Getting SWMBO to stop using her car as a purse. (dangerous subject)

1988RedT2 said:

nutherjrfan said:

I have little to no real world experience with women so I am of no help.  I like ACs scheduling idea and the beater 4cyl idea.  But I'll say this if anyone ever puts their shoes/bare feet up on the dash or out the window they'll get their first lesson in how stuntmen drop and roll from a moving car....

All I have to say is that, out on a drive on a pleasant summer day,  glancing over and seeing your woman's bare feet up on the dash (or out the window) gives me a warm feeling inside, and I count such an event as one of life's little joys. 

Its. Just. A. Car.

Okay, now that is worth going to battle over.  Not only is it unsafe, it's just gross.

And why are you driving his woman around anyway?

Mr. Lee said:

So yeah, I love my wife. REALLY do. But the way she treats her car drives me insane. When I've got to clean it before I use it to run to the store, there's an issue there. I mean, at any given time there are probably 3-4 pairs of shoes, at least a brush or two, makeup, purse, probably a left over fast food bag or two from lunch.  She's a librarian, and running loads of the libraries youth programming, so there are books, and papers, projects etc in the back seat. I mean when I drive it, I've got to move the shoes out from in front of the drivers seat. It's mind blowing. 

Lately I won't drive her car. I've just been driving the truck that get's half the mileage. I'm sick of looking at it. I can't seem to get it through her head that her car is the first thing people see when she pulls up somewhere, and having it a wreck like that just doesn't send a good message.  For mothers day, I literally disassembled her interior and cleaned the hell out of it. (took all day) She kept it clean for about 2 months. Then suddenly bingo... back to it. I know I drive a rusty old truck, but at least I can put a passenger in it if I need to. The back seat is slap full of tools, and things that will likely kill me if I'm ever in an accident, but since I removed the topper, I haven't had a chance to put the tool box back on.

Any suggestions on getting her to change her habits without harping on the subject? Lately it's been causing some strife, and as I said. I'm sick of looking at it. I'm probably going to tear it apart again Sunday and clean it. (it's bugging me that bad) 

I feel the same way, but so does my wife if you replace 'car' with 'house'. She spends way more time cleaning up after me inside, so I will happily deal with a messy car every few months.

The solution if it's your kid is to just threaten to throw everything in the car away then actually do it. That's not advisable with wives though. ;)

Choose your battle, it's her car and the mess doesn't seem to bother her, soooo, if you don't like it you will have to clean it. I've been married 35 years, SWMBO has always had the nicer car than I and more often that not is always got junk that shouldn't be permanently in the car. I just remove things when I can't stand it any more and most of the time she doesn't even know, then we are both happy. I do understand your frustration, the past dozen years or so we have been able to afford nice cars that she truly wants and enjoys but still doesn't take care of them as well as I think she should but that's my problem not hers. Good luck, tread lightly.

Two things:

If this is the biggest challenge you are facing in your marriage God is smiling on you. Count your blessings.

I go through stages like your wife. My wife is the complete opposite. She will clean the interior of her car while I am driving. I drive her nuts and she sneaks out to clean my car whem I am not in it.

I lover her to pieces

Lobsterpennies said:

Two things:

If this is the biggest challenge you are facing in your marriage God is smiling on you. Count your blessings.

 

No not the biggest, but it is certainly the most common one.  And yeah, for the most part, I feel my marriage is fairly blessed.

Holiday's and family are the biggest right now.  My family has been fairly volatile towards each other for the last 10 years or so. That has started to change in the last year or so, but SWMBO has no desire to be around my family gatherings. So I'm stuck deciding to go spend the holiday's with my family, or with her and her mom.  That's the big one lately. 

That and my family refuses to travel to us, we ALWAYS have to go to them. "you don't have kids, it's easier for you to travel." No, but I've got 5 senior dogs who can't be left inside as long as they used to. 

In reply to Mr. Lee :

Hope I didn't touch a nerve there. I was not making light of your topic, I have been married for fifteen years and the road was not easy. Sometimes its the little things that are the hardest after you've been with someone for a peroid of time. They can wear on you. And then I need someone to remind of me of the big picture.

I understand the family stuff, been down that road and it still pops up from time to time.

My wife and I are animal lovers as well, and have had similar situations. 

I hope you have a smooth holiday season this year, keep taking taking care of your dogs, they are the most loyal and understanding family members you can have.

If sex by yourself is that enjoyable, battle on brother.

It's a bloody appliance to her, is this the hill you want to die on?  Good, get two beers and meet me in the garage.

In reply to 1988RedT2 :

I do believe you have nailed this exactly. 

