Depression

I watched my brother bury his wife this weekend. 46 years old, two kids aged 5 and 15, and she did not think she had anything to live for, or anything to offer, so she took her own life.

I'm a black-and-white kind of person, and honestly, I always thought she was a bitch. I let her cut herself off from my family, taking my brother and nieces with her, and while it hurt, I figured in the end it was probably good riddance.

I learned, this weekend, when it was far too late, that she had been a tortured soul in every sense of that hackneyed phrase. She tried a very, very long time to be happy--that most threatening of all injunctions to the truly unhappy. She got tired of failing. She got tired, period. I wish her peace with all my heart. I think she's due.

If you have someone in your life that you know is struggling, take a second look. Ask them how they're doing; stop and listen for the answer. Understand that we're not all biking against the same head wind, no matter how obvious it is to you what load people are and should be carrying. And I dunno, keep your eyes and your heart open. I wish I had.

Margie

I'm so sorry, Margie. What you say is true...we need to reach out the people around us and make sure they know that we care about them and how they feel.

Oh, and PM sent....

I am very sorry for your brother's loss. They are in my thoughts.

First, my condolences on your loss. Second, you're insights are very astute, having lived my life on both sides of the fence I have seen and experienced much of what you say.

To many people I come off as a right shiny happy person, I'm ok with that, I went through the struggles earlier in my life and came very close to reaching a similar conclusion as your sister in law, some timely intervention means Im here today to annoy you all. But I've also had to change my attitude to keep going, I have little tolerance for anything which takes me to a negative state so if folks dont understand my history it just comes across as Im an ass, but hey, Im still an alive ass so Im ok with it ;)

Our family is hurting for the Suddards right now, Margie. I can't begin to imagine how you explain this to a child. We love you guys. Let us know if we can help.

Mike

Hugs Margie, you're in my thoughts.

Words fail. Wishing you peace and calm, even if it takes a while to get there. Don't beat yourself up over what you "woulda-coulda-shoulda". My own experience causes me to think that once someone is in enough pain to end themself, there's not much you can do to talk them out of it.

Also, much of the time, they actually have convinced themselves that their loved ones would actually be "better off" after they're gone. Perhaps it's just my opinion..but from what I've been through, anyone who publicly claims they want to die is actually someone who wants to live, but isn't getting the help they need in difficult situations. Someone who really wants to die will not tell you, will not ask for help, and will not risk any sort of behavior that will express their desire in public.

I've had four friends commit suicide. I miss them, but I have no idea how I could have stopped them. I've certainly felt the guilt..the first friend (self inflicted gunshot) actually hung the suit in which he wanted to be buried on a door inside his house. He knew we'd find it. Suddenly, I realized I hadn't been over at his place in months. That was painful. Twenty years ago, and it still burns.

I wish you peace & calm, with every fiber of my being.

Having seen what loosing my father did to my family when I was 12 and my brother 14, my thoughts are sincerely with your family Marjorie.

Depression can be a constant battle, like trying to fix a roof caving in on you. There is hope, but getting through and over it is never straightforward. The best lessons which I have learned are to never concentrate on the negative and to always look to the future and the possibilities that it holds. Never underestimate the breadth that those possibilities span. No matter what happens, you will always find a way to smile and laugh again.

Margie

My sincerest condolences to you and your family. Depression doesn't fight fair. How can a woman with a five year old feel they don't have anything to live for?

Margie, sorry for your brother's loss and your feelings of guilt and helplessness. While a kind word kind word and a gentle touch may momentarily ease some pain; it's a tea cup of water at the wild fire that is depression.

My condolences.....

In reply to Marjorie Suddard:

Very sorry to hear that, and well said.

:(

Yes, words fail me too. Especially when it comes to dealing with those two young kids.
All I can say is that I'm very sorry to hear this.

My extended family has been through some hard feelings recently. I've kept my distance from some of my relatives as a result. But some of the "difficult" members of our family may also be dealing with unseen issues. Your comments remind me that I have to go back and try a little harder to understand some of the family members I've avoided.

Sorry for your loss, rest easy for you will meet again walking the streets of glory.

