dimensia isn't as deadly, but still quite debilitating.

Dealing with dimensia may be easier with assistance, as there seems to be many homes that are familiar with that and can deal with it.  Hope you can find a place that relieves you and your family's pain.  

Good wishes from me.

Alzheimers.

914Driver said:

Alzheimers.

  Good luck...  Wish I could help, but the Uncle was kept home with the Aunt taking care of him, mostly.  Seems like the toughest thing in the world to do- watch your spouse die slowly like that.  Doesn't seem like a great solution.

My advice is look for long term care now. A day facility might work for a bit but the wait list at the better full time facilities is long and rooms only come available one very sad way. There is no telling how fast the disease will go. My mom went from no visible issues to thinking I was her brother in 2 years. And be ready for the anger. It doesn't happen with everyone but the disease and realization that things are not going right can completely change a persons disposition and you will have to remember they the person yelling and screaming is not the same person you knew so try and separate the two.

My folks are also at mid eighties, and my dad is in decline. My partner's family , due to divorce and new marriages, has six parental figures still alive. So there's a lot to consider, and arrange. One dimensia case has brought out some of the worst behavior in the children of the afflicted. Institutional care in Mexico is being considered, and offers some remarkably good options. 

Slight tangent: This article from a few years ago really kick started my considerations about end of life.

Why I hope to die at 75

which eventually included discussions among our friends of getting " Do Not Resuscitate" tattoos. It's been challenging and refreshing to freely discuss end of life planning with family and friends.  Another good source of info is  "Being Mortal"  by  Atul Gawande. Written by a doctor, talking about the end of life process with his own father , also a doctor.

The morbidity of the topic is balanced by the reminder to appreciate each day that you have, each friend , and each bogged down project buried in the garage.

In reply to 914Driver :

Your predicament has weighed heavily on my mind.  To the point that SWMBO and I  discussed at length last evening.  I didn't mention that I, too, went through dealing with situation with my father (age 83) 2 1/2 years ago.  I did not realize how much my father was affected.  And how much my mother was in denial and covered for him.  When my mother had to be hospitalized suddenly.  I immediately returned home originally to stay with dad and be near mom.  That disruption triggered and revealed my father's severity of symptoms.  in short order my father became beligerent and hostile to point of calling police to have me arrested for stealing his car.  That was July 2015.    

By August 2015 we had to have him forcibly admitted to a psych waRd for 28 days.  Once stabilized he was admitted to alzheimer residential unit.  We were hopeful to get him to point of being able to return home.  Unfortunately he fell and broke. his hip 2 weeks later.  Did partial hip replacement which failed after 1 week requiring full hip replacement.  Had to be admitted to special rehab unit that could deal with PT and alzheimers .  Severe infection set in that further exacerbated psyche neuro decline.  Died October 2015.

My father's ordeal illustrates how quickly things can go south.   Four months before dad's death he was living on our farm and bush hogging on a tractor, cutting trees, tending to cows.  Mom keeping him stable with a set routine.  Her hospitalization revealed how bad he was.  SWMBO cautions that , depending on how advanced his condition is, change in routine (i.e., day programs) may add to his confusion.  She suggested you contact his physician to get an accurate assessment of his condition.  Also you need to know his functional limits.  Is he able to feed himself, take car of personal hygiene, shower, shave, dress himself, etc without supervision.

One of the difficult things I had to cope wuth was how lucid dad could be at times causing me to be in denial when he had his spells of dementia. Perfect example:  my brother took dad to see his neurologist when we were trying to figure out what was going on.  He was seemingly "normal" during visit.  While in waiting room he excused himself to go to restroom.  When he was gone a bit too long, they couldn't find him.  At that point my brother discovered dad had somehow lifted car keys and had escaped.  2 hours later, he was detained by police 6 miles away in a convenience store thinking he was in Vietnam completely disoriented.  I guess his 25 years of special ops/ranger training paid off.

Reading all of this saddens me.  I can't help but think of the numerous discussions I've had with my parents about the ways in which our society, and medical community, can be (in our opinions) misguided...Especially in regards to terminal and end of life care.

In reply to Driven5 :

As one doc explained either mind goes and physical health is good or physical health declines and mind is good...rare that they coincide.

Short of dying in your sleep after a good day of fishing, happy that my dad was physically active and doing what he loved until his last 4 months.

In reply to Ovid_and_Flem :

When they do coincide, its really really hard to deal with. 

My dad didn't make it to Alzheimer's, but after what was figured out to be a series of mini strokes related to an infection in his fistula port, the... I'm not sure which dementia or senility, really took hold. Whichever one that while you're actually lying in a downtown hospital bed where you've lived the last 3 months, you're talking to someone whose been dead for 30 years on the side of a river that's 2 hours away. 

We set everything up for hospice that week, Friday morning came, the van showed up to the hospital, and it was like a mental light switch got flipped, all of a sudden everything was clear and normal again. That was the beginning of the last 3 years of his life, which were harder on him and us than the 20 years of medical experimentation he'd gone through leading up to it.