Do I have a right to be pissed?

To start off, "gift" holidays always fall when there's not much money to be spent, this Valentine's was no different. I usually say I'll buy something later and forget. I'm a terrible husband.

Anywho, theres a group of security guards at the college who frequent her store at night, and during some small talk she mentioned that she wasn't getting much, shortly thereafter he returns with a single rose.

She tells me this Uuu at 7:30 in the morning, waking me up, so I don't think much of it. Later that day, as I think about it, I get kinda ticked off. How the hell is it okay that some dude buys her a rose? I'm not normally a jealous guy, but I think it bothers me because had the tide been turned, it would have been 20 questions, and WWIII.

Yesterday while cleaning the house, I asked her if we could throw it away. Then the fit hit the shan and there was a small bit of yelling, mostly on her part, and then I was over it. She apparently wasn't done, stewed on it all night and didn't get much sleep.

I'm not asking someone to tell me how to feel, just do I have a legit reason to not like the fact that some guy bought my wife a rose?

/rant off

Yes.

I have only been married for about 25 years to a beautiful wife who fortunately has bad eye sight. She has been hit on many times but luckly for me she is very good at drawing the line.

Personally I don't think your wife should have kept it in the first place as she is opening a door. And as guys we all know once the door is open......that said I think women think that men are just being nice which is proof they don't understand men.

Sorry I typeswwith my thumbs

I don't think you should be mad at your wife, it's completely reasonable to be upset with the dude though. I'd take it as a compliment that someone thinks your wife is hot/awesome enough to do that. I would think she'd throw the rose away after a day (or immediately, most chicks are creeped out by that sort of thing).

Of course, if she really thinks your love is measured by what you get her on a corporate made holiday to keep sucking the money out of individuals, well, then you're in a completely different realm of bad news...

Since women are naturally irrational, I always just point out "would you like it if the exact same thing happened to me?" The answer is always "no". It goes both ways!

I'd be more concerned with the wife than the dude. She opened the door to his behavior when she began talking about not getting anything for Valentine's Day.

HiTempguy wrote: </cite Since women are naturally irrational,

Epic awesomeness!!

Yes. Upset with her for keeping it and upset with him for thinking that it's ok to give somebody else's wife a rose...

Hmmm...back in HS, my GF at the time sprained her ankle during gymnastics. I go to her house the next day and there are a dozen roses and a card saying "I love you"...from some idiot.

I found him two nights later, pulled him out of his car, and he almost met Jesus.

But, that was HS, this is Real Life. Talk with your wife....communicate.

Remember, if you're not giving your wife attention, some other guy is. You only have yourself to be angry with here. I can tell that you don't really pay much attention to her from the way you typed this. You said it yourself, "I'm a terrible husband." How hard would it have been for you to give her a single rose?

It also sounds as if you guys work opposite shifts, which means that you don't spend a lot of waking time together. You're growing apart; fix it if you care about her.

rotard wrote: Remember, if you're not giving your wife attention, some other guy is. You only have yourself to be angry with here. I can tell that you don't really pay much attention to her from the way you typed this. You said it yourself, "I'm a terrible husband." How hard would it have been for you to give her a single rose? It also sounds as if you guys work opposite shifts, which means that you don't spend a lot of waking time together. You're growing apart; fix it if you care about her.

For a bunch of motor-heads, you guys sure speak the truth!!!

You'll be surprised how far a small token of your appreciation will go towards to making a happy marriage.

it's pretty tacky to give another man's woman a red rose. Any other colour is a friendly gesture, but red....-_-

women are pretty irrational and weird sometimes.. one of my friends is in the process of getting a divorce from her abusive drunk husband, and was feeling all alone on valentine's day.. so i bought her what i thought was a nice, innocent valentine's card from the "just friends" section of the special valentines display at Wal Mart and mailed it to her over last weekend.. i wrote something stupid along the lines of "i hope this brightens up your day, Derrick" and then put "PS- will you be my valentine?" after that.. i was talking to her later the night that she got it (last monday) on facebook, and she asked me what the hell that was all about and that she hyperventilated and freaked out when she read it because i'm such a nice, sweet, caring and good friend and she doesn't want to wreck that and blah blah blah.. i assured her that it was just a friendly gesture (which it was.. well, it was about 95% just friendly, to be perfectly honest. you know how male/female friendships can be sometimes...), but i don't think she totally believes me.. she never freaks out when i tell her she looks beautiful or anything like that, but a cheesy $3 card with Snoopy in it sent her over the edge.

In reply to novaderrik:

Honestly, it was probably just the card that did it. I don't think I've ever met a guy who would buy, much less send a card of their own free will...

she said the card was fine, but the P.S. part made her freak out..

