Feelin' a bit guilty...

More so during the Holiday Season...

Back story is that my folks still live in North Carolina and I live in Pittsburgh with my wife and daughter. In-laws are close, which was a driving factor in us moving to back to Pittsburgh, along with much better public schools. I have one brother and he lives in NC as well. My parents are in a small town north of Charlotte and have zero family close by. I can't help but miss them and feel guilty that I live 6 hours away. They are mostly alone a lot of the time. My brother lives around 1 hour away, but lives the typical busy life and rarely sees my parents (he is married with 2 kids). He also lives close to hi in-laws and spends a good bit of his time with them.

I'm happy living here in Pittsburgh. It's a great place with great people and I have an amazing job with great opportunities thanks to the oil and natural gas boom. However, I can't help feel guilty that my parents are lonely and rarely get to see my daughter. We do try to make time and I will see them next weekend, but it still gets tough. I guess I feel worse that they are lonely more than anything. Also, after having kids of my own I truly have realized the love and sacrifices my parents have/have made for me.

Anyways sorry to vent, but I'm sure some of you have been there or live far away from loved ones, and I know I can't be the only one feeling this around the Holidays.

BTDT. The thing I am experiencing is that relatives are dropping off the map so to speak and that's a sobering realization at this time of year. It still feels weird to not see my dad or my grandmother at Christmas and they've both been gone a couple of years now.

I am eternally thankful that I am marrying a girl from a town that is only 45 minutes from my hometown. Right now we both live 2.5 hours away from those places, but it is in the plans to move "back home" once kids come around.

Although we're still going to have fights over this. Cause I am NOT giving up Christmas eve.

I just got back in town from visiting a brother who moved away, and just had his first daughter. The trip was great, and I see why they like it where they moved, but it also made me happy that we live close to both sets of grandparents. Distance really sucks when you're raising a young child. Sorry to hear you guys are spread out.

Any chance they would move closer to you?

Are they unable to travel? My parents live a 1000 miles away and they come here rather often and see us as well as my siblings and their kids. They tow a travel trailer all around and act the tourist, too. Of course, they are no longer working.

My family has been separated by oceans and national borders for most of our lives that we don't feel the need to be together often, anyway.

Six hours away is not far - grab some weekend overnights and go visit often.

We are in a similar boat. Our parents, both sets, live 5 1/2 and 7 hours away. And as much as I want them to be a part of our kids lives it is tough. We try and meet up multiple times a year and we webcam a lot. Which if you've ever tried to get an almost four year old boy to webcam you know what I am talking about.

My sister and I were raised in a military family and were NEVER close to family. When we were kids the closest we ever were was a 12 hour plane ride... I think even though it is 7 hours it is still the closest we have ever lived to my parents.

The other big difference for us is that both sets of parents are still working (why I don't know I would have tried to retire ASAP) but I think their generation just thinks they need to keep working. To me that is a good thing as it keeps them all busy. I worry that when my dad does finally retire he will drive my mom crazy. And both sets are active in their church. I don't think my parents have many friends close by, but I hope whenever they do retire they will move closer. My job should keep me planted here for the long run so that makes things easier too. Not like we will be picking up and moving every couple of years anymore.

A number of years ago, a friend's parents (originally from Queens, NYC) bought a house in SE PA to be near the grand kids. Earlier this year, they decided to pack up and move to Florida. They made it through one Florida Summer before moving back to PA. While some of it may have been the heat, I figure most of the reason they moved back was to be near the grand kids again.

I do know it could be worse. Heck, the biggest reason I left Texas for Pittsburgh was to be a little closer to family. I intended to move back to NC one day, but God has a sense of humor sometimes.

We do try to visit as often as possible, and my parents are flying a lot due to some buddy passes. We also facetime as much as we can. I know it will all work out, but it is still tough that they spend so much time alone when I'd rather them be spending a lot of time with their grandchildren.

I feel for you ScreanminE...I think I take family for granted. The wife and I have been married for more than 6 years now. Her folks are divorced, and her grandma and grandpa are divorced. Most everyone is now/was in another relationship, and there are whole other families with grandkids and whatnot in the picture. We have about 6 different celebrations to go to between the 22nd and 26th.

I have 2 siblings, and about 20 cousins. She has a sister and a neice and nephew, and about 30 cousins. The cousins now have kids too...so there is a metric crap-ton of family nearby. Grandmas birthday is on the 22nd each year, and she always wants to go to a family farm about an hour and half away for her birthday party (she is 82 this year, she gets to call the shots on her birthday ). The holidays are a nightmare. Its good I work in Logistics...getting all the right boxes to the right address at the right time is a real effort.

All that said, Im truly grateful for the time I get to spend with the family. Its hectic, and nerve racking and by the end Im exhausted, but I know that as I get older, so does everyone else around me. Before long, I will be on the short side of the equation, and these get-togethers will be that much more important to me.

Just all be VERY happy that your families get along and are respectful of each other. Some of us are not so fortunate.

I haven't seen my parents in years. We talk online or whatever, but finances and so on prevent me from making it- they live in PA and I'm in MN.

I have the same kind of feeling.

My mom lives in western MD and there isnt much in the way of jobs for me (engineer) there, and even less for my fiance (museums and archives).

So, we live a 3 hour drive away down by DC. I still try to go up and see her at least every other month. She doesn't really have anyone else, I mean I have a brother who lives 4 hours from her, but hasn't gone to see her in over a year, which might be a good thing. I digress though...

It was really rough moving away from her (especially when her boyfriend passed away 6 months after I moved out), but it got to the point that I had to if I wanted to have a future I needed to get away. To be honest, its done her a lot of good in making her be more self-reliant rather than depend on me for things that she is capable of doing.

cwh wrote: Just all be VERY happy that your families get along and are respectful of each other. Some of us are not so fortunate.

Yeah. There's a branch by marriage full of manipulative thieves which I am no longer obligated to be around. That was the only thing positive about my dad's death.

Something like this applies: "A daughter is a daughter for all of her life, a son is a son until he gets a wife."

Your parents should have had a daughter.