So ladies and gentlemen I'm here to practice my comedy of course if you don't mind
Alright so I asked my mom if she thought I could be a comedian she said no and I when I get a job this summer I hope I don't get stuck in the Steal Department people in the self checkout will fake the beep sound to try and steal stuff. I'm quite the random person I bounce from topic to topic more than a kid with a sugar rush bouncing on a trampoline.
(I'll add on to this if you guys find it funny)
I am quite the berkeleyed up human being My eyesight is worse than a bats I mean I can't see anything for the life of me, I'm so damn skinny I can only wear skinny jeans I could go on and on listing how bad of a human being I am, there always talking about how they wanna genetically engineer the perfect human being. Well they sure as hell aint comin for me!
In reply to SpeedwayFan :
hey........who removed the f word?? IF I WANNA berkeleyING SWEAR I'LL berkeleyING SWEAR PEOPLE
In reply to SpeedwayFan :
DAMN YOU PROFANITY FILTER
In reply to SpeedwayFan :
I think I'm the first person to rant on their own thread! YAY!!! GIVE ME AN AWARD!!! I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON!!! YAAAAAY!!!
Here's proof that google translate sucks I tried translating my article and I can't stop laughing
Langhorne Highway. A name that would be the same as death itself. So what gives Langhorn Speedway such a bad reputation among drivers? Ladies and gentlemen this is a great story so listen carefully, sit down as I tell you the story of Langorn Speedway.
The Langhorn Speedway was built in 1926 by a group of Philadelphia enthusiasts known as the National Motorcycle Racing Association. This track is constructed as a one-kilometer dirt road; It is unique in that it is almost a perfect home.
The first episode of the song was performed on 12 June 1926 (which was originally scheduled for May 31, but was delayed due to rain). Freddie Vinay set the maturity time of 42.40 seconds.
New world record 1 mile. Freddie then won 50 races. NMRA operated the circuit until 1929, running 100 laps and sometimes short races daily.
Unfortunately, there were difficulties in preparing the course, misunderstandings and controls on the ground came. These problems brought Langhorn to the brink of financial ruin.
Coincidentally, Langhorne was saved in 1930 when the famous promoter Ralph Hankinson played the song. Hankinson completed 100 laps in the AAA Championship and, like the NMRA, continued to make pace with the track, this time using the fast car. In 1940 Langhorne organized one of the first car races in the northeastern United States.
Sadly, Langhorne goes in the dark. When he fell with AAA in 1941, Hankinson sold the music to stuntman Earl Tether. Teter's time in Langhorne was short, he died on July 5, 1942, while performing a rocket show at the Indiana State Fair. That same month, the U.S. government prohibits all races as the United States joins the world. Ralph Hankinson, II. She died during World War II and nothing could have been worse for Jenna Langhorne. This left a huge gap in Langhorn's control. Langhorne did not work until 1946.
At one point, when the music was gone, the care went to John Babcock and his family. In 1946, the race continued in Langorn and returned with 100 laps and a short race. From a 1951 game directed by coaches Irv Freed and Al Gerber.
Langhorn continued to accept dirty competition until 1965, when it was transformed into an oval D shape as it served well in the USC car division.
Langhorn continued to work until 1967, when the producer's gift became very attractive to Al and Irv. In 1967, they announced that they were selling high-tech manufacturers. Langorn went on for another 5 seasons and the last race took place on October 17, 1971.
Shortly after Langhorne closed, the roads were flooded.
Great supermarket. There is no physical remains of the song today.
This is coming at a time when everyone is thinking. What gave Langhorn such a bad reputation among drivers? Truth speaks for themselves 18 cyclists, 5 motorcycles,
3 killed standing at 1 flag in Langhorne. Despite these deaths, Langhorne was the favorite of his supporters, and his arrival as a roadblock was higher than in later years.
Crickets, kid! I hear nothing but crickets!
Here, lemme help you out:
In reply to 1988RedT2 :
That link doesn't work
You know what I give up! Comedy isn't for me
well I'll give it one more shot!
I've never been to switzerland but I hear the flags a big plus!
In reply to SpeedwayFan :
That one actually cracked me up, haha
Funny people dont steal jokes.
In reply to hybridmomentspass :
Your mom doesn't steal jokes. BUT you know who does??? ME!!!!!! I'M A JOKE STEALER LOCK ME UP TAKE ME TO JAIL I STEAL JOKES!
hybridmomentspass said:Funny people dont steal jokes.
Or they at least pay for them afterwards! (RIP Robin Williams)
COME ON NOTHING PEOPLE? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOU GUYS berkeleyING LAUGH!
Well i have to go soon schools almost over
well see you guys in like a week or more I'll have to login on my computer but im gonna be on vacay after exams
When we were walking through the French Quarter a few years ago & one of the locals hollered "I bet I can guess where you got those shoes" he wasn't too pleased when I replied with "Yeah, your Mama".
Then again, neither was my family. They were pretty sure we were going to get jumped.
SpeedwayFan said:In reply to hybridmomentspass :
Your mom doesn't steal jokes. BUT you know who does??? ME!!!!!! I'M A JOKE STEALER LOCK ME UP TAKE ME TO JAIL I STEAL JOKES!
Sort of hard to steal when you arent alive.
Good jokes are good, but a LOT of comedy is delivery.
Heck, you can tell pretty mediocre jokes, and if you deliver them right, many people will love them.
Look at Kevin Hart, he's made millions! 
Is this why you came to a car forum? Got it, off topic; throttle back and see what people have to say.
Jeff Dunham has proven that you can be incredibly not funny and make a fortune at it.
Pete Gossett (Forum Supporter) said:When we were walking through the French Quarter a few years ago & one of the locals hollered "I bet I can guess where you got those shoes" he wasn't too pleased when I replied with "Yeah, your Mama".
Then again, neither was my family. They were pretty sure we were going to get jumped.
I've heard the punch line...You got them on your feet! Funny that you denied him the payoff.
I remember a series of jokes from either my dementia, or my childhood. Mary Jane jokes. Like Little Johnny jokes, they all followed the same basic format. I'll relay below the only one I remember.
Mary Jane had to babysit the Miller's baby. As she was out walking him, Mary Jane stooped at the top of a huge hill to smell some roses. While her back was turned, the stroller started rolling down the hill. Mary Jane laughed and laughed because she knew there was a stop sign at the bottom of the hill.
Re jokes, the Basics are in there, so play with word choices, mix up the order of the phrases, etc, to really make it yours. Take a single concept and work it to death. Write it down. Don't throw it away. Example: you say you're skinny. There's a lot of ways to work that. And if there's a fork in the road, see where it leads.
i'm so skinny, you know what I call skinny jeans? Jeans.
my feet aren't actually this big. The shoes are ballast.
I was thinking about getting some electric shoes, you know, to keep me grounded.
etc
So skinny, all he can wear is a hat.
There isn't enough subtlety in comedy these days.
Don't try too hard. Don't go with wacky or zany. That doesn't seem to be you.
Your previous stuff was funny because it was unexpected and sincere. Stick with that.
Make comments as yourself. Observe what people laugh at. Make notes on what works and what doesn't. If you think something is funny but it doesn't quite land, play around with it and refine the delivery.
It's usually more valuable to figure out what is unnecessary and trim it out rather than adding on more.
ShawnG said:Jeff Dunham has proven that you can be incredibly not funny and make a fortune at it.
I was gonna say the same about Dane cook.
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