In reply to BoostedBrandon:

The best way I can answer that is with my own story. Just a few days ago my wife tells me that a guy came up to her in the grocery store and said "Has anyone told you today that you are very pretty?". At first I was a little ticked about that, but the more I thought about it, the better I felt. We've been married 24 years, and I'm very secrure in my marriage. I trust my wife, so the only important result of this guy telling her that is that it made her feel good. Nothing wrong with that.

Perhaps. But does it matter?

Which is more important, the rose or your wife?

You may have the right to be pissed, but you also have the privilege not to be.

Learn the lesson she is teaching you FAST before you screw up your marriage. She got upset because it matters to her. Read up on the 5 love languages- Gift giving, acts of service, physical touch and closeness, words of encouragement, quality time. We all have our stronger and weaker love languages. You are obviously NOT a gift giver. She is. When you don't give her gifts, she hears it as you don't love her, regardless of how you intended it. Don't use money as an excuse. Gift givers appreciate poems, hand drawn cards, hand picked wildflowers, or post-it notes.

Also, don't use forgetfulness as an excuse. I'll bet you wouldn't forget a meeting with your boss, or a business lunch with a customer, or a great race on TV you wanted to watch.

Buy her a dozen roses and tell her you are sorry you upset her and how much you value her.

Come home with a box of chocolates.....and say some cute chick at work heard the rose story, and thought you needed TLC sweets.

Gasoline wrote: Come home with a box of condoms.....and say some cute chick at work heard the rose story, and thought you needed some TLC.

FTFY

I'm the worst gift giver in the world. I refuse to buy roses on Valentine's day, but I will buy other flowers. I'm more of a quality time guy, so I normally go out of my way to do things like going out to eat where she wants to go or going to see the play she wants to see instead of gifts.

I'm with SVreX on this one. I mean, my wife and I have been having some trouble lately and I managed to get my wife flowers, chocolate, and a small gift on V-Day. Then she managed to get us reservations at her favorite restaurant and free passes to Disney a few days later, so we went and had a good time. Getting away for a day made her feel so much better than she has been feeling.

Do something special. At this point, you need to put a little more planning into something to really make it count. Forget the rose thing and go on a nice date.

SVreX wrote: Perhaps. But does it matter? Which is more important, the rose or your wife? You may have the right to be pissed, but you also have the privilege not to be. Learn the lesson she is teaching you FAST before you screw up your marriage. She got upset because it matters to her. Read up on the 5 love languages- Gift giving, acts of service, physical touch and closeness, words of encouragement, quality time. We all have our stronger and weaker love languages. You are obviously NOT a gift giver. She is. When you don't give her gifts, she hears it as you don't love her, regardless of how you intended it. Don't use money as an excuse. Gift givers appreciate poems, hand drawn cards, hand picked wildflowers, or post-it notes. Also, don't use forgetfulness as an excuse. I'll bet you wouldn't forget a meeting with your boss, or a business lunch with a customer, or a great race on TV you wanted to watch. Buy her a dozen roses and tell her you are sorry you upset her and how much you value her.

That's getting pretty sappy.

You young guys have SOOOO much to learn about women!! But then, I'm old, and I still do too.

It doesn't have to be sappy or silly. It really sounds as if she needs some non-sexy time love and attention. If your woman isn't getting love and attention from you, she WILL get it from someone else. She told him about the rose to give him a wake up call.

SVreX wrote: Perhaps. But does it matter? Which is more important, the rose or your wife? You may have the right to be pissed, but you also have the privilege not to be. Learn the lesson she is teaching you FAST before you screw up your marriage. She got upset because it matters to her. Read up on the 5 love languages- Gift giving, acts of service, physical touch and closeness, words of encouragement, quality time. We all have our stronger and weaker love languages. You are obviously NOT a gift giver. She is. When you don't give her gifts, she hears it as you don't love her, regardless of how you intended it. Don't use money as an excuse. Gift givers appreciate poems, hand drawn cards, hand picked wildflowers, or post-it notes. Also, don't use forgetfulness as an excuse. I'll bet you wouldn't forget a meeting with your boss, or a business lunch with a customer, or a great race on TV you wanted to watch. Buy her a dozen roses and tell her you are sorry you upset her and how much you value her.

This.

madmallard wrote: it's pretty tacky to give another man's woman a red rose. Any other colour is a friendly gesture, but red....-_-

"It was just a foot message... he over-reacted..."

"Would you give a man a foot message?"

"---- "

"Well?"

"berkeley you..."

Next time, don't forget V-day.

In reply to Ian F:

A foot message? Huh? Do you mean massage?