I found most of the above pretty comical, especially the "perfect kids" syndrome. No child behaves perfectly, perfectly all the time. If they do, it's probably because they're scared to death of the consequences... it's not because they understand what's going on or why they're behavior is unacceptable. Sure, as they get older, explanations go hand and hand with the consequences. They are not "little" adults, and taking the time to explain why they shouldn't do something is a waste of time, especially for the really young ones. As they get older, that gets easier.
How you behave is a good indicator of how your children will behave. If you're loud, brash, sarcastic, and bs a lot... guess what, you're children will mimic you. Don't be surprised when your kids won't listen. If you're calm, concise, and temperate in your behavior... you're kids will follow.
I have 3 kids who are generally pretty active and they express themselves in a variety of ways. My oldest(he's 9) used to give the death howl when we went grocery shopping. After the first time, we decided that 1) one of us stayed at home with him while the other shopped or 2) both of us went to the store and one would take the death screaming child outside. I guess I could have explained to him why he shouldn't do the screaming and then spanked him on the butt. But, at 6 months, kind of foolish.
As far as one of my children acting up in public... depends on the situation. Had one of my kids decided to lick a window(they've done "things" before, if not exactly this) I would have asked an employee for paper towels and some windex and had said child clean up the mess. They all now know that they are responsible for their actions, at home and in public places, i.e. you make a mess or take something out, you clean or put away the items. On another note, it is essential that you show the child how to wipe and clean and how to properly take care of items. Standing there and yelling at them to "clean it up or else" is pretty ignorant, and you're just blowing off steam and generally making a bigger ass of yourself than any "damage" your child did.
We try to keep our kids occupied. When they get bored, they try to relieve said boredom. We bring coloring books, word puzzles, etc... where ever we go. We even have ipod shuffles for them. None of these "distractions" last for long, so we bring a variety of items.
At a family restaurant, the kids don't "act up", but they do tend to giggle a lot. If you don't like the sound of children, at a family restaurant, go the heck to Hooters. My kids are not loud, but they like to talk, chatter and giggle about their day or other things. When they were even younger, if they were too loud, and being that they're too young to respond to some long winded explanation about why they shouldn't behave that way, they were removed from the premises until they calmed down. We don't take the kids, even now, to places where only adults congregate. And the only movies they go to are kids' movies, where all the kids have a chance to enjoy the movie on their terms, i.e. laugh out loud, semi-constant giggling, sitting in the very front row... but never allowed to run all over the place.
I don't "hit" my kids, but in public, they get the "tap". It's typically with 1 or 2 fingers laid on any reachable body part. They've learned that it just means "stay focused" we're in public and don't behave this way. Do they get spanked, yes. With a quick explanation and never while I'm angry, but obviously not waiting till an hour later.
Being consistent is definitely key. I keep in mind that something that worked when they were 4, doesn't work now. Are my kids "perfect"? No, and neither am I. I try to allow my kids to test their boundaries, and stay within mine. It can be a challenge, but my kids are growing and so am I.
If you don't have kids, using yourself(as you remember from being one), friends kids, siblings kids, tv shows, etc.... doesn't count. But, you won't know that until you get from there to here.
Mark
1st day back after 10 off: 247 new emails in the inbox, a desk that was mucked with by practical jokers, getting up at 6am after sleeping in until whenever for the past week, and being broke from a trip to pigeon forge all added up to mega-attitude this morning. 
