Having problems spending money....

So as the title may suggest I am having a mental block when it comes to spending. This has been a problem that has been brought up by my friends, numerous girlfriends, and even my boss. Mostly saying that I am cheap.

I work in advertising in NYC. I make a decent amount of money. But it seems like whenever I have money I end up holding it so tight that it hurts when I spend it. I constantly stress about money.

To give a little background, I grew up poor. Went clothes shopping once a year never bought name brands, if I really wanted something I would save and save to get it.

Now I still have the same habits. I don't really shop for clothes, I don't really go out for nice dinners, broadway shows. Even when I buy stuff for the car I stress over which part to get and if I am doing the right thing.

Anywords of wisdom from the GRM guys...

Sounds sensible to me except the stress. Check and make sure you are financially safe. Relax. Enjoy.

Decide how much you want to save, set it aside first. That way you've already decided how much to spend, and will spend it without worrying about whether you're getting far ahead enough for a rainy day to come.

I would put in some advice here but I am the opposite of you (as I assume most people are). I spend too much money of frivolous things and don't save enough.

What do you do in advertising? (sorry, the ad school grad in me is curious).

As for the expenditures, Who cares what anyone else has to say? So you are the cheap guy, there are many other things that you could be that would be way worse.

I am much the same, I grew up middle class, but both my parents were quite poor. I got most of my clothing from garage sales, and we never had the new and exciting stuff. (my parents still don't have cell phones or internet access.)

Buy what makes you happy. Don't spend on what wont make you happier.

Rich people don't get rich by spending money.

Uhhh, start dating an incredibly attractive, high-maintenance broad?

Osterkraut wrote: Uhhh, start dating an incredibly attractive, high-maintenance broad?

This is far more expensive than either yachting or motor racing. It will certainly cure that spending issue... or if you are really too thrifty for the NYC ladies... drive you to hookers. Guaranteed result, negotiated up front. No cuddling.

I'm similar to you in mindset. I grew up upper-middle class, but I've had a job since 13 and I have trouble parting with my hard earned money. I've found that budgeting, and saving a set amount every (month, pay check, whatever) really helps. My general rule is I am allowed to spend 10% of what I earn on myself, no questions asked. Everything else goes to the real world type stuff*. Now that I'm paying for rent and tuition, that 10% becomes more like 2 or 3%, but the same basic idea remains.

*Groceries, rent, tuition, savings, car expenses (insurance/gas/maintenance, not upgrades), emergency fund...

I"ve been looking for someone to sponsor my tour of NYC Steakhouses. I get off work at 10 most nights

Wow, thought I was the only one with "spending stress disorder". Sorry, don't mean to make light of the subject.

In my case, I find it hard to make a decision...PERIOD. But that's because too many bad decisions have been made and when I do spend money, it seems like I wind up having to spend a dollar to save a nickel....if you know what I mean.

I definitely don't have this problem, though strangely, I'm balking at precisely the reason I had a wad of cash stashed away for some years.... I saw my mortgage paperwork last night, and was pretty much not interested lol.

Get a wife - they never have this problem!

My son has been saving for college tuition and had to send $2,000 to help with the next semester. It killed him to let it go out of his hands.

pete240z wrote: Get a wife - they never have this problem!

Incorrect!

The correct answer is, get a wife who makes HER OWN money.

Set aside I.C.E money. In Case of Emergency. I've been told I'm cheap for yeeeaaars. Im in college so I don't have much money. But I always set aside some money for possible job loss/books (the amount varies over time). As long as I don't spend that, I feel better about spending money on clothes/cars/lots and lots of alcohol. I guess its just kind of a mental thing. It makes me feel "safe" about spending money I guess.

Edit: If your really stressing that bad over it. Maybe you should talk to someone about it. I dont see any shame in that.

Nis14 wrote: Anywords of wisdom from the GRM guys...

You're doing it right. Relax, and think about how all your friends will be stressing out when they reach retirement age and don't have enough money, but you do.

Don't worry about it. The world is going to end in 2012. I saw it on the interweb so it must be true.

I don't see anything wrong here.

z31maniac wrote: The correct answer is, get a wife who makes HER OWN money.

That doesn't work. They still spend your money first.

Your money...your rules!

Just avoid false economy such as Tiawan sockets and particleboard furniture.

I teach cheapness! Yesterday a friend showed me a $315 estimate for changing an inner tierod. I made him look up the procedure online (nice video on YouTube) and had him shop for parts. Parts store offered up $69 and $35 rental for the special tool with part arriving this morning. He announced that he might do this deal until I told him to call other parts stores and even OEM parts counter.

Other parts store had $49 and free loaner tool while OEM was $52 and $25 to BUY the tool.....both in stock!

He went with the OEM so he could give the tool to me (yes, tool junkie here!) bought us lunch and did something to my computer so it was cleaner and faster.

Just his 15 minutes on the phone saved him $12 which I explained was equal to giving himself a job at $48 per hour!!

Getting what you want or need for less is not cheap...it is just smart! Money is a game..play to win!

Bruce

I'm the same as you, and have been called cheap all my life.

