Oy.

My neighbor has a wife with kids from a previous marriage, three are fine, the 20 year old girl is a PITA with a heroin fetish. She left this summer to live with Dad in Florida; she's back.

How do you know?

Well the rear window of the garage is broken and Mom's mustang is missing. They didn't call the cops, just gave her 10 minutes to get it back.

Bad Juju #2:

My next door neighbor is a widow in her 80s with a 40+ year old boy/man. He has seven children sprinkled throughout the county but only custody of two. He has not worked that I know of since I bought my house when he was 14. He went in the Navy but washed out in five months, we don't know what's wrong but don't want to fix it; go away.

New Years Eve Trish and I did our usual take out Chinese and a coupla movies when about 8:30 a laser beam light flashes through the house just as the phone rings; it's the woman next door. The laser beam was a cop car spot light. She claims there's someone in her house.

I went to the garage and got my bright LED flashlight and went next door arriving right behind the cops. Cops talk to her in the kitchen, she's shaking and crying, I see a squirrel on the mantle in the living room. "Hey guys, it's a squirrel."

We corralled it out the front door and made jokes about hoping this is the most difficlut call all night. She had me go through every room and closet in the house, also the basement.

Here's where the GRM commons sense brain trust comes in:

This woman really wants a family unit, grand kids and turkey at Thanksgiving. She won't get it from this idiot son, period. Trish brought her cookies Christmas Eve and found her crying at the kitchen table waiting for a turkey to cook. She's pissed that she's doing all this for people that flop around on the couch all day and don't appreciate anything.

Trish stayed and talked to her for a while after I left. She's got problems. Two grandkids, a boy 13 (almost 6' tall) and a girl 9 or 10.

I feel bad for the boy because he never smiles, recently he's taken to cutting himself.

I never felt bad for the girl because Grandma dotes on her and she can do no wrong. Now I learn that the girl curses out Grandma on the phone and has hit her. She's frikkin' 9! The son calls begging for money and Grandma says something like get a job so he threatens to commit suicide and she knuckles.

This woman has a very nice home, but because she works six days a week to support this trailer trash, it's a mess. She's emotionally beat down and headed to a nervous break down. Her brain is spinning and she can't focus due to the stress.

It's really none of my business, but I do know the son is there when she's not home. I also know she has a dead bolt on her bedroom door to people out, locked from the outside. I know she keeps her "good" jewelry hidden and when a crack dealer dragged this POS home all beat up because he couldn't pay, Grandma whipped out six one hundred dollar bills. So I know she keeps cash around.

Again, none of my business.

How would you proceed?

Sadly, you have to let it ride. Sucks, but it's not something you should get in the middle of unless she asks for help. Be a compassionate neighbor and leave it at that.

+1 Be there for her on her terms but dont get in the middle. Both sides can/ will turn against you, the outsider, that wants to get in the middle of family bidness. If it gets bad call the cops and your state or county version of family services. That is what they are trained for.

Rereading your original post, The neighbor is in her 80's? Definately call family services. She probably needs the help to get the freeloaders off her back. Also if drugs are involved when the cops find them you will wind up with new neighbors after the auction of her home after the cops sieze it in the raid.

It sounds like you need to cleanse your neighborhood. Do you know where you can buy sodium cyanide anonymously?

As a matter of fact ......

Unregistered rifle, good scope, watch tower, bait....

there's only 2 reasons things change from these kinds of cycles in my (admittedly young) experience:

1: trauma greater than the status quo or 2: the overall price to continue is greater than any price to change.

2 only works if theres any rational thought left happening in the situation, because it means you have to externalise what happening to you...

Lately, I've been encountering a TON of people who had no reason whatsoever to proceed w/their pregnancies.

I mean, if you're going to sentence your kid(s) to 18+ years of struggle, neglect, misery and negativity, maybe you don't NEED to have the kid.

I don't want to start the E36 M3storm of the abortion debate, but damn, it's inhumane to subject kids to these kinds of lives.

I dunno...

My proposed solution might prevent me from discussing it in public.

That said, I'm sure the nice old lady loves them all, regardless of their shortcomings. She's 80ish? Eventually (maybe soon) they'll have to fend for themselves. It's a shame, no matter how you slice it.

Do what you can to keep her safe, but not much else you can do for here, make sure she knows she has an option for refuge.

Bad situation but if she doesn't put a stop to it, you can't

porksboy wrote: +1 Be there for her on her terms but dont get in the middle. Both sides can/ will turn against you, the outsider, that wants to get in the middle of family bidness. If it gets bad call the cops and your state or county version of family services. That is what they are trained for. Rereading your original post, The neighbor is in her 80's? Definately call family services. She probably needs the help to get the freeloaders off her back. Also if drugs are involved when the cops find them you will wind up with new neighbors after the auction of her home after the cops sieze it in the raid.

Ding.. Let the professionals deal with it.

It's too bad for the woman, but unfortunately it's partly her problem as well...she's let her son walk all over her for all his life, and he knows he can get away with it. I've seen the same sort of thing...one of my sisters is in a similar situation; fortunately her kid isn't anywhere near as bad as this loser, but it's still aggravating.

