How in the hell do people succeed?... Am I just terrible at Life?

In reply to WonkoTheSane :

I think you nailed what I would deem to be the attributes of a successful person: Enough to comfortably retire in 20 years, A house that fits the family, a reliably vehicle that's not indicating some very expensive failures are on the horizon after less than two months of ownership (no extended warranty, it's on me) and, to be financially robust enough to help my kids pay for college. 


Some people say college is not necessary but, I wholeheartedly disagree. I know what I've gone through in my working life and I want none of that for my kids. 

Cool. Now that you've written down your goals.  Come up with a plan to achieve.  Slowly.  Patiently. Methodically 

The_Jed said:

Some people say college is not necessary but, I wholeheartedly disagree. I know what I've gone through in my working life and I want none of that for my kids. 

I think this depends a lot on the individual, some do well with it, some are indifferent, some would be better off without it.  But I agree with the goal of being prepared for it.

In reply to The_Jed :

To clarify...

I didn't mean to say college is unnecessary.  That's a personal decision. 
 

I meant to say that you don't need to be the one to PAY for it.

There are a LOT of ways that students can pay for their own college education.  Grants, scholarships, student loans, etc, etc.  Students have many more resources than they realize- parents are not obligated to be their bank (that's the easy route, but not in any way the only route).

I have 5 kids- all of them went to college.  Combined expense was probably about $300K.  I paid very little of that- perhaps $10K total combined.

A student who can keep their grades up and becomes active on the campus increases greatly their odds of scholarships, etc.

Is there someone you trust enough and is not judgemental that you would feel comfortable discussing this with? Maybe a brief weekly meeting to discuss where you are on the path to financial stability and to offer you support.

You sound a bit depressed (I'm not a medical professional, just experienced with depression). Find someone to talk with that will provide a distraction to your circumstances. This could be the same person as above.

Now you can down vote this next part, but a contribution to a church can really help.  If you are a Bible believing person you are instructed to do so. A lot do and a lot don't.  Your choice. It works for me. 

Set aside a portion (10%) to pay yourself first in a separate account or under your mattress. 

Use the dollar bill savings plan. It works. 

Best of luck with this. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. 

IMHO, Charity needs to start at home.  Once you get the means to make sure that you are safe and healthy, then it can extend out.  It shouldn't be a choice between charity and a safe, solid house; your kids education; means to get around that is safe and solid.  

And I kind of doubt that most churches will pressure you into giving them money when you need spiritual fulfillment but barely have the means to cover your own bills.  Are churches pay for pray these days?

In reply to alfadriver :

Charity does begin at home, hence my other comments. Do or don't. Up to the OP to decide. 

I think it's worth remembering that not everyone that shares information about themselves here is going to go into every challenge and set back for the world to know about in full detail.  I am typing this effectively one handed due to a garage accident last Friday involving my left thumb, a table saw, and a trip to the ER.  I wouldn't have shared this at all except that I think it's good to know that not everyone shares the screw ups.  And I'll be fine, the thumb will live, it's just under wraps post surgery for the time being.

One thing that has helped me is 'flying solo' which means I don't have an ex or kids and everything has been easier to control.  But it gets lonely.  It sounds like you're working hard on being a good dad and that's awesome stuff.    Maybe, and if this isn't accurate you can ignore this bit, but it sounds like you are trying to do as much as you can on your own.  Some help from your networks, like what John suggested with a GRM Borg van rebuild thrash, is the kind of thing I would have a terrible thing asking people to do for me.  And it seems like it would help you a ton right now.  You'll pay it back when you can.

I honestly find this group really impressive to the point of being intimidating at times.  Try to enjoy the help and laughs and don't let the comparisons get to you.

In reply to The_Jed :

No worries man, I'm sending good vibes your way.

If you're good at wrenching on stuff, can you do it from your home? Maybe a garage or carport?

I never thought people would bother to have someone else fix their riding mowers, snowmobiles, dirt bikes, etc. Now I'm charging $100/hr to do it for people who can't be bothered or can't do it themselves. 

Lawn and garden stuff doesn't need much for tools.

What about moving to NC and working for Toyman?

Though I can assume kids complicate that situation.

RE: Rich Dad Poor Dad, I'll sum up the only useful advice in the book right here:  Make your money work for you.  Avoid reading the book unless you want a good laugh at how completely out of touch with reality some scammy rich dude can be (and even then there are plenty of modern examples).

That said, the advice is not really applicable in this situation.  Advice on how to properly save or invest does someone who does not have the excess income to save or invest no good :(

The only advice I can offer is: 

1) Accept the help.  Whether it be from friends, community, or GRM, they are essentially filling the role of supportive family you may not have.

2) If you are in a dead town, figure out a way to get out, ASAP.  I saw that hinted at by others, and that's probably the biggest opportunity on the table right now.  It doesn't mean go move to downtown DC or something, but whats the nearest small/medium city that will have job opportunities on the table with real pay and a cost of living that's reasonable?

3) Regarding college, paying for your kids school is a noble goal, but it certainly sounds like given your current situation, its not really on the table.  Investigate other routes to pay/help them.  The most helpful thing you can do though is probably to establish your household/transportation/etc. as rock solid so they dont have any of that worry on their mind on top of their schoolwork.

How did I "succeed" at life?  I was dealt the right cards.  Grew up in a financially stable family, went to school, got a good job.  Made plenty of mistakes along the way, but with a financially stable family to fall back on in an emergency it allowed me to be more risky, dumb, etc.  I didn't figure out how to properly save/invest until age 30, but I hadn't made any major life mistakes prior to that would have really set me back.  Even then, as mentioned earlier, "success" is in the eye of the beholder.  

In what world is "give money you don't have to people that don't need it" considered good advice? Just Wow. 
 

The best thing I ever did was leave the place with no opportunity for someplace else. That's not easy at all, but realistically the best thing you can do, if you can.