Help me document psycho

Hey all,

The back story is that I've been separated for one year and the divorce will be initiated this month. The ex seems to be going off the deep end right now and anytime she's feeling rage she, conveniently enough, decides to email, text, or leave me a voicemail (since I rarely answer her calls).

What I'd like to do is keep the particularly crazy stuff for use at a later date if necessary. Email is easy, It's there for me when I need it. Extracting voicemail from the phone...that's not too tricky. I could use some suggestions, but figure a cheap microphone and record it to my laptop would suffice if there's no cleaner/easier way to do it. The texts, on the other hand, I don't know how to backup. It's only a matter of time before my text limit is reached with her crazy texts alone. I can transcribe them, but that's not as legitimate as if I has some sort of record with the timestamps and her number associated and all that.

So...does anybody know a good way to do this? I suppose I could get an old crap phone and just use it as a storage device (transfer texts from sim...maybe...if possible).

Also, open to input on good ways to record the VMs.

Thanks in advance for any advice.
Clem

Before you start recording anything see your lawyer. I know a guy that lost everything for an illegal wiretap on his phone.

You don't have to. No judge or moderator is going to waste their time listening to recorded phone calls, forget what you saw on TV. All you have to do is document what is going on. Have a written log of when she called, what time, and the jist of the message or conversation. What you want to end up with is something you can easily hand to the judge to back up what you are saying. If you say she harassed you, then you need to hand over some papers that document a long list of calls. If you say that she never took the kids, then have a calendar or list of dates that she declined to take them. If you claim that she spent money, have a list of what was spent and when. The point is not to argue over every minute or dollar, but to back up the idea that she is not around enough or that she spends too much money. Judges look at the bigger picture and don't get bogged down in the details of your relationship.

The person who is more prepared, and has something to back up what they are saying, is the one the judge will believe. Calling names, getting angry and being vindictive will get you nowhere. Remain calm, present the facts, and back them up with some evidence. Ask for what is fair and reasonable, not "she's a bitch so I deserve this". Judges don't care that you called her bad words, they have heard it all before. Right there in their courtroom in fact. Judges don't care what she did to piss you off or how she broke your favorite mug, only what constitutes legal grounds for divorce. Anything that you are claiming, you had better be able to back it up with soemthing you can quickly hand over to the judge (and have a copy for her attorney as well). Having something on tape, or on video or on your computer or back at the house or something that you could pull together with some effort is useless in court.

Assuming you are talking about a cell phone switch your voice mail to http://www.youmail.com then you can just download the voice mail files.

I don't know about transferring texts, but if you can't find a good way to do it, you can always just take a picture of your cell phone with the texts on the screen.

I'm not sure about your provider, but with att you can have them send you print outs of every text that goes thrue any phone on your plan, FWIW

Thanks folks. Not bad on the photo-of-text idea for functionality...thanks!

In reply to pinchvalve. I'm not trying to wiretap [edit: oops...that part was from JohnBrown] and I AM trying to show that I'm the reasonable one. I do keep a journal of all this (it's about 20 pages long right now) and I'm definitely the level headed one of the bunch. I just don't want to not be able to prove it...on the off chance someone challenges the facts.

Basically, my memory isn't so great, and my ability to argue on the fly is crap. However, give me a few minutes to dig through some documentation and I can do just fine. So, If I have the right stuff ready in advance, I should be in better shape.

This whole thing will come down to child custody. She won't let me be with my kids enough and if I fight for it now (before we have a final settlement), it will be traumatic for them. So, it'll have to be dealt with all legal-like.

For the record...I don't watch so much TV so that is in no way swaying my perceptions of how this whole thing will play out.

neon4891 wrote: I'm not sure about your provider, but with att you can have them send you print outs of every text that goes thrue any phone on your plan, FWIW

I didn't realize that and I do have ATT. Treading dangerous ground there. I do NOT want to see her texts to anyone else! I'll just have to draw a line and make sure to ONLY do my texts (from her, specifically).

I'll check into that. Do you know if it's an additional charge?

I know I can go to my bill online and see the phone numbers texts were sent to and from. Didn't know about paper backups though. That will probably be my ultimate out if it is needed.

Thanks! Clem

If you're paying the bill on her phone, it's technically your phone that you let her use. She has no expectation of privacy. Go ahead and read all of her messages.

skruffy wrote: If you're paying the bill on her phone, it's technically your phone that you let her use. She has no expectation of privacy. Go ahead and read all of her messages.

No way! No good can come of that. I've taught myself that before (when getting into her email with the honest intention of getting a phone number I needed). Seriously, it's like cracking the throttle open on two trains that are facing each other at opposite ends of a 10 mile track.

and/or cancel the mofo. Obviously, tell her so ahead of time. Give her a week to get her E36 M3 in order and pull the trigger. Make sure you document this with your lawyer. Do the same for any other shared accounts. If she decides to mess with you by running up huge bills, etc then you have legal backup when it reaches the court that you were trying to be reasonable and she is being batE36 M3 crazy. Oh and that you'd like her to pay you back for the damage she has done and to leave you alone.

For transfering text messages, put your e-mail address as part of an entry for yourself in your contacts on the phone. Then forward the text to yourself at your e-mail.

Pinchvalve is right. Especially in state court (and especially especially here in good-ole-MO) a judge has enormous discretion over the proceedings, ANY proceedings, and generally is going to favor whoever seems more rational and prepared. It can't hurt to have all your evidence ready as a backup, just in case the judge decides to probe deep, but the upshot is that judges are very busy and are going to want as speedy a resolution as possible, so have a binder with all your evidence in it AND a "Cliff's Notes" summary of everything it says up front. Odds are the judge will never get past your methodically prepared table of contents.

