How to house a homeless friend

mtn (Forum Supporter) said:

You're never going to solve it. It does need to be improved. You can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink. But right now, in this country, due to health insurance pre-approvals or lack of coverage or outright cost, you might find that the water has a fence around it and the gate takes months of red tape to open, or what is often an impossible amount of money to open, or something else. A horse may or may not drink water if you bring it to the water, but if the water isn't there or is impossible to get to, it will not drink water. 

And while this is anecdotal, I say this as someone who has "good" health insurance who had to find a partial hospitalization program for my wife, figure out what we could afford AFTER hitting our deductible, having to change therapists 3 times because the only ones in network were all overbooked... Suffice to say, when it came time for my brother to go into a rehab facility for his alcoholism, my wife and I sat down with my mom and dad to look at his insurance (brothers fiance was staying with my brother), consulted with his doctor and their billing staff, and we figured out that the quickest, most affordable way to get it completed was to take him to the emergency room to then get admitted as a psychiatric risk to then get transferred to the rehab facility. 

That should not ever be a thing. It should not take 4 people with 6 college degrees between them - 3 of them medical degrees and 2 of the people still working at a berkeleying hospital - 4 hours and consultation with numerous professionals to figure out how the hell to get treatment, to find out that instead of going to the source of the treatment, you have to go through 2 pointless steps to get there first. That is just asinine. Oh, and if my parents hadn't been handling the finances, my brother would have had to declare bankruptcy. 

Quoted for emphasis as it closely matches the experiences I have had first hand trying to find help for family members.   The current system seems to be designed around two ends of the spectrum:  Extreme cost boutique treatment, or what seem like half-scam billing mills feeding off of court ordered treatment for people who have already fallen out of society's bottom (also at extreme cost).  It's extremely distressing for everyone involved.  

Tiffany found a friend who took her in shortly after I last updated this.

That friend, otherwise a stranger to me, contacted me last night. Tiffany committed suicide Tuesday.

I have only read your last post. I am very sorry for your loss. 

I have been through this before with a good friend of mine and know its not easy. If you need an ear let me know. 

So sorry for your loss Tuna

I'm sorry for you, her family and friends, and her.  Mental health is a bitch.

Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss.  You are a wonderful person who did everything you could to help your fellow man. 

There was lots of discussion about mental health in this thread.  I don't know how you're taking this since you hadn't spoken with her in some time, but keep in mind that you may need some counseling/someone to talk to to help you through this.

-Rob

In reply to tuna55 :

This thread started 6.5 yrs ago.  You were a big part of making those 6.5 years happen. Don't miss that 

I'm not advocating for the big-S, but her pain and her struggle are over now.  I'm sure those were not 6.5 easy years for her.  Heck, they have been complex years for all of us.   

I can now only hope that it is better for her on "the other side."  Prayers!  

Sorry to hear the news, Tuna. We know that you tried to help. 

Just read this from start to finish, and I just must say that your efforts and attempts did not go unnoticed.  It's a terrible situation, and I'm very sorry for your and your family's loss. 

In reply to tuna55 :

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know you tried your best for her.

Wow, I remember following this  thread while it was in process. John has a great point, those 6.5 years are possibly due to your help.

I'm very sorry for your loss Tuna!

In reply to tuna55 :

Suicide is awful to have to endure. I am deeply sorry for your loss, and deeply thankful for the ways in which you have invested into others (including me)

So sorry Tuna. I've dealt with a lot of mental heath issues but thankfully I haven't had to deal with anything on this magnitude. I agree with the others. You did a lot to help this person out and you should feel good about that.

My condolences, Tuna.

Ouch, sorry man. I was ripping through this thread, getting back up to speed and when I read your last post it was like hitting a brick wall. Everything stopped for a minute, my breathing, heart, mind, everything. And I didn't even know her. Sorry for your loss. Like someone else said, seek counseling. Clearly this woman meant something to you. You have suffered a loss. Sometimes we need help navigating waters we weren't created to navigate. 

Thanks, all.

To be theological, if you'll permit me, this is difficult. I serve as an ordained deacon. This means that I serve the mercy ministry of the church. Since the text says that Jesus came to deacon the church (among other things, obviously), this is a tall order. I cannot make the lame walk, the blind see, or raise the dead, or any one of the other nearly countless miracles recorded. Most of the time what I do turns out to be a miserable failure. I know that this is the labor I have been called to do, but it can be very discouraging.

Biut also:

When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,[a] you did it to me.’

All that to say, I appreciate you all reminding me that I tried. I hadn't even remembered half of it until reading this again. 

Thus ends my theological detour.

I had a talk with the woman who took her in this morning, for about an hour and a half. She was loved right up until the end.

All you can do is try your best to help, and you did. There is nothing else you could have done, and nothing to second guess. Take solace in that, and remember the good times. 

Was reading from the start before I realized how old the thread was. Then skipped to the end.

So sorry to hear how this ended. 

Pete

In reply to tuna55 :

... berkeley

I'm sorry, man 

You are in our thoughts and prayers in this time of mourning. 
 

I'm sorry for your loss, Tuna.  I remember Tiffany first from your XJ adventures, and then this thread.  I know you made an impact on her life not just from your actions, but by showing her you cared. I think it's more important for people to know that someone cares for them.  I tend to view things through the lens of were my actions a success or not, not realizing that the act of helping and showing I cared was far more important than any of the individual actions I took.  Walking alongside someone as they're struggling can give them hope, and lighten their burdens.  You did that for Tiffany, and should be proud of the friend you were to her.

I appreciate the character and humility you've shown, and the way you've served others through your work both through and outside the church.