Curtis... you just found out your wife is gay.... where are you gonna go?

So, long story short (I'll expand on it later) it looks like Mrs Curtis73 is officially done with me. She told me that she's not bisexual, but rather she just discovered (after 30 years in theater and in support of LGBTQ rights) that she is gay. On top of that, she loves a new girl (same abused girl that we both dated before) more than she loves me. Not only did I get dumped by my wife of 20 years, but also get dumped by my girlfriend/third, my wife crossed the fence and they both want me to just evaporate. Its actually not as malicious as it sounds, just capricious and disrespectful.

20 years of me feeling like a complete ass.

In all honesty, ladies and gents, I gave too much to her and she took it all. It wasn't malicious, but it was stealthy. We neither one admitted it was happening until last week. I had to voluntarily check into the psych ward for four days because of uncontrollable thoughts of suicide. I had it planned out in three ways

Sad thing is - she has fallen out of love with me, but still loves me. There is an incredible friendship. 10 years ago, I could have said - I'll take the guest room and we'll have races to see who can get 10 vaginas first. We had confidence in our love at that point. But Mrs Curtis73 slowly and painlessly whittled away my heart over a 20 year period until I was a blissful puddle of submission. Now she finds this gal and she wants out.

I'm dealing with it, but I am an empty shell. I'm currently at my parents' house. They are so wonderful, but they admit that they're basically the Beaver Cleaver house and can't offer much experience or comfort.

SOOOOOO

I'm looking for some destinations. The next 90 days will be pretty trying - moving things, cars, parts, tools, paperwork, etc. But once I get all my stuff out of the house she plans on keeping it. That might mean a bit of Alimony and some equity from the house. But I don't know how it actually works.

So.. help me with some destinations - not necessarily permanent ones, but something that would be killer in an RV. Some places you stay 3 days, some you stay 9 years. I've lived nomadically in an RV and I loved it. Slight downside - Kim was always with me before. Living is cheap, driving is expensive.

Looking for:
Fresh young earthy vibe.
Accepting LGBT scene (usually an indicator of the social timbre of an area) High hippie quotient
High party quotient - both of the kegger/bonfire style and the Jacket/H'ors Doeuvres style
Access to marvelous seafood (location doesn't have to be coastal)
Moderate climate. I hate winters
Tasteful mix of high class with some good-ol-boys

I lived in New Orleans. Found all of those except the hippie part. Plenty of open-mined folks, but it was because they were drunken, half-naked catholics. Downside is that RV + Hurricane can be a mismatch.

Lived in L.A.. Truly great town that I can't afford.

Miami. too, um.... uh... its too:

Kalispell MT. Great town. Its a little small and fails on the h'ors doeuvres and winter.

I'm told I would love Portland.

Suggest some places for this soon-to-be single and sexy guy to take an RV and a motorcycle to start a new life?

damn Curtis.. this is one of those "I don't know what to say" moments...

I can only wish you luck.. and lawyer up so you do not get screwed again.

As crazy as it sounds, I know a guy who just went through exactly the same thing, including the wife of 20 years, girlfriend/third, counseling and even the RV. Seriously.

I don't have much to offer in the way of wisdom other than to say that he seems to have gotten through it, although he was in a pretty crappy mood for about a year. You'll get there.

Portland really is everything you're looking for so if you can stand the rain and a lot of it, that could be the place for you. I don't personally live there anymore, it was a bit too "big city" for me (read: drug problems, overcrowding, overzealous police force), but there are certainly times when I miss it, the food, the beer, the weekly car meets.

Dang man, seemed like you two had it made. Didn't you just move to Pittsburgh?

I think you'd like Ashville, Chattanooga, Santa Fe, St. George, Carson City or Lake Tahoe.

E36 M3 man, glad you got help would have hated to hear you left us over some Bob Costas.

Come on up to Portland, you would love it here. Seattle too.

Then head to Bend and then the coast for a bit and relax with the pounding waves.

Of course, San Francisco could work too, but it is insanely expensive.

Hang in there and don't hesitate to hit the forum and vent, bitch or ask questions.

Damn dude, sorry to hear that. I hope it all works out for you.

As far as places to go, Asheville is probably the most liberal place you'll find in this part of the country. Charleston or Atlanta would probably be next on the list.

PHeller wrote: Dang man, seemed like you two had it made. Didn't you just move to Pittsburgh? I think you'd like Ashville, Chattanooga, Santa Fe, St. George, Carson City or Lake Tahoe.

nice roads in TN.....

A good friend of mine went through something similar 15 years ago. He's now married to a very cute philipino woman and an underwater treasure hunter. Keep your head up and enjoy life for a bit.

Come to central MO, start a business and hire Clem, psteav, and, me.

Also, sorry man. That is some funky E36 M3. My friends wife of 10 years did this last year. Crazy world.

Damn Curtis, I.....I got nothin. That's really messed up, but I feel for you.

Good luck to whatever you decide.

Savannah, GA? Seemed like a fairly progressive town - especially for the South - when we were down there a few years ago. And oddly enough, I know a few LGBT down there.

There are times when I've wondered if my ex-g/f is gay... but if so she's so deep in the closet she sees Narnia...

Agreed...I got nothing either except that I wish you the best.

Other than Asheville, or maybe Memphis...Key West or Provincetown comes to mind. You can snowbird it.

Sorry to hear it.