Mind your own business.

Doing anything to help will be nothing but an exercise in frustration.

Things are that way because she wants them that way.

Ask her how she thinks the spawn will fare once she has gone on to her great reward may give her pause enough to consider changes while she is still here (and leave all proceeds of the estate to the local animal shelter/soup kitchen ?)

Anyhow, this is another abuse thread where it hurts to watch from the sidelines.....

Disagree with zomby. I'll say she doesn't want it that way but it is what it is. It's too late for her to change things, except (as chebbie says) to write them out of the will.

But you do need to MYOB even though it has got to hurt. You get into it, no telling what the man/boy might do if he thinks you are cutting off his gravy train. Also, any cop will tell you in a domestic call if you get between the two parties be ready for BOTH of them to turn on you. You and Trish don't need that.

Poor old lady should have found an enabler's program years ago.

I agree Lesley, she even used the word Enabler. I learned last night she is going to Florida to hang out with her two widowed sisters (that's where they all end up isn't it?) a one-way ticket so she can stay as long as necessary. Trish will get the keys to her house so the evil spawn can't get in, but also to give access to electrical - gas workers in case of emergency.

I hope she gets help, talks to a priest or someone. She's terribly stressed.

Thanks for the help guys, I'm out of it.

If a real nice home built in the 20s in upstate NY come to market do you want to be alerted? Nice place, it's the neighbors .....

Thanx again, Dan

914Driver wrote: If a real nice home built in the 20s in upstate NY come to market do you want to be alerted? Nice place, it's the neighbors .....

I hear there is some guy next door with all kinds of old junk cars and tractors laying around

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote:

914Driver wrote: If a real nice home built in the 20s in upstate NY come to market do you want to be alerted? Nice place, it's the neighbors .....

I hear there is some guy next door with all kinds of old junk cars and tractors laying around

Who is all up in your family business.

914Driver wrote: My next door neighbor is a widow in her 80s with a 40+ year old boy/man. He has seven children sprinkled throughout the county but only custody of two. He has not worked that I know of since I bought my house when he was 14. He went in the Navy but washed out in five months, we don't know what's wrong but don't want to fix it; go away. New Years Eve Trish and I did our usual take out Chinese and a coupla movies when about 8:30 a laser beam light flashes through the house just as the phone rings; it's the woman next door. The laser beam was a cop car spot light. She claims there's someone in her house. I went to the garage and got my bright LED flashlight and went next door arriving right behind the cops. Cops talk to her in the kitchen, she's shaking and crying, I see a squirrel on the mantle in the living room. "Hey guys, it's a squirrel." We corralled it out the front door and made jokes about hoping this is the most difficlut call all night. She had me go through every room and closet in the house, also the basement. Here's where the GRM commons sense brain trust comes in: This woman really wants a family unit, grand kids and turkey at Thanksgiving. She won't get it from this idiot son, period. Trish brought her cookies Christmas Eve and found her crying at the kitchen table waiting for a turkey to cook. She's pissed that she's doing all this for people that flop around on the couch all day and don't appreciate anything. Trish stayed and talked to her for a while after I left. She's got problems. Two grandkids, a boy 13 (almost 6' tall) and a girl 9 or 10. I feel bad for the boy because he never smiles, recently he's taken to cutting himself. I never felt bad for the girl because Grandma dotes on her and she can do no wrong. Now I learn that the girl curses out Grandma on the phone and has hit her. She's frikkin' 9! The son calls begging for money and Grandma says something like get a job so he threatens to commit suicide and she knuckles. This woman has a very nice home, but because she works six days a week to support this trailer trash, it's a mess. She's emotionally beat down and headed to a nervous break down. Her brain is spinning and she can't focus due to the stress. It's really none of my business, but I do know the son is there when she's not home. I also know she has a dead bolt on her bedroom door to people out, locked from the outside. I know she keeps her "good" jewelry hidden and when a crack dealer dragged this POS home all beat up because he couldn't pay, Grandma whipped out six one hundred dollar bills. So I know she keeps cash around. Again, none of my business. How would you proceed?

Can you say "enabler"?

Recommend to her a good therapist and encourage her to go. While you can give her comfort and emotional support, she really needs assistance from a professional to make the major life changes it will take to break this cycle.

If she's headed out, tell her to enjoy florida.

^^awesome.^^

Unfortunately, too true.

Margie

The 40+ year old waste of oxygen son will end up like my uncle (adopted thank goodness, no blood connection). Once my enabler grandmother died he lost everything. Last I heard he was in jail, grandma's house was foreclosed/sold, and he had blown $20k in life insurance money in less than a year.

Call family services for the kids' sake. Then wait for nature to take course.

Exacatacly Slefain!

This 40+ year old's aunt died with no will, he being the closest male heir got $100,000; pissed it away in a year. I haven't seen him around lately, wifey says it's because he got $9000 from someone running into his trailer, he'll be back when it's gone.

Both kiddies are in a psychiatric center weekends, nights, I don't know; but they go.

Go hug/discipline your kids.

Dan