Bathroom Etiquette

Let me set the stage for you. Public restroom, could be at work, could be at a restaurant, I’ve seen this in more than a few places. A guy is in the stall doing his business. When he exits the stall he’s holding his unbuttoned, unzipped, unbelted pants. He then walks all the way to the sink and proceeds to button, zip, belt himself up while standing in front of the sink. Why? First off, I’d really like you to conceal your frank and beans before you come out because I don’t want to see ANYTHING at all. Secondly, why can’t you put yourself away in the stall. Do you need room to do pilates stretches before buttoning your pants?
Am I the only one who has ever seen this? It happened at work the other day and I almost told the guy to go back in the stall and get himself situated before he comes out. I don’t want to stand right next to a guy and wash my hands while his springy-jobs are flying out of his nether regions. Really, these guys seem to make quite the production out of buttoning up. And I swear, if he gets his member caught in his zipper I am NOT helping.
That is all.

The worst I've seen is putting their junk away just as they're leaving the stall and then zipping everything up at the sink, but never actually walking away from the stall with their junk hanging out.

I remember you've shared some...interesting stories about your co-workers before...might be the crowd you're around.

I've hardly ever seen that, but the guys that walk up to a urinal, flush, and then do their business and walk away is a berkeleying epidemic. You flush at the end you berking idiots!

I find it amazing how messy a bathroom sink can be, yet when I am in there nobody actually washes their hands

The more men I interact with throughout my life the more I'm amazed any females have ever let me near them. I try to be "one of the good ones" but they have no way of knowing that. And given the odds, they really have no reason to even assume it.

Pretty sure if I were a girl I'd begin every encounter with a guy with a pre-emptive tazing, just to set the mood of the interaction.

I just get the guy who comes around the corner, "guns a blazin'," not realizing that the urinal is occupied.

I stopped at a truck-stop, gas station once to relieve myself. Upon finishing, I went over to the sink to wash my hands. That's when I noticed the TOTALLY NUDE guy standing next to the other sink, washing his entire body.

Keep in mind, this is a truck stop that has showers.

Not something you see every day......thankfully.

One other peeve----- Bathroom attendants. I tip waiters, bartenders, cabbies, rental car shuttle drivers, etc. I won't tip a bathroom attendant. I don't need help in there.....I've got it covered. I also don't want to make chit-chat as I leave a stall. Go away, I can handle this on my own! (Charlotte airport, I'm looking at you)

The reason for not buttoning/belting back up is because you just wiped your ass and now your putting all that on the OUTSIDE of your pants.

Now, its not uncommon for me to pull up my pants and zip, but I wait for the button and belt until after my hands are washed.

You want to talk about uncomfortable? How bout urinals that are only 1' apart and NO DIVIDER. You've either got to be humping the urinal in order to get privacy, or you're all out there trying to avoid the spray of your own stream or your neighbors. Guess they felt differently back in the 50's when this place was built.

Joe Gearin wrote: One other peeve----- Bathroom attendants. I tip waiters, bartenders, cabbies, rental car shuttle drivers, etc. I won't tip a bathroom attendant. I don't need help in there.....I've got it covered. I also don't want to make chit-chat as I leave a stall. Go away, I can handle this on my own! (Charlotte airport, I'm looking at you)

I hate bathroom attendants with a burning passion. I don't need help washing my hands thank you very much.

Bathroom attendants are banking on you feeling bad about their situation and tipping them out of pity.

Joe Gearin wrote: One other peeve----- Bathroom attendants. I tip waiters, bartenders, cabbies, rental car shuttle drivers, etc. I won't tip a bathroom attendant. I don't need help in there.....I've got it covered. I also don't want to make chit-chat as I leave a stall. Go away, I can handle this on my own! (Charlotte airport, I'm looking at you)

Yeah, what's up with Charlotte? I'm embarrassed for the attendant, he's embarrassed......There are few things in life more awkward.

Patiently awaits swank force one's rant about people at his workplace......

It can be a tramatizing experience giving birth to a fudgeling sometimes though, so I generally give people a bit of a pass.