My deepest sadness.

I tried to read your post to my wife this morning. I couldn't. The tears flowed too freely.

Thank you for sharing. Your insights are very timely.

We are preparing for a wedding in our family, and receiving guests from all over the country over the next few days. We had just been discussing how some of them are a big PITA, and how it is easier to not see them most of the time.

You helped us reframe our thinking and priorities. Thank you for the reminder.

Sincerest condolences and blessings. We love you guys.

To all the Suddards, my sincere condolences. Depression is an odd condition, and as someone smart said above, it doesn't fight fair. It's also one of those diseases where the medications are only marginally better than the disease itself. The only real way to beat it is power through it, and of course the will to do so is exactly what depression attacks.

My thoughts are with your family.

So sorry to hear of this. Two of my friends (from the same family, no less) did the same thing and years later it still hurts.

In reply to Duke:

Not to change the subject, but depression can be caused by a lot of things, some of which are treatable, but not curable, meaning you can't "power through it".

That's horrible. There is nothing I can say to account for that kind of loss. My condolences to the family.

A friend of mine took his own life years back. He left a wife and 13-year old boy to pick up the pieces. It devastated all involved. The thing is, I had NO idea. Sure, he would get a bit down in the dumps here and there, but who doesn't. He kept all his problems inside.
One day, while washing windows he decided to jump from the platform. It appeared to be a knee-jerk decision. His work boots still sit on the front porch....

A buddy took his life when his wife took their 3 kids and split. Part of me is sad hes gone, part of me is angry that he was a selfish prick who failed to make his kids upbringing more important than his feelings. It was odd - I spoke with him maybe 2 weeks before, after the separation had already happened. We had made plans to play golf a few weeks after the day that he took his life. No one that knew him had any clue.

Im sorry for your loss Margie. I truly am. I dont think theres any way you could have known what was on the horizon - DO NOT beat yourself up about it. People are gonna do what theyre gonna do - and you cant fix crazy. As often as that phrase is stated with a comic connotation, its only funny because its true. She had close family - she had a support system. You may or may not have been a part of that system, but theres no way to know that any increased involvement you may have had in her life "had you known" her state of mind wouldve made an iota of difference. Its a sad day for your family, no doubt. Dont make it harder on yourself wondering about what couldve been.

This is a tough time of year for us that fight depression. High temps work against many of our meds that help, meaning we're not getting the medicinal help we get the rest of the year. If you don't add a change of view on how your approach life, it's almost impossible to fight it.

I was diagnosed almost 2 years ago initially with SAD (Seasonal Affected Depression) that was later re-diagnosed as full blown depression. I've been on multiple meds to find the one that offers the least amount of side effects. Trust me, sometimes the side effects are worse than the depression itself. It's an ongoing struggle fo any of us that deal with this chemical imbalance.

Marjorie, prayers and kind thoughts to your family at this time of need.

To anyone else that thinks they MIGHT be suffering, seek help. Don't be ashamed. I was ashamed of myself because I thought that I wasn't "handling my business" right. I was wrong. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Depression is a simple chemical imbalance in the brain that affects mood, emotions and thoughts. IT IS TREATABLE and you CAN live a happy, fulfulling life.

Condolences.

Depression sucks. Not only does it ruin the outlook of it's victim, it makes them shiny happy people who alienate their immediate circle of loved ones. I have a close relative who has been struggling with it for most of their life. I cannot say I have always been compassionate or understanding. Unfortunately, it takes an "event" for the people suffering with a person suffering from depression to learn anything about the disease.

I am sorry for your loss.

I really do not know what to say except that I am sorry for your loss.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote: Condolences. Depression sucks. Not only does it ruin the outlook of it's victim, it makes them shiny happy people who alienate their immediate circle of loved ones. I have a close relative who has been struggling with it for most of their life. I cannot say I have always been compassionate or understanding. Unfortunately, it takes an "event" for the people suffering with a person suffering from depression to learn anything about the disease. I am sorry for your loss.

Quoted for truth. It gets to the point where those around the person have to make a terrible choice. Its even uglier cousin 'bipolar' is a horrible thing to witness. BTDT.