Bathroom Etiquette

I hate when restrooms don't have toilet seat liners aka 'ass gaskets'. Ya don't know the last time they were properly cleaned and how many non-hygienic knuckle-draggers have used it since.

EastCoastMojo wrote: Fortunately I can say that while the ladie's bathrooms aren't always "tidy", we don't have to worry 'bout no beans and franks in there. Gals still don't always hit the target though, something I still can't quite wrap my head around. You're sitting right ON the motherberkleyer, WTH?

Having worked the front end at a store (Target in an upscale suburb), I will never, ever again take a job that may possibly entail me cleaning a women's bathroom.

The men's room may be dirty at times, or someone "came in hot" and missed a bit, but the sheer number of times that "something or other" would be smeared on the walls, floor, handles, or sink of the women's room was just astounding.

My first job involved cleaning the restrooms at a retail store. my first night there, i cleaned the mes's room first. afterwards, i remember thinking it wasn't that bad.

...and then i went into the women's room. OH MY GOD

I sometimes I think about becoming a plumber for no other reason than a nice bathroom is really appreciated. Every now and then I'll work somewhere that just has the most perfect bathroom. Sound deadening walls. Clean toilets. Proper dividers. You could almost take a nap in some of these places if you didn't really have to pee.

Kenny_McCormic wrote: The urinal equations hadn't yet been developed yet, so they just kinda winged it back then. http://blog.xkcd.com/2009/09/02/urinal-protocol-vulnerability/

All I have to say is, I don't think there is ANY situation that XKCD has not covered and in such sufficient detail that I always get a little disturbed that he spent THAT much time thinking about it.

That being said. XKCD rocks!

PHeller wrote: I sometimes I think about becoming a plumber for no other reason than a nice bathroom is really appreciated. Every now and then I'll work somewhere that just has the most perfect bathroom. Sound deadening walls. Clean toilets. Proper dividers. You could almost take a nap in some of these places if you didn't really have to pee.

I LOVE the floor-to ceiling, sound insulated stalls in most European airports I've been to.

Sky_Render wrote: My first job involved cleaning the restrooms at a retail store. my first night there, i cleaned the mes's room first. afterwards, i remember thinking it wasn't that bad. ...and then i went into the women's room. OH MY GOD

I've had several jobs where my duties included cleaning bathrooms.......women's rooms are ALWAYS nastier than Men's rooms. Not sure why.....but it's been proven time and time again.

and yes, Poopy.....some of our friends to the South didn't grow up with proper plumbing, so they throw away their used tissues. I found this out quickly while working in a factory. I HAD to clean the "ladies" room 3-4 times a day to make sure the trash cans weren't overflowing. I learned this very quickly.

mad_machine wrote: And a question I have always wondered about. Why do some guys seriously fart when peeing? I have never let one rip when at the urinal, yet it seems everytime I am standing at one, there is somebody out to peel the wallpaper while taking a leak. I just do not understand it, are they really putting that much pressure behind it?

Guilty...dunno why, but sometimes when taking a piss I gotta fart and it's harder to hold in when whizzing. This is one of the reasons I prefer to use the stalls, to create a courtesy buffer zone. The other is this saying by an anonymous wise man:

"The last time you use a urinal is the first time you do it while wearing shorts"

Don't get it? Try it and learn...

Yeah, urinals are just disgusting in general.

Best urinal ever? Third tree on the left.

davidjs wrote:

EastCoastMojo wrote: Fortunately I can say that while the ladie's bathrooms aren't always "tidy", we don't have to worry 'bout no beans and franks in there. Gals still don't always hit the target though, something I still can't quite wrap my head around. You're sitting right ON the motherberkleyer, WTH?

Having worked the front end at a store (Target in an upscale suburb), I will never, ever again take a job that may possibly entail me cleaning a women's bathroom. The men's room may be dirty at times, or someone "came in hot" and missed a bit, but the sheer number of times that "something or other" would be smeared on the walls, floor, handles, or sink of the women's room was just astounding.

lol funny that a few of you mention this... one of my early jobs was in the warehouse of an electronics big box store (Campo's... think of it like circuit city or best buy)... if I worked the closing shift I got bathroom duty... we had 15 or so people working there, 3 of them females... the womens bathroom was guaranteed to make you cringe every single time I had to clean it

GameboyRMH wrote: Guilty...dunno why, but sometimes when taking a piss I gotta fart and it's harder to hold in when whizzing. This is one of the reasons I prefer to use the stalls, to create a courtesy buffer zone. The other is this saying by an anonymous wise man: "The last time you use a urinal is the first time you do it while wearing shorts" Don't get it? Try it and learn...

