Well guys I just got back from my trip down to Portland with the girl friend. We went and saw the George Strait concert and that was loads of fun. While in town we stopped by my fathers foster care home to visit him. He is doing alright but is going a bit stir crazy in the home. He asked me if he could move out here and live with us, then we would get paid for taking care of him.
He mostly has dementia and memory problems though when he is on his meds he does quite well most of the time. He has developed some problems getting around mostly from lack of an ability to get out and do things so he mostly sits in his room and reads. He also would love to be able to help me with various projects and even just sit and watch as I worked on the cars.
My mom pointed out that my neighbor, who is a friend, is a nurse that deals mostly with taking care of the elderly and I could possibly have her watch over my dad if Tiff and I wanted to get out of town for a few days. We have an extra room in the back of the house with its own half bath that would be his room. I'm not working now and just going to school. I need to check on it but I'm sure he can be on his own for a few hours at a time and just needs to have someone make sure he eats and takes his pills.
Am I crazy for considering this? I still need to talk to the girl friend about it though considering she lives with me, but I wanted to get some feed back before I even bring it up. I was kind of thinking about moving him out here for the summer as a trial and if it didn't work find him a foster care home here local so he is at least closer than across the state.
My aunt took care of her father in his waning years. It became three full time jobs and drove her to the brink of insanity. I am being polite about what it did to her, it was really rough. Move him to a home NEAR you and spend time with him, but do not bring him home unless you are ready to have a very large, potentially dangerous, infant living with you.
While I dont doubt your sincerity in this matter, I have seen on too many occasions the patient outlive the care-giver. The caregiver has all the stress in their life and it can eat you alive. Move him close to you but dont move him in.
In my first marriage, we lived with her mother (who was also elderly, but quite independent). That caused considerable strain on our relationship -- it is hard for people not to revert back to former roles in such situations (my ex became "the daughter", not my wife, for example). Not a decision to be entered into lightly. And if you do, consider formalizing it -- or at least agreeing to re-assess it at various times.
Noble sentiment -- but a huge commitment.
Having said that, I would happily take my dad in (and I'm not just saying that because he sometimes read this board 
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John Brown wrote:
...unless you are ready to have a very large, potentially dangerous, infant living with you.
Yeah this is kind of my biggest fear.
He is will be 66 this year and this basically is the result of a life time of serious injuries. He reads calculus and philosophy books for fun even now. He was an engineer with Boeing and is the one that got me into wanting to work on cars and learn how things work in general.
Move him to a home near you.. and take him out OFTEN.. even if it is only to bring him home for lunch... taking care of him on your own will kill you and your marriage.. but he does need the contact.
66 seems young for dementia.. that sucks
My grandfather had dementia. He stayed home until the end. Died in his own bed. The last several years were tough. Taking care of them near the end can turn into a 24 hour a day job. It takes a lot of dedication from you and your significant other.
You aren't crazy. Brave maybe. Make sure you know what you're getting into before you mention it to him. Good luck.
I agree with lots of visits, bringing him home for an afternoon, maybe even a weekend on occasion. Leave the full time care to the pros. Sounds callus, but is best for all in the long run.
mad_machine wrote:
66 seems young for dementia.. that sucks
He has had his head cracked open a couple of times, including one time when a Corvette convertible he was racing rolled. He has even been shot in the face with a 12 ga. and still has pellets in his eye 
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When I was there this last weekend he was wanting me to dig through his stuff I have in storage to find his photo album with all his pictures of when he use to race and the like. He really misses driving but the docs say that is a no no these days can't say I don't agree, he doesn't belong behind the wheel anymore.
