Getting help

The Wife has "suggested" that if I get through the current clusterberkeleyery with some of my marbles intact that I find a professional to get them sorted out.  How do I pick one? Do I want a psychiatrist? Psychologist? Where should I even look? 

Ask your primary care physician for a recommendation. They'll help out with it.

When my wife is off of the  phone, I'll ask her to chime in. She's currently talking on the phone to a friend about mental health and psychologists/psychiatrists that she follows on facebook. 

Or ask your local Waste Management Executive. 

Well a mental health counselor is generally where you start (Master's Degree level, could be an LCSW, LMHC, or an LPC). You'll do an assessment at the intake appointment where they get a general overview of your history and then you'll work with a clinician, usually on a weekly basis. Not all mental health concerns require medications. Also, I would strongly suggest getting help started now. You will do sessions via telehealth during the pandemic. Better to get help through the hard times then get to rock bottom on your own.

(Note - I will graduate with my LMHC in July and am licensed to practice in Washington state)

Molly says Psychology Today and look for someone who specializes in grief. She would start with a counselor (psychologist, therapist), and if they think that meds are necessary, then go and see a psychiatrist. If you think that you do need meds now before seeing a counselor, go to a psychiatrist immediately, and if you can't, your Primary Care doc should be able to get you on something for the short term.

Best of luck, Wally. 

The key is to find one your comfortable with.  Price, style, everything. If you're not comfortable, you're not gut level honest in my experience. Without that level of honesty, its a waste of time. 

I had to go through a few to figure it out. 

Interview your doctors. Take some time to find one you can actually work with, that can also work with you. 

Wally,

One of the major differences between psychiatrists and psychologist is the ability to prescribe medication.

Psychiatrists are MD's, psychologists are an academic degree. Either will work, but the main thing will be the relationship and trust you build. Don't be afraid to change docs if you're not comfortable. The suggestion to ask your family doc is a good one. You can also check the professional societies for recommendations. They will not tell you negatives about an individual, but will recommend ones that have good reputations. I'm a former psych major.

I asked my doctor who they recommended; she happened to be a psychiatrist but didn't end up prescribing anything. 

I was slow to go (embarrassment, probably), but it was amazingly helpful. Would do it again in a heartbeat.

A key thing is that it's not a failing to need a bit of help. I've had to go down that road a few times in my life, one of them just a few years ago and I did briefly need medication to gain a footing.

Most likely they will help you with a toolset to get you through this. Sometimes medications are needed to help with a foundation. 

You are strong because you have held it together this long. Please be smart as well and don't wait. No one could make an argument that you aren't wading through a hell of a lot right now.

My best advice, it works a lot better if it's someone you can trust and respect. 

Whole lotta love Wally. 

Sometimes just talking/writing it out can help. I'm sure many here would start a dialogue if it would help, even if it's just an email bitch session, I'll listen with no judgement. 

Major props and kudos to you for being strong enough to open up to ask on guidance on where to get help. Advocating for yourself is critical. Thank you for being a strong man in knowing when you need a hand in dealing with your grief. I hope to meet you in October. 

When I went through a rough patch last year, I started with my insurance company just to figure out what my options were in regards to cost.  They were VERY helpful and actually had a separate team to handle mental health.  They worked with me on finding a psychologist to work with.  The counselor was in touch with my primary doctor to get medications prescribed. 

I'll second (or third) that it's OK to meet with different ones until you find the right one.  We each have unique personalities and finding someone that matches yours is key.  If you don't like them, you won't be able to talk to them. 

Think of it like your group of friends.  They're all your friends, but each one has different things you can talk to them about.  You're looking for someone like that friend you can open up with as opposed to just having a beer and shooting pool. 

-Rob

I've never felt the need, but SWMBO and her sisters have, results from the upbringing.  The only advice I can offer is that you have to be honest.  Being honest is hard, sucks, and hurts, but the other side is much better.  I see the 10-20 year later results - my wife is loud, open and honest, but she will tell you that period of time was miserable but necessary to work through.  Her sisters took the easy way out and are still hesitant to talk today and definitely more weird about family interactions.

Find someone you are really comfortable with and be honest.  Glossing the surface or not spilling everything will only serve to help you less in the long run.

