gumby (Forum Supporter) said:
In reply to bobzilla :
HBD! Are you coming over Sunday for a garage fix and people cheering you on?
I doubt I can muster enough energy this weekend to fix Tubey and do something else both. It'll be struggle bus having dinner with my folks.
Yes, let's stay on topic please.
I've struggled with depression my whole life. No real "fixes," I just know it comes and goes; it's a wave - I ride it, and I eventually come through it, only to be hit by it again.
Things that don't work for me:
- Exercise. Freaking hate it. Doing it just makes me angry.
Things that have worked:
- Getting off gluten (I love bread, but breads made me feel "off," so I quit gluten and I feel a lot better. And I lost 24lbs).
- Tinkering in the shop - even if that is just cleaning, or staring at the next phase of the project. I need the distraction. A day in the shop puts wind in my sails for a week.
- Stop watching/reading/listening-to the news. There is so much garbage out there that has nothing directly to do with you, yet it gets you mad/angry/upset/irritated/miserable. I am currently at an all-time low with respect to faith in humanity; I need help with avoiding the garbage news.
- Stop watching tv entirely - commercials are all about "you suck and you need to buy this" or "you deserve this, but you don't have it." Screw them. Getting away from TV entirely, and away from the barrage of commercials has made me feel a LOT happier about myself.
- Unfollow or unfriend anyone that constantly brings negativity into your world if you're doing social media. Their political/theological/lifestyle agenda isn't worth any of it. I have unfollowed almost everyone, including my entire extended family. I have unfriended some family too. I also have nothing to do with significant members of my extended family on even a personal/interactive level. Sounds cold, but I need to protect my mind. There are some folks even on here (gasp!) I just plain ignore, because all they bring is negativity, all the time.
Things that were eye-opening:
- Learning Myers-Briggs temperament types, and learning that I am not a freak, I'm just uncommon.
- Learning I'm high-functioning autistic (Asperger's).
^^ these were very "freeing," which have helped me laugh at my foibles, instead of trying to change them.
I took some of the advice in this thread and played a couple rounds of cribbage with my wife after dinner last night. Just the two of us on the couch. It was really nice and I swear I slept better. So more thanks to the lot of you.
In reply to bobzilla :
Is someone else's frustration less valid than yours? I've lost 18 people so far and spend most of my time alone because of something a good chunk of the country still thinks is fake. What works like a coping mechanism for you sometimes comes off as an attack to some and on a bad day is hard to let go.
In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :
Let's stop with the assumptions first. I've never said the vid was fake. What is "fake" has been the hand wringing sky is falling 24/7 fear mongering. To date, 24 people in my circle have had it including myself. 4 had symptoms. One was hospitalized for 2 months and 2 months in hospice/rehab dealing with the stroke he had while having it.
Maybe it's my lack of concern and angst over death in general. I've been exposed first hand since I was 4. I found my only grandfather dead at 9. I've lost close loved ones, good friends etc. Death sucks, but is inevitable. I prefer to enjoy life, remember the good times and emotions with those that are gone and move on. It may make me a cold hearted bastard. It's how I deal with it. over 2 million people die in this country every day and every single one of those meant the world to someone. I understand their pain. But there is nothing I can do to change that.
This pandemic has been overblown and mishandled from the beginning and I have told everyone here my very unpopular opinion on it all so there's no need to rehash it again just so I can be called the horrible person I am yet again.
Hi everybody, just wanted to say this has been an awesome thread so far, and I'd like to see it keep being awesome.
I'd also like to ask that we don't debate the pandemic, as that's basically as effective as debating whether or not gravity is real, water is wet, or if 350Zs sound like garbage without an LS swap. 
Let's focus on the topic, and leave pandemic debate for another message board. That's not what this corner of the internet is for.
Thanks, everybody.
bobzilla said:In reply to APEowner :
Alot of us are someplace where it's not possible to be on track for 3-4 months if the year. It was 39 and raining yesterday. This morning it was 20. It's going to be like this until mid March.