You need to take one of these for a test drive, I've learned to remember their locations and seek them out. I figure for something I do as often as taking a piss, I might as well do it right.

Also, the best urinal of all time is in the Henry Ford museum, in the hallway with the silver display IIRC.

GameboyRMH wrote: "The last time you use a urinal is the first time you do it while wearing shorts" Don't get it? Try it and learn...

This is why some hookers have a rule that they ain't touching you until you take a shower.

...so I hear.

I friggin' HATE these things:

Enyar wrote: Hmmmm I have another question. Pretend the office restroom is nothing like the previously mentioned restrooms and is surprisingly clean. Is it ok to brush your teeth in there? I have a backup toothbrush and tooth paste in my desk and on certain occasions, like a dawn patrol surf session before coming in the office or extreme onions during lunch... I'll brush my teeth in there. Is that weird? I've never been caught in the act and I'll go back later if someone is in there.

Yes.

SilverFleet wrote: -Guy comes in, proceeds to the urinal, starts talking to himself in another language (praying maybe?) rips a cheek splitter, finishes up, and then goes to the sink. There, he will drink and slosh around the sink water in his mouth, mumble something, and spit it all over the place. Drink, slosh, repeat, about 5-6 times. The aftermath is a stinky bathroom that looks like the side of the SeaWorld pool after the Shamu water show. I know this sounds insensitive, and I don't care who or what you pray to (I'm not judging anyone), but drinking that gross sink water and spitting it everywhere is not cool. It's disgusting, and whatever higher being (s) you worship would probably slap you if they were paying attention.

In my line of work there is a foreign element. I've seen these guys snort water up their nose, then blow it out, all over the sink. ARGH! I have not seen Americans or Americanized workers do this.

Kenny_McCormic wrote: My freshman year of college I was in a dorm with public bathrooms. One day I'm minding my own business at 11pm or so on a friday, taking a shower (stall showers), and I hear a pack of bros come in. These guys are yelling about pubes and dick length and E36 M3. When I get out of the shower I see 4-5 naked, drunk bros standing in a circle, in the middle of what must have been an actual dick measuring contest. Luckily bro rape did not occur and I escaped with only mental wounds.

It was a dick measuring contest. Next is the french kissing contest. Then, Heimlich maneuver contest. You have to do it naked because clothes restrict movement.

foxtrapper wrote: I'm seeing a lot more of guys dropping their pants and drawers completely at the urinals as well. Which when you consider the condition of the floor there, is remarkably gross.

I haven't seen anyone do this since pre-school.

EastCoastMojo wrote: Fortunately I can say that while the ladie's bathrooms aren't always "tidy", we don't have to worry 'bout no beans and franks in there. Gals still don't always hit the target though, something I still can't quite wrap my head around. You're sitting right ON the motherberkleyer, WTH?

Damned hover'ers. Some ladies are inaccurate bombardiers at that height.

Swank Force One wrote: I can go into ANY of them at ANY time of day to drop the kids off at the pool, and I can guarantee that each and every time, one of the other two dudes will walk in 45 seconds behind me, run into the other stall, fall down onto the throne, and immediately be raped, beaten, and then ripped in half by a scary satanic demon.

"Hey dude."

"What?"

"He just left. I'm calling men's room #5."

"I'm on it."

"Cool. I'm busy so I can't monitor him right now. Thanks for taking this one."

"It's ok. I had curry last night."

"Again?"

"I bet he gets cancer from the smell alone."

"Right on dude."

Wally wrote: The one that astounds me are the people who leave one outside the bowl. There seems to be a surprisingly large segment of the population that feels dropping a steaming pile in the vicinity of the toilet is good enough.

Only in NYC Wally.

WHY HAS IT TAKEN ME 3 DAYS TO READ THIS THREAD FULL OF COMEDY?!

this thread makes me LOL.

