How to take a car away from the elderly

Like the title said, how do you take away the keys from someone who has been driving since 1938?

My great aunt is 85 and no longer fit to drive. But she thinks she is. The big problem is that she never married, worked in the public health service, owns 4 houses in two states, has lived in at least 7 states, was a world traveler... Basically, she's the most stubborn independent person I know. She won't take any suggestions from my mother or any of her siblings or cousins, rarely takes advice from my dad, and occasionally takes them from me or my brothers (which drives everybody else crazy) but she will not take this one. And anyways, other than my cousin who has 5 kids, we are the only relatives within four hours of her.

So how do we take away the keys? I know she will probably fail her driving test, but that won't be until February.

Or, alternatively, how do we disable the car so she can't drive it? My initial thought is to go to her [retirement] home and drain the battery overnight, then disconnect it the next morning, but that would stop her for about an hour--this is the woman who taught me how to roll-start a car. Any simple way to do something like this in a 98 Buick Park Ave?

I could not stop from laughing after the last paragraph, even knowing how unfortunate the situation is. I'm almost to that point with my grandmother.

Unfortunatly, my suggestion is only to talk with her about it. My grandma knows my love for cars, as your aunt does. Because of this she know my understanding of cars and drivers. It will probably offend her, no matter how delicately you bring it up, but even if she dismisses your opinion she will still think about it. And just maybe, she will consider it.

Bring up why. Solid facts. Has she been in accidents? Her medical conditions or medications? Etc.. Anything to back up 'your opinion.'

Hanging up the keys is going to be one of the hardest parts of life. You're not officially "old" until they take your license away - the last vestige of freedom is your driver's license. No idea how to do this gracefully. I'm going to have my kids take me behind the barn and shoot me when the time comes.

My buddies dad is 92 and just passed his drivers test.

Apparently he's no more dangerous than he was ten years ago.

Maybe sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her. She sounds like a pretty intelligent person, she might see it your way. Probably not right away though.

Shawn

Umm, don't count on her failing the test. You don't even have to parallel park anymore.

If you really want to disable the car, let the air out of the tires. There aren't any compressors at a retirement home.

Present options to her. Don't just take the car and leave her stranded. There might be a senior bus service in your area or a taxi service for seniors.

if she cannot drive, youre closer and more available, YOU will be driving her everywhere. Depending on how much you like spending time with said aunt, that may or may not be a bad thing.

Although, driving miss daisy is certainly better than the alternative ...people (herself or others) may end up hurt or worse if she continues to drive. Maybe its time to take one for the team so to speak. I DREAD when the time comes for m folks...sheeesh

It's not losing the car shes concerned with, its loosing her independence, which she equates with having the car available. if shes already in a retirement home, she probably views it as her last vestige of freedom. She wont give that up until shes convinced there are viable alternatives and comfortable with those alternatives. cant really blame her, getting old is tough, but perhaps you can make a deal with her like not driving alone to start, get her to at least try the alternatives. make sure she knows shes not being punished for getting old in a heart to heart, and there is great concern, people worry about her, etc.. but make it her decision if possible...

The best way is to get a doctor to report her to the state. Failing that, we had to convince my grandmother that her car required too much $$ in repairs to pass inspection (not hard to do when it's a '66 T-Bird) and she couldn't afford a replacement...or at least believed she couldn't.

OTOH, my wife's grandfather drove until he was about 92 and all but the last year or two he was actually decent to ride with.

You might also want to help her envision life without the car by exploring some of the other options with her. Does the retirement home provide any transportation? And does she use it? If not, you might arrange an outing with her where it's "easier" to hop on their bus--either her alone or the two of you, if they allow it. Similarly, are you available to help her get around? If so, demonstrate it now. Change is not as scary when you're not leaping into the unknown.

Margie

Steal the keys and convince her that she "misplaced" them. Hide them someplace weird-like in the refrigerator- and then "find" them. She'll think that she's becoming forgetful. Failing that, break her leg. It should be easy, old bones are usually pretty brittle.

If she spent her career in the public health service, she might be responsive to the "danger to the public" approach. Something along the lines of "Just as it's the responsible thing to get vaccinated, wash your hands a lot during flu season, not smoke near babies, not drive drunk, etc., it's also the responsible thing to stop driving when your eyesight and reaction times just aren't good enough any more."

My other thought was, could you put her on some sort of driving simulator, or even video game, and let her see for herself that she's slipping behind younger people's skill levels? She sounds like somebody who can understand empirical data. Sometimes you can win stubborn people over with facts if you keep emotions out of it.

My Father simply told his dad (94 at the time) that he was unable to drive safely any more.Sold the car, and let him stay at their house in TN for as long as he wanted.

He was honest, and blunt. Tough to do, but had to be done.

First and foremost make sure that nothing can be done to make her safe. Is it time for new glasses? If medications are causing trouble, can they be switched. A trip to her doctor is in order, and if it's OK with her, you should tag along. She might be able to drive safely with some modifications.

If not, then I think then I think Dave is right and you need the doctor who just worked her up and determined she can't drive to step in. And you also need to provide her with options as suggested above.

Getting old sucks!

mtn wrote: My great aunt is 85 and no longer fit to drive.

What makes her not fit to drive? Hell, I've got a blonde sister who hasn't been fit to drive since she got her license!

Whatever you decide to do, do it ASAP. Many years ago my 84 year old grandmother went to renew her licence & was able to take the vison test 4 times to pass. She could not see! The state passed her anyway. My mother disconected the battery in her car. After a week or so she got over it. You could also remove the fuel injection or ignition fuses.

This happend a week ago two blocks away from my sons bus stop. This is very sad for all involved.

http://mdjonline.com/pages/full_story/push?article-Woman-+82-+to+face+vehicular+homicide+in+bus+stop+tragedy%20&id=5094740-Woman-+82-+to+face+vehicular+homicide+in+bus+stop+tragedy

This happen to me too, fortunately I found a retirement home for him in a small suburban town close to a supermarket and a railroad station that can either go to the city or the airport, so no loss of freedom.

My parents are in their 80s (my father just turned 88 and my mom 83) and my mother is worried that my father will soon find it physically impossible to drive as she is almost to the same point.

I have no qualms about riding with either parent at the wheel, except my father ALWAYS drives at about 10 over (yet never gets a ticket) and my mother always has me drive when it's the 2 of us (I'm not sure if she is afraid I might see how bad her driving is, or not).

Incredibly, my father recently bought a late model Ranger with 4WD and a MANUAL transmission. That was all he could find in a regular cab/4WD combo. I think the strain of "rowing the gears" himself, will prompt my father to give up his keys before things get too serious....I hope.

She works public service.... maybe suggest that she donate her car to a family that needs it when you suggest she stop driving?

Fortunately no one was hurt, but my miata was hit by a woman who shouldn't still be driving, and her doctor new she was having blackouts. The state didn't do crap. We had to talk to my grandmother about the fact that someone else could be hurt, or killed, and that convinced her to stop.

Joey

My Great Grandmother stopped driving at 88 when my grand mother and great aunt convinced her to stop driving her 61 comet.

A year later she got taken off her bicycle while on the way to square dancing by a guy ten years younger than her who should NOT have been driving.

You have to convince her verbally, but present options, as the loss of independence will suck. Disabling the car is not the correct route.

If all else fails, can you ask to borrow her car as yours in going into the shop for extended period. That way she perceives she is helping you out?

If you really want to shut it down, remove the distributor! Doesn't take long, safe and easily reversible, and if it's an old car it's very difficult to replace.

Invite her to an auto-x?