Love you from afar.

You'll be starting a new relationship. Sometimes that takes time to find the right fit. The good news is that if it's not feeling like the right fit, you're not going to hurt the feelings of any of the (usually wonderful) people trying to help. Start now to get the wheels turning, and I bet just making the first few steps to start will feel really good (like starting this thread). Thanks for trusting us to bring your question here 

Thank you everyone, I've put in a call to my regular doctor for recommendations.  Hopefully this works out.  

If it helps I have been seeing a therapist for about 4 months. Just having someone to listen and offer tools to help with tour issues is good. I've put off seeing a psychologist and worrying about pharmaceutical help for my depression. 

Wally said:

Thank you everyone, I've put in a call to my regular doctor for recommendations.  Hopefully this works out.  

Also check with your benefits package - do you folks have any kind of Employee Assistance Program?  They usually have at least a menu of information you can use to learn the basics and see where you think it's best to go from here.  Often they have advisors available by phone or chat, too.

You've made the first steps in the right direction.  You'll get there.

Very glad to hear this, Wally. 
 

FWIW, it took me long time to find the right Psychologist. I love my dude, as he's just a regular dude who's able to really empathize. 
 

I've had phone sessions with him in the past. I'm sure he'd do the same for you if you'd like his contact info. Zoom/skype/facetime are probably options as well.

Hang in there, man.

Great advice here Wally. As soon as I opened the discussion, I was hoping to see a reply from Javelin, so that was good.

I don't have any more to add, other than to emphasize that we care.

My employer offered a few free sessions throught the "employee assistance program". 
 

it helped me tremendously. I see a "licensed therapist". With her help i was refered in for some testing and have found out ive had some real issues my whole life that were never diagnosed. Im working on those now, but just simply discussing it and knowing has made the biggest difference. 
 

its nothing to be embarrassed about. Ive said many times, the craziest person you'll meet is the one who says they have zero issues and is perfectly fine. Everyone has issues, just not everyone can admit it or handle it themselves. I knew i had some issues, but needed some guidance to figure it out. It sucks a bit to admit you arent "normal", but admitting it is how you start fixing it. 

good luck Wally. I had help with getting referrals for my therapist from people i knew. You will find some crappy reviews for them, take it lightly. Generally people are forced to go to a therapist or they think they already have it figured out, and of course they are usually wrong. The therapist will end up telling you some stuff that you may not like, but its needed. I actually laughed a bit when i read the reviews, id see a negative review and think "oopsie, someone didnt like being told they were wrong!", or someone didnt like hearing the truth.  

Good to see you want help.

My brother has been to hell and back, but one thing he told me was a big help to him was to be honest with those around you: tell them all you can, and tell them you are getting help. 

It removes stigma, shame...and he was floored with how many people around him truly cared. It was no longer a secret he beared on his own. 

After many years, he is on the other side, and now holds mental health talks for groups within his company. 

He tells me: the more people that know, the less of a grip it has on him. He even got himself off of 15 years of meds...not for everyone, I understand....

best of luck to you and your family.

Like pretty much everyone else here, I saw a therapist for awhile and it really helped. I had to shop a couple before I found a fit, and they totally expect and support that this needs to happen. Honestly, it's been more awkward leaving hairdressers.

Other than that nugget, just want to send my love and support. My folks passed within a year of each other, and it affected me more than I knew for many more years. I wish I'd been smart like you and sought help sooner.

We're right here for you, too, Wally.

Margie

You've had a particularly E36 M3ty few weeks.  You wouldn't be human if you didn't need someone to talk to, and these days, you can't go get all sloppy with a friend in your favourite bar.

You have my best wishes.  Find whatever help you need.

Does your work have a EAP program that can and does referrals?  My last two jobs both have.  My current we can do 8 sessions with the EAP counselors (full licensed counselors/DRs depending on what's neede) before they require you to go to the referral.  A lot of times (their statistics) say they have people recieve satisfactory care within those sessions.  

Hang in there Wally, you are doing the right thing. I saw a psychologist for several months after being diagnosed with PTSD. It absolutely helped. He taught me ways to get back in control of my life. It was a $65 co-pay for each session, but it was well worth it.