Arr Matey - Sept 19

Dave Barry came up with the idea that every year on Sept 19 that people should talk like a pirate.

http://talklikeapirate.com/wordpress/

For the last seven or eight years or so I have been sending my daughters, now both in their early 20's, the lamest pirate jokes on the 19th.  Every hour or two, all day long, they get a text with one from a list I compile in the weeks beforehand.  I have had their friends ask to be put on the list but I have kept it just between us.  

Finding good (bad really) pirate jokes is not that easy as too many of them are childish.   Does the hive have any that can send my way. 

Thanks!!!

This only works for TV watchers of a certain age:

"Have you ever tasted semen, Billy?"

"No, Captain Hindgrinder."

What's a pirates favorite letter?

(wait for person to say R)

you would think it was R, but it's actually the C.

maybe that works better in person.  ;)

dculberson said:

What's a pirates favorite letter?

(wait for person to say R)

you would think it was R, but it's actually the C.

 

 

maybe that works better in person.  ;)

'Tis be the sea.

alternately:  Pirates cannot read or write.

A pirate walks into a bar. He has a steering wheel on his belt buckle.

The bartender says: " what's with the steering wheel on your belt buckle?"

The Pirate replies "Arr, it's drivin' me nuts"

You wouldn't download a car.

What's a pirate's favorite car?

G-T-Arrrrrrrr.

alternate: Toyota Yaarrrrisss.

The only Pirate jokes I know are the Pittsburgh Pirates.  

If you need music, here's some pirate rap 

hold your tongue with your fingers and then say "I was born on a pirate ship".

This one is really "irish 239 bean soup", but could be converted:

Why does pirate 239 bean soup only have 239 beans?

Because if it had one more it would be two-faRRRRRRRty

Do you know what pirates name their parrots?

Me neither.

When you see a footprint next to a small hole in the ground, what are you looking at?

Pirate tracks.

(ok, that one is a bit predictable even for lame pirate jokes)

why did the pirate have so many friends?

He was always the life of the paRRRRty

dculberson said:

What's a pirates favorite letter?

(wait for person to say R)

you would think it was R, but it's actually the C.

 

 

maybe that works better in person.  ;)

The X is where the treasure is, but true pirate aficionados know it is really the I, because they always say it twice. "Aye aye matey!"

I'm having way more fun with this than I should.

How do you tell if a pirate is from Spain?

He rolls his aRRRRRRs.

Why are pirate movies always rated aRRRR?

Was Moby Dick hunting whales or treasure?

Neither, he was a whale.

Why was the pirate disappointed with his son's straight-a report card?

There was no mention R, X, I, or C.

When do pirates use two eyes?

Only at the beginning of a sentence "Aye Aye matey".

What did they call Blackbeard when he got old?

What the heck does "shiver me timbers" even mean anyway?

What do you call a pirate with only one leg?

Lame

Why does everyone think Jack Sparrow is a real pirate?

He's not, because he clearly has two eyes, two hands, two legs, and two names.

Ok, I'm clearly running out of steam here. This was fun!