For sure. I'm lucky that I live somewhere that's an option. Actually, it's not all luck. One of the reasons that I chose to live where I do is that it's sunny and reasonably warm most days. That's a sharp contrast to Upstate New York where I spend the first forty plus years of my life. I am lucky that choosing to live here is an option and I recognize that not everyone has the luxury of making choices like that.
That brings up an important point. I think it's important to recognize that depression doesn't necessarily have to be related to bad things happening in your life. When I was at my worst life was really pretty good. That didn't make the depression any less real or debilitating although I suspect it made recovery easier.
Something else worth mentioning is that professional help is different than supportive friends and families. This is an over simplification but friends and families say "I'm sorry you're struggling and we love you." They may also be able to tell you what's been helpful for them or someone they know A professional councilor will say "I'm sorry your struggling, let's do some work and figure out what the root cause or causes are and come up with some tools to deal with them." And they'll pull from their education and knowledge of things that have worked for a wide variety of people to do that. Ideally we'd have access to both.
On the topic of professional help and medication. If someone has tried either and it hasn't worked for you that doesn't necessarily mean that they can't. They may need to try different meds or a different councilor till they find a good match. Those good matches may change as well.
bobzilla said:over 2 million people die in this country every day and every single one of those meant the world to someone.
It's more like ~7800 per day. 
Two million per day would eliminate the population of our country in about 6 months.
I could really go for a warm slice of apple pie with a big scoop of homemade vanilla ice cream on top.
In reply to z31maniac :
meant per year but you knew what I meant. Today should be cool and fun instead of the complete E36 M3 show it is,.
There is clinical depression, and then there is the depression I feel when I'm not sure how to pay the bills at the end of the month. One of those needs drugs and therapy, one needs an internal kick in the ass to find a better way to make money.
They are very different things, and I'm not always sure which one I'm dealing with. I think mostly it's the second, because I've had a couple of good financial months in the shop, and I'm cheerful and relaxed.
Anybody that wants to be cheerful and happy 24/7/365 is going to get very depressed, because life is short, violent, painful and difficult, and always ends up with death.
None of this is dismissing real clinical depression.
bobzilla said:In reply to z31maniac :
meant per year but you knew what I meant. Today should be cool and fun instead of the complete E36 M3 show it is,.
Yeah, it's 34 and wet outside and my girlfriend has been in bed for a week with the 'Rona.
Is it spring yet?
Bobzilla - Happy birthday and I'm really sorry that things suck so badly for you and that you're struggling right now. For what it's worth, I'm glad you're around. I only know you through this forum but I often find your input valuable.
I also want to let you know that I appreciate you and people like you who are making sacrifices for the greater good during this time. I know you're doing it under duress and would take a different approach if it were up to you. We're all having a hard time with it but it's got to be particularly difficult for those of you who think it's over reacting and it takes away such a significant amount of what you enjoy in life.
I hope you can find a way to treat yourself today.
SkinnyG (Forum Supporter) said:- Stop watching tv entirely - commercials are all about "you suck and you need to buy this" or "you deserve this, but you don't have it." Screw them. Getting away from TV entirely, and away from the barrage of commercials has made me feel a LOT happier about myself.
In addition to this, if you haven't set up a Pi Hole yet, you owe it to yourself to do it to mostly remove internet advertising from your life. Internet advertising isn't as effective at making you feel like a failure as a mandatory 3 minute reminder every 8 minutes of a show you want to watch, but it adds a ton of mental overhead.
I catch myself surfing in circles looking for anything that gathers my attention. I'm bored with whatever my last topic of hyperfocus is. Maybe I can't put it down, but I've read all there is to read. I can't find new stuff to dig into. Did anyone reply on Facebook? On twitter? On the forum? What's in the news? Should I buy some gadget? Any new podcast episodes? Did anyone reply on Facebook?
