Any experience with Selective Mutism?

My daughter was diagnosed with selective mutism, it is extremely difficult to get her to talk in public settings although she never stops talking at home with us. We've been reading books and whatnot just wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

sounds like a form of anxiety?

Yes, it is a way of dealing with situational anxiety.

I thought as Much. My niece, while she did not go mute in public.. was near impossible for us to get her to interact with people she did not know. At age 14, she is still very "shy"

We always said she was shy but at school she has never spoken to her teacher. We homeschooled her for a couple years because no one can or knows how to deal with her but we've gone back to school since she can't just escape. I am reading what's available about it but it isn't a well studied/covered diagnosis.

in hindsight, i knew a kid like this in my elementary school.

perfectly functional and sociable, played with kids, engaged with tests, ran around, jumped up on playgrounds, but said next to nothing out of his mouth, only to find he was a crazy chatterbox at home.

i didn't really cross paths with him until middleschool and he seemed to 'grow out of it,' but was still a private person mostly.

Just make sure she stays sociable. That is one of the problems with my niece. When she was very little, my sister got a new boyfriend.. she would send the kid to her room to watch movies for hours on end while being "sociable" with her boyfriend.

Does not hurt that we came to find out later that he was a complete control freak and abusive. My sister can pickem

How old is your daughter?

Going to be 9 next month, they said it is rarely diagnosed because parents figure "it's just a phase", as we did.

Let me throw this out there for thought. Part of scrambling my brain on the rock last year causes me to verbally "stick" or freeze some times. Most especially when flustered or intimidated. Basically all my thoughts and words get jumbled and I can't get started. While it has gotten better, it hasn't all gone away.

A work around, or work through, that sorta works for me is to toss the words out there in whatever order they come. Then, I can usually put them together a second time, in better order. Which will then usually lets me start talking in a pretty normal manner.

So as an example, someone barks at me and I freeze up. A few second later I may blurt "float carburetor flood hammer". A few seconds after that I might say "your float sticks. That's why it floods." And then I might be able to start speaking completely. Just a thought that might help.

I was kinda like this when I was in elementary and middle school. Speaking in front of the class was a nightmare, I rarely volunteered in class and if I got called on for an answer I would always either act as if I had been day dreaming or feign looking for the answer in the text book we were using that the teacher just went to someone else. Even though I usually knew the answer and was paying attention.

Once I got to high school and started realizing that life just went along and even adults that I had always thought knew everything and all the rules are just making it up as they went. My fear and anxiety in those situations started going away after that epiphany, as I began my rebellious teen angst phase.

I suffer from social anxiety. I have a hard time interacting with people I don't know. This sounds similar to that.

A year on:

She went to therapy for about a six months which helped her open up to someone she didn't know. She will always be the quiet kid in social settings not of her own makings but she now will interact with those around her if neccesary.

It's a great relief to us.

Excellent.

Sort of sounds like myself, but, I just chalk it up as being an introvert.

That is awesome news. Please keep up some sort of training and encouragement for her to try to expand her abilities. As a child it can be very lonely wanting the things that outgoing people get (like acceptance and companionship) but not having the ability to ask for them. Having practice in the skills required to interact socially and the will to force herself to learn and use them gives her the choice of who to interact with instead of being stuck only interacting with people who force their interaction on her.

I must say I was very shy in elementary school (but not as shy as your daughter) and have never really outgrown it much. I talk fine with people I know, but put me in a large crowd of people I don't know and I clam up. I just don't know how to have a conversation in those scenarios. Strange thing is lately I can and will talk to perfect strangers one on one.

Now might be a good time to join ToastMasters with her, and help her (and you) get better at public speaking and debating :)

I've been meaning to join TM for some time, but I actually enjoy doing presentations and speeches. Weird, eh?

Try introducing new people either 1-on-1, or even 3-on-1, where you guys are present in the background as backup. A lot of the anxiety can come from not understanding the rules or social dynamics of an unknown large group. Having enough of your known, comfortable people around can mitigate that.

Also, congrats on the progress. From the responses in this thread, seems like something many people deal with at one point or another.

Good to hear the improvement.

My daughter started middle school yesterday; she still isn’t outgoing and never will be but the therapy coupled with her mother and I constantly encouraging her she has become a person on her own. If you see this in your own children please take the time to interact, we left it longer than we should have and it was painful but there are a lot of good resources that have shown up in the last three four years on this condition that will really help.

I wish her and you luck.  I was never diagnosed with anything as a kid but I was terribly shy and uncomfortable in public.  In grade school I did anything i could to avoid speaking to more than one or two people at a time.  it set me back in a number of ways as I got older and passed on what in hindsight would have been good opportunities to do better in life.  I am still uncomfortable in some public settings and in things like job interviews.  I can't offer much help beyond hoping it's something she can work past but thank you for looking into it beyond just assuming she's shy.

Glad it worked out, I have the exact opposite problem. Trying to teach my kids not too talk to everyone.

How nice of you to share the progress that your daughter has made.

My daughter also started middle School this week, it's a challenge for anyone.

Her older brother has transitioned this week from a small private school for autistic kids to the Engineering Academy at the high school. He was up early for school this morning, and he's never up early.

It's hard to be a parent, but also such a joy, all at the same time.

I used to be a somewhat quiet kid who would chatterbox at home.  One of my watershed things was taking acting classes. I wonder if this might help. For me it was a fear of looking foolish in front of others. Much of the whole point of acting class is to make yourself look foolish. It might be a terrible sink or swim moment, but it might also be a good pathway forward.