Coined phrases

Have you ever come up with your own phrase that, to your knowledge, is original? Two that I came up with recently:

Idiots should know when to quit; however, since they are idiots, they don't know when to quit. (This is about a couple people at my office.)

and

In the age of the internet, never before have so many known so little about so much.

• The need to replace a part while something is disassembled is directly related to the difficulty in replacing that part.

• The chance of failure in any system is directly related to the number of components in that system capable of failure.

• As with most thing, the solution lies somewhere in the middle.

• Given the option, I will always go with funny.

• The Stuff Axiom: The amount of stuff you have is directly related to the space you have to store that stuff.

• Most problems can be solved with a well built catapult.

I have variations...There's the wall street version of the churchill saying - in the history of mankind, never have so few screwed so many for so much

Nietzsche... That which doesn't kill me....missed.

Old proverb... Build a man a fire and he'll be warm all day. Set man on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life.

Got a guy at work who is an expert in everything, or so he thinks. Know's everything about the stock market, every car ever made (including those very rare V-4 RX-7's, no not a joke), the Catholic religion, insurance, computers, food allergies... He tried to tell me miata's were unreliable, or that my car (SAAB) was actually made in Germany. Right. Thats why he's 30, working as a caddy/drug dealer who never finished college (2-3 classes away) because his instructors were idiots and he wasn't learning anything--although after hearing him talk about music and music theory, I'll believe that he wasn't learning anything--but why wouldn't he finish the classes?

But anywho, I've penned the phrase about this guy: "I've never met a man who knew so little about so much".

Bring up any subject with the guy. He'll know more about it than you. If any of its true, well, thats a crapshoot. Its funny, because he's probably one of the better musicians I've ever met, and aside from that, probably knows more about music than almost anyone I've ever met. But he won't stop at the music, and actually, needs to stop at just jazz.

Those who demand the most tolerance are themselves the least tolerant.

This one a friend of mine told me, I had never heard it before.

"If it doesn't fit, force it. If it breaks, it needs to be replaced anyway."

Kia_racer wrote: This one a friend of mine told me, I had never heard it before. "If it doesn't fit, force it. If it breaks, it needs to be replaced anyway."

Reminds me of my uncles words on driving a stickshift:

"Remember these two things: If you can't find it, grind it; and When in doubt, just use force."

"How's your hammer hang'n?"

I came up with that one years ago.

I once had a boss who in a fit of anger said, "You've made your bed, now it's time to wake up and smell the coffee!"

I thought it was the greatest combination of three cliches I'd ever heard. I've spent a lot of time over the pastdecade trying to mash a few cliches together innappropriately while maybe being able to still convey some type of meaning, but yet absolutely convulting each of them so that the whole thing is utterly hilarious, but I haven't been able to top this one.

(You've made your bed, now you have to lie in it, sto and smell the roses, wake up and smell the coffee.)

^ That is one of my FILs favorites.

I thought I'd invented the phrase berkeley knuckle, but I heard it on TV the other day. I've been saying it for years as a derogatory way to refer to an idiot.

Another one was right after I woke up at my parent's one summer. I mumbled to my dad that "I'm not firing on all gears". He started cracking up. It took me a few moments to realize what I said and why he was laughing.

One of my favourite epithets: berkeley on a stick. Never heard anyone else use that.
I shortened it to "foast" when I used to drive a school bus and occasionally had to curse at traffic with kiddies on board. That quickly devolved into a general purpose swear: "the foasting toaster just exploded!", etc. I don't use it so much anymore.

People are dumb.

"The world is full of morons. I hold myself as no exception."

In reference to driving a standard transmission, "When I doubt, light 'em up" or "When in doubt, roast 'em."

"Tighten it until it strips, then back it off a quarter turn."

I might not have been the first to say them, but the first and third one's I did come up with independently, at least.

Edit...More: "I never learned to drive an Automatic." (this one get's 'em every time)

"I like my women how I like my coffee, hot and on my lap"

"I like my women how I like my coffee, black and bitter!" <- Not me - credit for that goes to my college roommate.

The only one I can lay credit to (that I know of) is "you need the kind of hammer that when you hit something, it stays hit".

In the age of the internet, never before have so many known so little about so much.

Amen, brother.

Jay wrote: One of my favourite epithets: berkeley on a stick. Never heard anyone else use that. I shortened it to "foast" when I used to drive a school bus and occasionally had to curse at traffic with kiddies on board. That quickly devolved into a general purpose swear: "the foasting toaster just exploded!", etc. I don't use it so much anymore.

We have 2 kids under 4, so my daughter thinks "dude" is a really mean name, because that's what my wife says to other drivers who are frustrating her so she doesn't curse.

All you are to me is talking ballast.

Joey

Any given problem can be solved by a hammer of sufficient magnitude.

This leads to me wanting a hammer the size of a bus

Not a saying, but my RC race effort was known as A.S.R.T. (Aw Shi+ Race Team). That's also the umbrella company for the Abomination, the Jensenator and LeMons race efforts.

Wish I had coined this, but one of my favorites (generally said while examining something really FUBARed): 'This is the result of combining brute force with gross ignorance'.

Next time try hittin' it with your purse.

when talking to a pipefitter friend while heating and shaping/pounding a piece of 1/4" steel with a 3 lb hammer.

Beat it to fit, paint it to match. Think I got it from one of my Army mechanic buddies. They where using an extremely large sledge hammer to smack something into place.

"Your parents should have shot you years ago and raised geese instead"

---My old boss. A funny, great guy who died in his late 70s while pulling a part off a car in a junkyard. Keeled over with a massive heart attack---dead before he hit the ground. You could do worse.

Only one I uttered that ever stuck was at the track. SCCA club race, early 1990s, after a guy missed a shift:

"Just keep moving the lever, there's gotta be one left in there somewhere.."