I think what gets glossed over or missed a lot on this topic is that if you suffer from clinical depression, finding someone that has the same issue you have and the way to fix it is very very rare. We all process things in a different manner. Different things make us work or don't. I've never had thoughts of suicide or self harm (with one exception while we were finding a med that worked for me. That one did not). I just get into this deep dark well that feels like I can't get out of. It's usually followed at some point by an extreme euphoric feeling that lasts a few day before heading back down te well. MEds for me just helped level those peaks a valleys out to be manageable.
While they work, my QoL is so much better. When my brain adjusts and I have to change it's... harsh. Side effects suck but not feeling like the world is ending or a party 24/7 is worth it. I long to feel "normal" even though I know that doesnt exist
Self pleasure was brought up earlier, and while it does release endorphins and serotonin, sex is really a form of communication and an act that shows your feelings and the value that you hold another human in. Consistent self endulgence will leave a feeling of inferiority and a lack of being desired.
Self-care is important though. I think one of the things about exercise being recommended that's overlooked is you tend to bathe afterwards and if you exercise after work you're not rushed bathing having to get ready or to work by a set time. Something as simple as a 20-minute long shower and a slow shave with a straight razor instead of just running an electric razor over your face can make a major difference. Take the time to care for yourself. Trim your nose hair your hair eyebrows neckline. Heck, shave your genitalia and pound 64oz of pineapple juice so that you're ready for that dance of endorphin release.
mazdeuce - Seth said:I ... played a couple rounds of cribbage with my wife ...I swear I slept better.
is that what they're calling it these days?
AngryCorvair (Forum Supporter) said:mazdeuce - Seth said:I ... played a couple rounds of cribbage with my wife ...I swear I slept better.
is that what they're calling it these days?
at our age, I think he'd be surprised to finish one "game"
bobzilla said:AngryCorvair (Forum Supporter) said:mazdeuce - Seth said:I ... played a couple rounds of cribbage with my wife ...I swear I slept better.
is that what they're calling it these days?
at our age, I think he'd be surprised to finish one "game"
"our age", you've been this old for one day. Let me know when you make it to three weeks. I've been around, seen stuff, you don't even know.
captdownshift (Forum Supporter) said:Consistent self endulgence will leave a feeling of inferiority and a lack of being desired.
I'm not weird about it or anything.
I don't tie myself up first.
Then there are nights like today where nothing is going to help. I've ripped the house apart looking for my wedding ring that I took of to shower and somehow misplaced, a bunch of Christmas memories are beating me up, I have another friend's online funeral to sit through tomorrow, and it's day four of few words from the hospital. I know she's having a hard time and isn't up to talking but I'm still a wreck. One day I'll get good at riding this E36 M3 out.
mazdeuce - Seth said:bobzilla said:AngryCorvair (Forum Supporter) said:mazdeuce - Seth said:I ... played a couple rounds of cribbage with my wife ...I swear I slept better.
is that what they're calling it these days?
at our age, I think he'd be surprised to finish one "game"
"our age", you've been this old for one day. Let me know when you make it to three weeks. I've been around, seen stuff, you don't even know.
First time I've laughed today. Thank you
In reply to Wally (Forum Supporter) :
One day at a time Wally, and you have a whole lot of tomorrows, many of which will be sunny. We're here for you.
There’s this cool podcast, “ Track Walking.” It’s been great to help decompress on the way home from work 
Really though, I feel ya. It’s been a pretty rough season and I realized I was getting home in a bad mood, and getting up in the morning with a bad mood, with no rational explanation.
I’m not going to call it “depression” but I definitely haven’t been in a great place mentally lately.
It’s helped a lot to find little things to look forward too throughout the day, whether it’s a podcast on the way home or planning to kick a soccer ball with the kid for 15 minutes before dinner.
Great discussion. I was telling my kid about it - he still has anxiety bad. He thinks I'm goofy for posting multiple thousand times on here but I am thankful for a lot of things I learn and see. Best cross section of humanity for a web forum no question. (Except perhaps the lack of females).
To everyone struggling, keep talking about it. Strength in numbers and all that.
Bob - HBD. Give us an update on the new job. I can't find the original post but would see it if you reply there.
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