Once I hit my 40's, was making good money, and had no bills, I started to loosen up. I suspect you will too.

I'm still careful with money, but I no longer stress over it.

Save when you can, spend when you have to, and pay down your bills (car/mortgage) as quickly as you can, and you'll be set early.

You have a good problem. Be happy that you're not the opposite.

Refusing to waste money is not "cheap." Cheap is depriving yourself (or your dependents) of something you need and can easily afford. Letting the hot water run down the drain at full blast while you spend 10 minutes shaving is wasteful. Buying your wife some little trinket for her birthday when you could afford to spend more, and get her something you know she wants, is cheap. But, it's personal. For me to buy designer clothes would be wasteful. People who feel that's important have to make ther own decisions.

And, as others have said, saving as much as you can early in life is just good sense.

Relax. You're ahead of about 80% of the population.

Your bills are paid & you are comfortable with your lifestyle. A little stress can be fixed easier than spiralling debt.

Go easy on yourself.

Dan

914Driver wrote: Relax. You're ahead of about 80% of the population. Your bills are paid & you are comfortable with your lifestyle. A little stress can be fixed easier than spiralling debt. Go easy on yourself. Dan

This.

You work hard for a reason. Whatever that eason is, enjoy it. My brother and his wife blow every spare dime at Christmas for their kids. They don't even get each other presents. Regardless of the lesson that show them, it's his money and they enjoy how they spend it.

My step-father refuses to fix anything. He call experts and pays through the nose for it. Drives me ape. I won't call a repair specialist until I have fixed it worse or can evaluate that my fix will make it worse beforehand. He insist the reason he works is so he doesn't have to worry about fixing anything. It makes him happy and he sleeps well. He doesn't understand why I constantly wrench on my own cars, especially when I break them. Thats why I work (and have multiple cars/bikes, so I can break them). It makes me happy and I sleep well.

For others it's surfing, or travel or audio/video equipment. You achieved your station in life by being true to your nature. If the eason you work hard is to have savings, then thats your reason.

But if you are stressing, man you are doing it wrong. Look at the precise instrument of the stress and adress that. You work to hard to worry.

We all do.

Nis14 wrote: So as the title may suggest I am having a mental block when it comes to spending. This has been a problem that has been brought up by my friends, numerous girlfriends, and even my boss. Mostly saying that I am cheap.

There are two things to keep in mind here. To quote a certain radio personality, "most people are broke" and "taking financial advice from broke people is like taking diet advice from fat people".

Now with that out of the way, a couple of comments - living below your means isn't being cheap. I would say, being cheap is when you have the cash in the bank to buy Blizzaks and buy North Korean super-slide snow tires because they're so much cheaper (and end up in the ditch as a result). Most people who've built their own wealth tend to be what 'normal' people call cheap 'cos they don't max out their credit cards every five minutes and tend to save more than they spend. Most people who achieve that sort of goal do it for the peace of mind of being independently wealthy rather than living from paycheck to paycheck (and then have to work at Wallyworld because they can't retire in dignity either).

Nis14 wrote: I work in advertising in NYC. I make a decent amount of money. But it seems like whenever I have money I end up holding it so tight that it hurts when I spend it. I constantly stress about money. To give a little background, I grew up poor. Went clothes shopping once a year never bought name brands, if I really wanted something I would save and save to get it.

When you stress about money, is it despite having a bundle of cash in the bank? Or is it that you occasionally have money in the bank? Sorry if I appear to be dense, but I read your statement either way...

I would say that saving up for something is far superior than having yet another payment - a habit I'm still trying to learn properly myself .

Nis14 wrote: Now I still have the same habits. I don't really shop for clothes, I don't really go out for nice dinners, broadway shows. Even when I buy stuff for the car I stress over which part to get and if I am doing the right thing. Anywords of wisdom from the GRM guys...

Do you budget? If you do, does your budget include both saving some money and some blow money for guilt-free spending?

Say you had an unlimited expense account ('cos it's easier to spend other people's money), would you go out for a nice dinner or a broadway show and enjoy it (rather than doing it because "everybody does it")? Why or why not?

If someone gave you a couple of grand with the stipulation that you had to spend it by the end of the week, what would you do with it?

In contrast to you, I've been trying to learn how to be 'cheap' for decades and only now I've got the feeling that I'm finally making progress. My parents never seemed to get a handle on money even though they tried (and my mum turned out to be rather good with money once they got divorced). Add to that a business failure that took a drawn-out lawsuit and a good decade to pay off ('cos I was paying it off the wrong way) and I'm way to broke for my age and income, and as a result pretty much every major purchase is giving me the creeps because I remember what it's like to be so broke that you don't know if you can buy enough food for the month.

First of all, correct your friends, girlfriends and boss when they refer to you as cheap. Tell them you're frugal. Make sure you take an awesome vacation. Buy some name brand clothes, but get them from the thrift stores ie., Rescue Mission, Amvets, Goodwill, etc. That way there isn't any guilt because you're helping a good cause AND being frugal. They probably are just jealous. That is unless you're the guy that takes a powder when the check shows up or it's your turn to buy. Then you may well be cheap and need professional help.