What about back to Austin? Checks all the boxes and you can get back in touch with friends

-Rob

Sorry to hear about everything, but I will say Austin too. Great town and checks every single box there man. Keep your head up brother. You have a big living family here who you can always call on if and when you need help

My lifestyle is pretty staid by comparison (make it to a punk show every couple of months or so and then fall asleep at eleven), but I do like Portland, and I think it's a great place for many people of all shapes/sizes/colors/creeds/proclivities/etc... I feel like it strikes a phenomenal balance between the ease of a little place and the variety of a bigger place.

If you're wandering in an RV, I'd make a stop in Colorado. I was only in Durango and Purgatory for a couple of weeks, but it's a deeply beautiful place.

turboswede's right about S.F.; it's expensive. It does have a grandeur we don't have up here. Might be it's a nice-place-to-visit kind of place. I was a kid there, haven't tried to live there under my own steam.

I'm sorry you've got such a rough situation to get through. I hope you have some amazing travels and find a place that suits you.

EDIT: Austin; I haven't been, but a bunch of friends from Eugene moved there, and settled quite happily. Like Portland with more heat and less rain, I guess (though I suspect there's a Texan element left out of that description). If you make it to this general part of the world, you might visit Eugene. Very much a college town. I stayed too long, but it's a nice place.

I say with without even the slightest hint of malice but genuine gratitude.

I have had a world class E36 M3ty week, and yesterday was an absolute bear. I was one poorly timed remark from a full up Hulk Smash episode.

First, don't come here. The middle east probably won't jive with your go with the flow style. But Dubai is a place to been seen once you are feeling more grounded and Abu Dhabi is cooler than I thought it would be.

But speaking of area that probably won't jive with your views, but should you be transiting I-40 72 days from now near Oklahoma City, I will happily buy you a beer and some damm fine BBQ.

Your experiences but more importantly your attitude have certainly reset my perspective and snapped me out of a personal pity party.

Even a Honda will break down eventually. We all experience down time, you will be fine.

I have a buddy in KC. He is wired in with the GLBT community there. It is surprising big and filled with successful executive types who enjoy cutting loose at various festivals the city has at every holiday. I have never not had a blast there. Its also a good midpiont and their BBQ is almost as good as OKC. It fails on the seafood and hating winters front, but if you catch the right season the weather is mild, and it will certainly tag the "high class/good old boys" requirement.

Wow.

Best of luck my friend.

Pacific North West man!

Same-sex marriage is legal now in Washington state (that checks the LGBT box), lots of mountain roads (that checks the motorcycle box), and if you hate it there is the "Pacific coast highway" to cruise down to California on (so that checks the RV box).

Either way man, sorry to hear about the split. When I was in India they used to say "Everything works out well in the end. If it looks like it's not working out, it's because it's not the end."

Madison is a good town, but especially so in the summer, which is ending. Austin certainly has it's good points and A ton of people adore it. I've never been there long enough to think anything other than "berkeley, it's crowded".
Houston has a surprisigly large and diverse LGBT culture. It's probably a little harder to find your place in Houston with it's sheer geographical size, but there's something for everyone. On top of that, Houston is booming as far as employment goes, if you're into the whole work thing, and it's very low cost living.
Keep your chin up, there's a whole lot of wonder and beauty in the world for you.

mad_machine wrote: damn Curtis.. this is one of those "I don't know what to say" moments... I can only wish you luck.. and lawyer up so you do not get screwed again.

This, and I feel for you man

Curtis, you might not realize this yet, but you've already made the turnaround and are pointing yourself down the path to a better future. It's a path comprised of baby-steps, some more painful than the others, but do your best to put one foot in front of the other every day. One day you will be able to look back and recognize how far you've made it.

Mental wrote: I say with without even the slightest hint of malice but genuine gratitude. I have a buddy in KC. He is wired in with the GLBT community there. It is surprising big and filled with successful executive types who enjoy cutting loose at various festivals the city has at every holiday. I have never not had a blast there. Its also a good midpiont and their BBQ is almost as good as OKC. It fails on the seafood and hating winters front, but if you catch the right season the weather is mild, and it will certainly tag the "high class/good old boys" requirement.

I've lived most of my life in the Kansas City area. As a kid, I lived in the burbs. As an adult I've always lived in the city, in a couple of the historic neighborhoods.

KC has a diverse and large LGBT community. It not only has one of the larger Pride festivals in the country, but it also has some offshoot ones for various ethnic groups as well. I work with a couple dozen engineers, 2 of whom are out at work.

Our arts scene is vibrant and has been growing massively in the last 15 years. If you rank cities by the number of creative professionals, KC is usually somewhere around 4, 5, or 6. Architecture is big business here. Companies like Garmin and Hallmark employ scores of graphic & product designers.

Finally, it's a very entrepreneurial place. Lots of people here are going there own way career wise. It's the kind of place where a cabinet maker can start making beer and end up with the largest American owned brewery in Missouri. That whole go your own way ethos is well represented here.

One caveat I'll put on everything I said is that most of the cool stuff in KC is in the city itself, and within the west half of town. Once you get to the burbs or KC KS, things start changing. The first ring burbs are still reasonably open minded, but that drops off quickly.

Also, I hate winter. I don't adore winter here. Our winters are all over the place. Last year was mild, then it snowed in May. The year before was nasty, though Spring came on quick.

I'm sorry to hear that man. I'm glad you are aware enough to do what's needed to survive. No good destination suggestions unfortunately. Gainesville is open minded with portions of everything you want but it is little and kind of an island of open mindedness in the middle of country.

Kudos to you for opening up and reaching out. Eventually this will turn into an exciting opportunity. Time to heal.