How do I help my alcoholic friend

In reply to Steve_Jones :

I'm sure you had long before come to terms with it, but sorry for your loss, Steve.

Sorry to hear that Steve. ☹️

In reply to Duke :

I appreciate it, and yes about 40 years to watch it unfold, but typing it out sucks. He was ok with it, so I can't judge him. I will never understand it, but came to accept it a long, long time ago. 

Sorry to hear that Steve. That reminds me of my uncle. He got a DUI, and around 30-35 was put in the hospital. Doctors dried him out, kept him in rehab, and said they'd know in about 2 weeks if he was going to live for less than 2 months or if his liver could recover. He's about 40 years sober now, except that he's a stoner - I remember being shocked when I found out that the country club member, successful business owner, athletic guy had been partaking most of my life. 
 

My ramblings: you're not going to be able to help someone who doesn't want help. And even if they do want help, they may be unable to accept it.
 

My brother is also an alcoholic. Been through AA and rehab a few times. I think he's been sober for a about 90% of the last 4 years, but there have been at least 2 relapses. The amount of empty fifths under his bed when I first found them sure was a defeating feeling. At least he seems committed to the sobriety even with slipups. 
 

My other brother, I'm more worried about. One of his best friends drank himself to death about a year ago. Not fun at 35. My brother has other issues, I'm hoping he starts a GLP-1 soon, which are proving to be somewhat miraculous for many addictions. 
 

Myself, I don't know what I'd call my relationship. I really love good beer. I try to find beer that is the lowest alcohol while still being delicious, partially because I hate hangovers, partially because I want to drink more beer. I'll often drink 6 in a night without realizing it. Then I'll go 4 months without a drop of alcohol, not because it's a conscious decision but I just don't want any. But my issue is that I'm seemingly always binging on something. Beer, weed, food, phone/internet, my comfort books... I can drop any of them when I need to (haven't had any weed in over a year) but I seemingly always need one of them. I guess that's a long way of saying depression sucks and I wish finding a depression/anxiety/adhd med that worked was easier for me. 

mtn said:

I guess that's a long way of saying depression sucks and I wish finding a depression/anxiety/adhd med that worked was easier for me. 

A-men to that, been on that journey for the last 2 years. 

Its funny, I am finding more moderation with by drinking by going over to a good scotch.  When I am drinking, I want it to be special. Beer hasnt quite been doing that for me and my tolerance level is down where 1 IPA has a noticeable effect on me. For wine, there is that pressure to finish a bottle before it goes off. Therefore, I have been going to good scotch. I can have a small scotch, it has enough flavor that a few minutes between small sips does it, and there isnt "finish it before it goes off" pressure. 

That aside, yeah, my life has been a series of barely controlling myself from what I call "Mr. Toad's wild ride", or at least keeping myself on one fixation (been on cars for about 28 years now)

First I will tell you about myself, then about my old man, then what I believe about addicts.

In my early twenties i was a classic binge drinker.  Rarely 1 or 2, often 4-5-6.  By the definition I like, what it is to be an alcoholic.  If drinking brings out you inner A-hole, you are alcoholic.  That describes me pretty well.  In probably 1978 I stopped drinking for 10 months.  Since then, with only a very few exceptions, I am able to drink in moderation.  Today, at age 70, with respect to alcohol, I am not a light-weight.  I am a feather-weight.  1 glass of Chardonnay and my feet don´t quite reach the ground.

My old man drank every day.  He had 4-stages.  1) had a few.  2) drunk, but not too bad to be around.  3) really drunk, beware.  4) Oh S**t.  He physically abused my mother, several times that I know of.  Once, my b-i-l hit him on the jaw, knocking him down.  Once at the dinner table, he raised his hand to strike her.  16 year old me responded ¨be the last thing you ever do¨.  I expect he believed me, he lowered his hand.  I swear yo you all, I would have killed him.

Most addicts, whether it is drugs, alcohol, name another, do not change until they, themselves come to ´time for change¨.  Many bottom out before that happens.  I probably spent a dozen years of my young life ¨just convinced¨ there must be something I can do to ¨reach my old man¨ and get him help to beat alcohol.  Wrong, Wrong, Wrong.