Wally
Wally GRM+ Memberand UltimaDork
6/10/12 10:22 a.m.

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2012/06/car_thief_who_was_high_on_drug.html

Car thief who was high on drugs and masturbating when he plowed into Portland crime scene will not have to register as sex offender

A man who was intoxicated and masturbating to pornography when he drove a stolen car through the crime scene tape surrounding the homicide of a teen-age boy last year will not have to register as a sex offender.

Judge Michael McShane said Friday that he thought mental illness -- not sexual motivations -- led Kevin Signalness to a new low on April 18, 2011.

That's the night several police officers saw Signalness, 41, plow into the area they had cordoned off to investigate the death of Shiloh Hampton, 14, who had been fatally wounded on a sidewalk in Northeast Portland's Holladay Park, just south of Lloyd Center shopping mall. When one of the officers confronted Signalness about his masturbation and the pornography on the front passenger seat, Signalness reportedly replied "You caught me red-handed."

Signalness had a blood alcohol level of .02 percent, well below the legal limit of .08 percent. But Signalness also admitted to using methamphetamine and marijuana.

In September, he pleaded guilty to and was convicted of driving under the influence of intoxicants and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. He also was found to be in violation of his probation for a 2009 car-theft conviction. He was sentenced to three years of probation and 1 1/2 years in prison -- of which he served 11 months before he was released.

Signalness also pleaded no contest in Multnomah County Circuit Court to felony public indecency, and Friday the judge was asked to decide the final condition of Signalness' sentence: Whether Signalness should have to register as a sex offender.

Prosecutor Jeff Auxier noted that a mental health expert who evaluated Signalness found that he is at moderate to high risk for re-offending with a new sex crime. Defense attorney Rachel Philips said the evaluation was flawed, and that her client shouldn't have to register as a sex offender especially because the events of that April night didn't involve touching any victims.

The judge allowed Signalness to withdraw his public-indecency plea, and dismissed that charge. Doing so means Signalness won't be required under Oregon law to register as a sex offender.

The judge remarked on how Signalness has drastically changed since his arrest -- from someone who couldn't carry on a conversation to someone who spoke coherently and looked healthy. McShane commended Signalness for sticking with drug treatment.

"When you're on your meds and you're off drugs, it's clear to me you're really a decent person," McShane said.

Signalness appeared overcome with gratitude. He bowed his head and thanked the judge.

Curmudgeon
Curmudgeon MegaDork
6/10/12 10:39 a.m.

If he was driving a manual transmission car at the time, then he's really talented.

mad_machine
mad_machine GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
6/10/12 10:59 a.m.

that's why he had the accident.. he upshifted when he shouldn't have

stanger_missle
stanger_missle GRM+ Memberand Reader
6/10/12 12:25 p.m.

It was the money shift where he blew it...

mad_machine
mad_machine GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
6/10/12 1:18 p.m.
stanger_missle wrote: It was the money shift where he blew it...

So he overrevved?

Woody
Woody GRM+ Memberand UltimaDork
6/10/12 1:24 p.m.

I'm sure his insurance premium is going up.

nicksta43
nicksta43 HalfDork
6/10/12 1:43 p.m.

Everyone should get off of drugs and on their meds.

Curmudgeon
Curmudgeon MegaDork
6/10/12 4:12 p.m.
stanger_missle wrote: It was the money shift where he blew it...

Then he is some kinda limber.

fasted58
fasted58 UltraDork
6/10/12 4:57 p.m.
nicksta43 wrote: Everyone should get off of drugs and on their meds.

like Viagra ??

Trans_Maro
Trans_Maro SuperDork
6/10/12 5:12 p.m.

This is awesome...

America and Japan are officially tied for the most amusing countries in the world.

Keep the entertainment coming!!

stanger_missle
stanger_missle GRM+ Memberand Reader
6/10/12 7:19 p.m.
mad_machine wrote:
stanger_missle wrote: It was the money shift where he blew it...
So he overrevved?

Possibly.... I can't imagine it's easy to drive with your hand on two knobs at the same time...

Gearheadotaku
Gearheadotaku GRM+ Memberand SuperDork
6/10/12 7:27 p.m.

Steer with your knee I guess

turboswede
turboswede GRM+ Memberand PowerDork
6/10/12 8:51 p.m.

Sigh... I can't believe this happened in my home town. We're Oregon! Not Florida.

So do you think he double-clutches? I'm guessing he didnt granny-shift....

Derick Freese
Derick Freese SuperDork
6/10/12 8:57 p.m.

In reply to turboswede:

Dunno, he might be into GMILFs.

stanger_missle
stanger_missle GRM+ Memberand Reader
6/10/12 9:04 p.m.

Bath salts?

Appleseed
Appleseed PowerDork
6/10/12 10:23 p.m.

He was granny shiftin' and not double chutchin' like he was supposta.

HiTempguy
HiTempguy SuperDork
6/11/12 10:15 a.m.
stanger_missle wrote: Bath salts?

RossD
RossD UltraDork
6/11/12 10:39 a.m.
nicksta43 wrote: Everyone should get off ...

Huh...?

The_Jed
The_Jed SuperDork
7/20/13 9:28 a.m.

If a thing's worth doing...

Where were you the last time you had the urge to fap?

Giant Purple Snorklewacker
Giant Purple Snorklewacker MegaDork
7/20/13 10:56 a.m.
Trans_Maro wrote: America and Japan are officially tied for the most amusing countries in the world.

No way. The japanese are so far ahead in "berkeleyed up" that they don't even know what to masturbate to any more.

Shrink Wrapped People

fasted58
fasted58 PowerDork
7/20/13 11:05 a.m.

The judge remarked on how Signalness has drastically changed since his arrest -- from someone who couldn't carry on a conversation to someone who spoke coherently and looked healthy. McShane commended Signalness for sticking with drug treatment.

"When you're on your meds and you're off drugs, it's clear to me you're really a decent person," McShane said.

ohtay

JoeyM
JoeyM GRM+ Memberand MegaDork
7/20/13 12:36 p.m.
turboswede wrote: Sigh... I can't believe this happened in my home town. We're Oregon! Not Florida.

Hey......You guys have Portland!! That's like all of our crazy in one convenient package.

poopshovel
poopshovel MegaDork
7/20/13 3:29 p.m.

Good thing for the cops they didn't catch him "White-handed."

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