In reply to Lobsterpennies :

Nope, no nerve here. 

In reply to 914Driver :

Nah, it's rather boring, and I'm not dying today. 

Best I can say is don't drive her car.  Been married 36 years. Wife does similar with her car. I have 3 vehicles of my own to choose from so the only time we take hers is when we go someplace together and then I toss everything onto her seat so she cleans up just to be able to sit down.

Sounds to me as an excuse to get a third car that's more economical. Like the answer.  

coffee will spill .....panera scones will crumble .....and dogs will shed copious amounts of FUR.....drive it only when you must...

While I am not a slob, I will confess to never have washed or vacuumed the FRS. not worth it in Canada.

John Welsh said:

Could trade in on a new model... 

 

...but the alamony will kill you. 

Nah, it hasn't killed me, yet, and I'm more than halfway done paying her. Life is so much better, now. 

I used to treat cars like that. Cars were an extension of my room, my life. Things flowed from inside to the car and back.

I think she treats the car like a purse because it really is part of her purse. It's a way she keeps organized even if it seems like chaos. Either it's a symptom of organization problems elsewhere in life, or it's just part of the system she's adopted to keep herself where she is. You're not going to change the car until she changes the way she thinks about keeping things where she wants and needs them. She's not going to change that unless she sees it as a problem.

Serious question, how is organization in her purse? In the house?

914Driver said:

 is this the hill you want to die on?

From this day forward, I will use this in place of "choose your battles wisely."  Thank you Dan!

In reply to mazdeuce - Seth :

Another point of contention, but one I deal with. I spend more time cleaning than I would like to.

Perfect solution:

She can't use the car as a purse if it's barely big enough for one person. Oh wait there's a back seat. Uh oh never mind.

I second all the comments about the inadvisability of trying to pressure her to change.  It's her lifestyle / organization method of choice.  Changing it will require her enthusiastic buy-in.  I'm not sure I'd spend any relationship capital you have on this issue, unless it is a real problem for you.

I will also say that I am deliriously happy that DW doesn't share the same tendencies.  Not that she keeps it spotless, but there are never trash or stored items in her car.

perhaps instead of trying to change her, try to accommodate her...

if you make receptacles for the things in the car, the mess is more contained.   Then you could simply pull the unnecessary containers out of the vehicle when space demands.

make it as easy to access from the drivers seat as feasible. 

my marriage is built on such compromise.

WHo are you guys and how are you getting into MY wife's car!? 

dculberson said:

Perfect solution:

She can't use the car as a purse if it's barely big enough for one person. Oh wait there's a back seat. Uh oh never mind.

Yep a friend of mine's girlfriend has a Suzuki Celerio (tiny hatchback sold in 3rd-world countries), and it used to be packed tight with junk (including the usual shoes) and garbage and was smelly and dirty (as in actual dirt) inside, in large part because it was also used to transport hay. I unintentionally helped trigger an intervention into this situation by cracking a joke about it being the world's smallest garbage truck. At some point the friend had his GF's car professionally cleaned and she's managed to keep it clean since then.

1988RedT2 said:

nutherjrfan said:

I have little to no real world experience with women so I am of no help.  I like ACs scheduling idea and the beater 4cyl idea.  But I'll say this if anyone ever puts their shoes/bare feet up on the dash or out the window they'll get their first lesson in how stuntmen drop and roll from a moving car....

All I have to say is that, out on a drive on a pleasant summer day,  glancing over and seeing your woman's bare feet up on the dash (or out the window) gives me a warm feeling inside, and I count such an event as one of life's little joys. 

Its. Just. A. Car.

That’s so funny, as I am the complete opposite. I think I have the opposite of a foot thing. I just don’t like seeing them. At least 99.9% of the time it’s some awful walmartian with some terrible tattoos. Probably icp tattoos. Plus all I can imagine is the way the foot would look after the airbag goes off and blows her foot through the safety glass windshield. So even in the infintismally rare situation it’s an attractive foot (it’s not) I still can’t enjoy the view 

nobody so far has mentioned mentioning to the wife the fact that all that crap in the car becomes projectiles in cases of an emergency maneuver, it flies around and can get stuck under the pedals.  It is a very dangerous situation.

In reply to Brian :

Previous argument, and it has happened. Fancy hoyty toytie flip flop got smashed when it got between the brake pedal and the floorboard. Adrenaline, and being strong enough to crush it down under my foot. Got the car stopped, some pissed off words said, and tears (not real ones) over ruined shoes.  Now the floorboard get's totally cleaned out when I drive it.