I remember the first time I flew to London. It was a long flight and I hadn't pissed on the plane, even though I had a couple of beers etc, so once off the plane I really had to go. Urinals with no dividers, so I hit a stall and there is this massive football shaped turd, I mean I was looking for blood cause someone had a butt baby.....anyway I had to go bad, so I cranked the stream up to high and tried to break it up....that did not work. I tried to flush and it just bounced around the bowl...the whole experience made me nauseous and when I left the restroom I muttered to myself "Welcome to London" lol

A few thoughts:

My first job was at a video/music/book store. I was a cashier who usually worked the closing shift. On night while checking the men's bathroom, I find a damn Picasso of human feces on the stall wall. Really? You took the time to smear your own (hopefully your own ) dookie the wall (there was a lot)? I hope you never procreate!

Also, I know some of you have been or are currently in the military. Military and horrific latrines go hand in hand. At my first assignment, I worked in the headquarters of a major command (think "Strategic"). My shop was just around the corner from the latrine. Now keep in mind that this building was full of military brass. Everything from 4-stars on down. One day, after lunch, I go to take care of business. Every stall is full except the penthouse (handicapped stall). I go in and sit down. My gaze moves to the far corner of the stall, where to my amazement, sits a used adult diaper. It looked like an XXL that had fallen into a swimming pool. I then realized that no matter rank or status, some people are filthy primates. Ugh

Cotton wrote: I remember the first time I flew to London. It was a long flight and I hadn't pissed on the plane, even though I had a couple of beers etc, so once off the plane I really had to go. Urinals with no dividers, so I hit a stall and there is this massive football shaped turd, I mean I was looking for blood cause someone had a butt baby.....anyway I had to go bad, so I cranked the stream up to high and tried to break it up....that did not work. I tried to flush and it just bounced around the bowl...the whole experience made me nauseous and when I left the restroom I muttered to myself "Welcome to London" lol

Reminds me of a truckstop near Sacramento I was at once. Went into the bathroom and in one of the toilets was a turd the general size and shape of an average adult man's forearm. Seriously, like 3"+ in diameter and 18" long. There was no paper in the toilet either, leading myself (and a friend who saw it later) to believe that whoever left it there was so impressed that he switched to another stall for the cleanup so that the monstrosity could remain on display.

My pet peeve is work poopers. Not the emergency kind. Everybody has eaten bad Mexican food once or twice in their lifetime. I mean the on the clock, every day at the same time, heading to the stalls with a magazine work poopers. We have a few. If you are that regular, adjust your schedule and peel the wallpaper at home. The same group appears unfamiliar with the concept of the courtesy flush.

Max_Archer wrote: Seriously, like 3"+ in diameter and 18" long. There was no paper in the toilet either, leading myself (and a friend who saw it later) to believe that whoever left it there was so impressed that he switched to another stall for the cleanup so that the monstrosity could remain on display.

slightly OT:

a buddy of mine had a roommate. that roommate had a girlfriend who my buddy couldn't stand. they shared a 2br/2ba apartment. roommate would go to work before his GF. my buddy was the last one out the door, so he started leaving deuces in the roommate's E36 M3ter. this didn't seem to bother the roommate too much, so my buddy took it to another level. after he wiped, he'd take the used TP back to his own E36 M3ter to flush. when the roommate thought his GF was not only leaving deuces in the bowl but also not wiping her ass, he broke up with her.

my buddy was very happy after that.

How about the flushless urinals? WHATTHEHECK!!!! They ALWAYS stink. It's just nasty.

In reply to Max_Archer:

On a school trip at a hotel I once had one of those forearm sized E36 M3s, ghost E36 M3 too, so I used virtually no paper. Then I go to flush and the chain broke for the flush mech, no way I'm reaching into a hotel toilet tank to get this sucker down. So I left it there, luckily the guy I was bunking with was a cool dude and it was our last night there anyhow.

I take a pen and write " free cowboy hats" on the ass gasket dispenser.

One of the stores by us someone peeled the letter C off the Baby Changing Station. Someone on the stores staff must be very afraid that the missing C will cause them a legal problem because every time I go in there it has been rewritten.

Curmudgeon wrote: I friggin' HATE these things:

Wrigley Field...........these are famous. Nothing like gallons of urine flowing past you.......