OTOH, if you are responding to her provocations, in ANY way, stop now. I realize the fact that you have kids complicates this one enormously, but just try not to respond to her, because she's crazy and may have the same ideas you do with regards to recording your exchanges.

You face a slight uphill battle here with regards to the whole procedings, thanks to your Y chromosome. Divorce court is one of the very few areas of American society where women automatically get a small edge on men, especially when there's custody involved. But if you do like your planning, I think you stand a much better chance of getting the custody situation that YOU want, rather than what she wants or what the judge compromises between the two.

psteav wrote: OTOH, if you are responding to her provocations, in ANY way, stop now. I realize the fact that you have kids complicates this one enormously, but just try not to respond to her, because she's crazy and may have the same ideas you do with regards to recording your exchanges.

Done and Done. I haven't responded to any "crazy texts" because A) I know it won't do any good and B) I know it might hurt me later. So...both of those are different types of bad...oh well.

Anyway yeah. I'll do full documentation and then a bullet point cliff's notes. The Cliff's notes will be to benefit my poor memory, and will double as the judge's (or laywer's) cliff's notes as well.

Thanks folks!

Salanis wrote: For transfering text messages, put your e-mail address as part of an entry for yourself in your contacts on the phone. Then forward the text to yourself at your e-mail.

Sweet! I'm such a luddite. Let me figure this one out. I don't have a "data plan" besides texts. Does a text to an email work like any other text?

Clem

ClemSparks wrote:

Salanis wrote: For transfering text messages, put your e-mail address as part of an entry for yourself in your contacts on the phone. Then forward the text to yourself at your e-mail.

Sweet! I'm such a luddite. Let me figure this one out. I don't have a "data plan" besides texts. Does a text to an email work like any other text? Clem

Essentially. It can depend on the phone. My cell phone won't let me enter letters in the "To" field for the text message. But it will let me enter any contact. So you have to create a contact entry with your e-mail address. Then you can send it to your e-mail.

Then, the text to your e-mail works like any other text.

It works great. Heck yeah!

Edit: well...there's nothing that shows that it actually came from her number. Still...at least a good record for me. I can look into what Neon mentioned for another layer of protection.

Thanks!

You have the phone records, just total up however many times she called to harass you and, highlight it day by day...or week etc.

EX: you have the phone bill and you see her number called you 56 times in 3 days.

It's not about harrassment. It's about the content. That's what I'm documenting. When I pet my dog at her house and get accused of sleeping with the neighbor...I need to be able to show someone that text.

(We live on the same block...I don't expect you to understand...that's just how it is. Kids are involved)

Megaedit: That "pet my dog" was NOT a metaphor or double entendre!

I wouldn't worry about "illegal wiretap". She is fully aware she is being recorded, that is the whole point of voicemail! Wiretapping is about being unaware you are being recorded.

aircooled wrote: I wouldn't worry about "illegal wiretap". She is fully aware she is being recorded, that is the whole point of voicemail! Wiretapping is about being unaware you are being recorded.

I agree with that, though I will discuss it with Mr. Attorney Guy as well.

I think the mean-ass voicemails will help since you can actually hear the tones used to deliver the message. Bone chilling, I tells ya!

aircooled wrote: I wouldn't worry about "illegal wiretap". She is fully aware she is being recorded, that is the whole point of voicemail! Wiretapping is about being unaware you are being recorded.

I was referring to a situation where the gentleman would recieve the calls and turn on a DAR but not tell his soon to be ex.

The dirty of this was I was the stupid sumbit that showed him how to record over his phone line (There was a short time I worked for an electroncs firm in St. Pete that specialized in security devices)

Just to give you some perspective, a friend of mine has been getting divorced for the better part of a decade now. She's taken his kids, illegally, and moved them around with at least a dozen sleazy boyfriends. She's used every sleazy tactic like getting him falsely arrested for domestic violence and blatantly lying in court. He's got everything documented and the last judge called her on her bullE36 M3 after she got caught up in her tangled web of lies. Even so, she keeps the process tied up by playing with paperwork or just not showing up. The system is so biased against men it's unbelievable. There's really nothing he can do without destroying his own case and she knows that.

However, he seems to be hell bent on killing himself with drugs and alcohol, so it kind of evens out I guess.

As long as you still get to see your kids and don't pick up a hardcore drug habit keep in mind it could be much worse.

I'm bringing this one back with a new twist.

She's gotten some advice, apparently, to stop leaving me nutso voicemails, text messages, and emails. That's good.

What's bad is that she'll just call and call and call and call and call and call and call and call and call and call and call and call and call and call and call and call...

until she gets ahold of me. Then she continues with the psycho babble.

Sooooo.

I need to be able to record phone conversations on my cell phone. Is there a device I can purchase that will plug into a cell phone (preferably the one I already have...funds are understandably tight) to record phone conversations? What's a good way to go about this. FYI, I have no landline. I have only a cell phone (though I did manage to snag a particularly vicious snippet of conversation on my desk phone at work today).

And I DID check with my lawyer. I can record conversations without telling her I'm doing it. However, I DID give her notice a week or so back that I will/may be recording phone conversations at any time (mostly wishful thinking/bluffing).

This is just in case things go bad/worse in the future and I need to show some proof. I don't think I'll actually end up needing to or getting to use any of these conversations. But she's going to lie in the future and I want recorded proof in her own voice to show she's a liar (funny, I originally typed lawyer...lol), as well as a few other adjectives and nouns. From the horses mouth, so to speak.

Clem

Radio Shack and similar places sell (or at least used to sell) little devices that suction-cup a microphone onto a handset. The microphone has a wire out of it ending in a standard 1/8" plug, which you plug into the recording device. Reporters use them quite a bit, or at least did, when I was still a daily reporter.

I dunno if they'll work with cell phones, but I don't really see why they wouldn't.