(gets up on creaky soapbox)

These things all happen at work:

-Guy comes in, proceeds to the urinal, starts talking to himself in another language (praying maybe?) rips a cheek splitter, finishes up, and then goes to the sink. There, he will drink and slosh around the sink water in his mouth, mumble something, and spit it all over the place. Drink, slosh, repeat, about 5-6 times. The aftermath is a stinky bathroom that looks like the side of the SeaWorld pool after the Shamu water show. I know this sounds insensitive, and I don't care who or what you pray to (I'm not judging anyone), but drinking that gross sink water and spitting it everywhere is not cool. It's disgusting, and whatever higher being (s) you worship would probably slap you if they were paying attention.

-Chatters. If I'm at the urinal, I do NOT want to talk. I'm there to complete a mission, not to chat. Sorry bro, I'll tell you all about my weekend later.

-Same thing with the cell phones. As impressive as it is to single handedly do #1 at the urinal, you don't need to be chatting about it with a client. Hang up and pee.

-In the stalls... Ok dude, I get it, you had to poop. You may have made an arduous journey to our corner of the building to hide from all the familiar faces you work with to take the Browns to the Super Bowl, but I don't need the sound effects. Unless you are getting disemboweled by a zombie two stalls down, I don't wanna hear it. Even then, get disemboweled silently. Show some courtesy!

-FLUSH WHEN YOU ARE DONE. It's very simple. It's surprising how many people don't get that, and it's vile.

End rant.

Joe Gearin wrote: I stopped at a truck-stop, gas station once to relieve myself.

I only used a truck-stop bathroom once, I think there was a thin puddle of urine that encompassed the entire bathroom.

I don't understand how in a purely office environment full of engineers, there was consistently either a deuce floating in one of the stalls or pee on the seats. Seriously?

DrBoost wrote: Am I the only one who has ever seen this?

To my knowledge...yes

Seriously, though...I've not seen this (and I'm glad)

PHeller wrote: Bathroom attendants are banking on you feeling bad about their situation and tipping them out of pity.

Yeah. At my bachelor party we were at a place of adult entertainment and they had a bathroom attendant who was probably about 6'5" and 350 and reminded me of the main character from Of Mice and Men. I tipped him partly out of pity and partly cause I didn't know if he would rip my head off.

Hmmmm I have another question. Pretend the office restroom is nothing like the previously mentioned restrooms and is surprisingly clean. Is it ok to brush your teeth in there? I have a backup toothbrush and tooth paste in my desk and on certain occasions, like a dawn patrol surf session before coming in the office or extreme onions during lunch... I'll brush my teeth in there. Is that weird? I've never been caught in the act and I'll go back later if someone is in there.

PHeller wrote: The reason for not buttoning/belting back up is because you just wiped your ass and now your putting all that on the OUTSIDE of your pants. Now, its not uncommon for me to pull up my pants and zip, but I wait for the button and belt until after my hands are washed. You want to talk about uncomfortable? How bout urinals that are only 1' apart and NO DIVIDER. You've either got to be humping the urinal in order to get privacy, or you're all out there trying to avoid the spray of your own stream or your neighbors. Guess they felt differently back in the 50's when this place was built.

The urinal equations hadn't yet been developed yet, so they just kinda winged it back then. http://blog.xkcd.com/2009/09/02/urinal-protocol-vulnerability/

fritzsch wrote: I don't understand how in a purely office environment full of engineers, there was consistently either a deuce floating in one of the stalls or pee on the seats. Seriously?

Same here, same here.

Or people are too lazy to press the button when it doesn't automatically flush, leave toilet paper on the floor..........

I work with a guy who's the full package of what not to do. Follows others in because he can't shut his vapid yap, MAJOR sound effects from the stalls, occasional runny Spaghetti O explosions all over, etc. One of the other guys watched him bring in a piece of pizza, set it atop the urinal, do his business while blabbing on loud with a faceful of food, not wash, then continue eating the piss pizza.

I don't much care for all the perks that come with being an executive, but if I were one, a private bathroom would be incredible.

1. I subscribe to the Henry Rollins theory: Average dude's IQ apparently drops by a hundred berkeleying points as soon as he enters a public restroom. How the berkeley do these dudes EVER GET LAID when they can't hit a berkeleying 16? 18"? target?

2. berkeleyING_MEXICANS. PLUMINGO EN LOS ESTADODOS UNIDOS IS MUY berkeleyING BUENO, NUMBTARD! You don't leave your berkeleying E36 M3ty toilet paper on the floor OR in the trash, you nasty ass motherberkeleyers! I've fired people for that E36 M3.

Of course, the risk of getting dressed in the stall is having your cell phone fall off your belt clip into the E36 M3ter.