This is admittedly quite difficult due to covid, her being an oncology nurse and having three under the age of 10 and sending them to stay with grandparents for a weekend is off the table due to covid.
Time that she's able to spend and focus on herself is precious, and more of that, or anything that creates more of that, would be gold. Though she's a pretty quick adapter or at least evaluator with regards to what would be worthwhile and what wouldn't. She loves music and plays bass, but of course live music isn't a thing right now. She has a wonderful pallette and enjoys clean locally sourced food, stouts, porters and hedges, brown liquor and rose. I have given her a digital exposure to autocross, and she seemed to only be interested if she'd be able to run her 06 Triumph Bonneville.
I'm open to suggestions. I already make meals for just the 2 of us, and for all five of us, to enable her to have the ability to unwind, work on her schoolwork, work work or to spend time with the kids without having to focus on an additional task or responsibility. And if an act of service, with an investment in being able to being able to do it, it'd need to be something pretty over the top, not something that I should already be doing for us. She's pretty great about making me want to be a better person already without too much asking. It's a welcome change from relationships where I haven't been challenged and have become complacent with myself, or have been challenged blindly without direction.
Several years ago I gave my wife 12 presents for Christmas. I made up a coupon for each of 12 different planned dates and included some inexpensive little trinket or item with each that pertained to the date. She could redeem one per month for the next year. This was in response to a lot of "What do you want to do? I don't know, what do YOU want to do?" arguments.
I made her do the whole 12 days of Christmas thing with them. Admittedly, it would take more planning in today's environment. I found a couple online lists of like 50 cheap dates or similar and used it to spark ideas.
Let me tell you, I almost couldn't deal with all the brownie points I got for that. Hell, I don't think we even went on more than 5 or 6 of the actual dates, but I was a rock star for a while. Every time her friends started talking about presents she had the trump card. Her friends' spouses HATED me for a while, lol.
Two of the best successes I've had was a subscription to StitchFix (a clothing styling and delivery service) because my wife liked to look stylish but hated shopping and didn't have time for it anyway and a subscription to Cooks Illustrated (science-based cooking magazine). Be warned that with either, you can't undo it and it doesn't count as a gift the following year :)
I'm not sure I'd set it up under COVID-era, but one of the best investments we've ever made is to have a house cleaner come every other week. Costs a cool c-note, but the floors are actually mopped & cleaned, ceiling fans are dusted, etc. Ya know, all those things you'd like to do but never realistically get to.
Is there any hobbies that's she's really into? For example, with my wife, booking a King Arthur's Flour baking class up in Vermont is an amazing treat (akin to one of us getting to go to DirtFish, Skip Barber, etc.). Can you book a class for July of next year there?
In reply to WonkoTheSane (FS) :
I hadn't thought of booking something for the spring or summer, that's likely a solid route, as the kids will be able to stay with grandparents by then.
She does an amazing job with regards to keeping her house tidy and organized, you'd suspect 1-2 children, not 3, and not that it's a single parent home. Even though a cleaning service would take stuff off of her plate, she'd likely take it that wrong way. If covid weren't an issue, a spa weekend would be the answer, booking it out further likely is. Double bonus if great driving roads and and distillery are in the area.
With how awful things are right now, I'd second a future trip. Something for her to look forward to next year, combined with something related that she can use now. Going camping/hiking in the mountains for your trip? Get her some gear to wrap under the tree. Going on a tropical vacation? Get her something from the place you're going (hot sauce, coffee). Road trip out west? Turquoise jewelry or something. Or for any location? Travel journal. Put your destination as the first entry and she can fill in details and memories on the trip.
That way you're giving her a future experience AND a current present.
This year I got my wife a road atlas and a highlighter. Time to sit on the couch together and dream of some places we can visit when this all blows over. We'll see how it goes as a present.
We decided no gifts this year. Just do things.
Should this nightmare ever end I was planning on sending the girl and her sister to a very nice spa in the area for a day. Still hoping I get to do that, at this point I may even go to lol.
Pretty much all of the things you are thinking of are things you could duplicate at home. Not quite the same as actually going somewhere, but it sounds like she's the type of lady who would appreciate the ingenuity. You already seem to know what she likes and would appreciate it.
Get Uber Eats from her favorite restaurant (not that your cooking isn't wonderful) That way you can go out to eat without going out.
Home spa day? Nice massage. Watch a youtube video on how to give manicures. Aromatherapies. Get some massage oil in her favorite scents. Find a soothing music station online.
Do you know where she wants to travel next? Buy, rent, or find a streaming documentary about that destination and watch it cuddled up on the couch.
Not sure if she's into meditation and yoga, but those who are typically find those moments spent in the practice of it VERY centering and self-loving. You could get her a subscription to an online yoga course or weekly/daily meditation.
I also like what others have said about a future excursion/adventure. My sister and I do that for Mom and Dad. They get so excited and its like a gift that keeps their anticipation pricked for a month or two until they can actually schedule it and do it.
In that way, your present could be dinner at her favorite restaurant, a trip to her favorite destination, self-recharge time, and a trip to a spa... all without contracting a virus and from the comfort of your own couch. I don't know the dynamic with the kids, but they could join you for the meal and the documentary, then put them to bed for the spa time.
Edit: Do you have a friend that you trust with the kids and in their covid avoidance? Maybe they would even be willing to get tested. Ask them if they would house swap for the evening. They come over and watch the kids while you and SWMBO go to their house. Change of atmosphere might make it seem more destination-like.
I heard schoolwork. I stopped at schoolwork.
How busy is home life for her? If busy, get her a local hotel room (or nice motel). Have grubhub deliver meals to her. She can read a book, study, whatever. She will just have a day to catch up in an environment that she is not responsible for taking care of. It does not cost a whole lot of money, and can even be a "preview" for a future trip, if you want.
It's a gamble, assuming the vaccines work or we've either all reached herd immunity or perished, I wouldn't plan anything for 6 months.
SWMBO and my anniversary is in early May. She's a big Lady Antebellum fan, we missed a few opportunities to see them when they were close-ish. I thought I'd just bite the bullet and get some scalper priced tickets, but Stubhub tickets were literally a 400+% markup, for a not really all that great venue. I figured if I was willing to pay those prices I could make a trip out of it, destination and a show. I kept a close watch on their tour dates, then they announced a tour with Florida Georgia Line and Dierks Bentley, no one should have to suffer such torture just to see Lady Antebellum. Several months into their torture tour they announced a residency show at The Palms in Las Vegas. We like Vegas, SWMBO shares her work calender with me, I picked some dates, and clandestinely confirmed her availabilities.
SWMBO was available for a long 4 day weekend over Labor Day. I booked 2 tickets to Lady Antebellum, 3 nights at Pairs Las Vegas, and 2 cheap direct flights on South West, for roughly what 2 scalper priced tickets to the near-by show would have cost.
I did some amateur Photoshop, printed some vintage looking tickets for the concert and the stay at Pairs. I gave them to her on our anniversary in May nearly a full 4 months before the trip.
I did good, those brownie points lasted a long time.
In reply to bigdaddylee82 :
Big thing vaccine wise will be when her parents are able to get it and watch the kids. I've already received both rounds and she's scheduled to get it in January.
I do need to pull some DATs from shows that I worked and get to her in flac to enjoy.
Her ex can watch the kids for us to enjoy time together, but he isn't always the most reliable with regards to what time he appears versus when the communicated time is. She generally comes over to my place when he's watching the kids.
