If she is living in an assisted care facility then having a car is definately a status thing. It's definately a rite of passage into being "old". I wouldn't force her, but sit down and talk one on one about her driving. Let her make the decision.
If she is living in an assisted care facility then having a car is definately a status thing. It's definately a rite of passage into being "old". I wouldn't force her, but sit down and talk one on one about her driving. Let her make the decision.
EastCoastMojo wrote: Let her make the decision.
+1 on getting her Dr. involved. This was done with my Grandfather at about 90. Can you find somewhere close to you where she would enjoy living so you can help more? My father has all but stopped driving voluntairily at 78. He will drive himself and his dog to the hardware store or Horible Freight. He does very well, he just isnt into it any more. He never drives at night. After cataract surgery he sees the halos at night. Mom still drives very well at 78. She drove a school bus for 25 years. She drives when they go somewhere together. Whe n there is a family event I drive them in their car. My wife and Ilive next door to them so when the time comes that is our option. I am very fortunate that my Saint of a wife gets along well with them both. By the time they need drivers my daughter should be old enough to help also.
Thanks for all the replies. We've given half assed attempts at a lot of this stuff. I thought for sure the doctor thing would work, but as a nurse she thinks that she can diagnose herself better than anyone else, and that most doctors are "just guessing" anyways. Bringing up why might not help either. For example, when we told her she needed to move out of her house with the stairs because she was going to fall (I believe she had and just wasn't telling us), she simply said "well, i'm very careful". Nevermind the fact that she doesn't hardly have enough strength to walk, let alone climb stairs.
gjz30075 wrote:mtn wrote: My great aunt is 85 and no longer fit to drive.What makes her not fit to drive? Hell, I've got a blonde sister who hasn't been fit to drive since she got her license!
The fact that her reaction time is awful. If she needed to slam on the breaks, she physically does not have the strength or agility to move her foot from one pedal to the other.
We don't leave her stranded. During the summer and winter breaks, she knows that my brothers and I would be over there in a heartbeat to tuck her into bed if she wanted that. During the school year my mom can always without a doubt make arrangements to be there when she needs to be. We are only 15 minutes away, 35 in traffic. And the home, actually a retirement community village type deal, has a shuttle to the grocery.
I'm thinking about removing the spark plugs. Its a new enough car she wouldn't know what to do about them, i.e. how to replace them.
This is really depressing when I consider one of my earliest memories in life was riding from Chicago to Kentucky in her Buick Roadmaster and getting pulled over no less than 3 times. And she showed no less than 3 valid-state issued licenses from two states. Don't ask me how she did that one.
Disabling the car = bad feelings once she finds out what's up. Just be honest, let her know how much influence she has had on you throughout your life and that this is a very hard thing to have to face but the consequences may be worse. I think if she realizes what an impact she has had on you, she will see that you are not trying to take away her freedom and independance, but looking out for her welfare as well as the welfare of others.
No one likes to face a reality that is different from the one in our heads. Be paitent with her and let her know no one thinks she is incapable. Listen and be prepared for her to be stubborn about it, but don't stray from a calm, levelheaded discussion. Show her you respect her for all she has been to you in your life, and that you understand and admire her independance.
Tommy Suddard wrote: If you really want to disable the car, let the air out of the tires. There aren't any compressors at a retirement home.
Do you think all those people are breathing on there own?
First let me reiterate that the choice has to be hers. Anything else will only bring hard feelings.
We are going thru this with my wife's 94 year old aunt and her 1963 Buick (maybe Buicks are to blame?). There is nothing wrong with her driving other than the fact that she is slowing down ( reaction time, speed,etc.)
We have convinced her to severely limit her drivng so far. She only drives to the grocery (2 blocks), and the doctors (4 blocks). For any other trips she drives to our house (4 blocks) and one of us then drives her in her car to wherever she needs to go. We have tried to convince her to quit altogether but so far have had no luck. She has 3 other nieces who live as close as we do so there will always be someone to take her where and when she wants but that doesn't matter to her.
I think we have a situation where the car will quit before she does.
This is a difficult situation, we are almost there also. The loss of independence is harder than the mobility issues.
I think the autocross is an excellent idea. She does in the top half for times she keeps the license, bottom half and loses it. I'd shag cones to watch that.
I have a client who just had a doc eval her dad for the same reason. The doc told her one thing that helps is having it be temporary condition. For example the doc may phrase it like this :"Your strength is currently to low for you to properly operate your vehicle. Perhaps with some therapy you will be able to operate your vehicle again in the future."
Another thing to consider, maybe next time you guys are there you can take advantage of other methods of transportation with her to get used to the idea. You can hire a lot of taxis, private cars, etc... for the cost of insuring, gassing, buying, and maintaining a vehicle. If you already manage her money you could set up a credit card number with the taxi company where all she has to do is call and when the cab comes the fare and tip are already taken care of. She can even be the hero of the home if she has all the mobility in the world and can bring friends along.
Tommy Suddard wrote: If you really want to disable the car, let the air out of the tires. There aren't any compressors at a retirement home.
But there WILL be at the GRM Old Folks Home and Motorsports Park...
I delt with this about 10 years ago. My grandmother ended up not being able to get insurance after having 3 accidents in 3 months. The last one was when she backed out of the driveway and hit the neighbors Lotus.
Has she has any accident? This way it will be the insurance company that is the Bad guy..
Its been said lots before: discuss this SOONER rather than later. Don't discuss it when its happening (just like a will, for instance) but when you know its coming down the line.
Thats all I really have to add, my one grandmother has a car but never drives, my other grandmother doesn't leave the house unless somebody takes her somewhere, and my only grandfather is 77 and still driving like a madman
Okay, guess I won't disable the car. No, she hasn't had any accidents in the past eleven years. She's not a particularly bad driver, she just drives very much like an old person. The slow reaction time, lack of physical ability, and her sight going downhill just makes it a bad thing for her to be driving. The good news is that she only drives to church (even though there is one in her facility, she has to go to the one to sit in her own pew with her pewmates) and to the grocery... the place provides a shuttle there.
And no, we really manage nothing in her life. Mom is just there at the doctors appts and similar stuff as she is the executor of the will and the one that, should anything happen, will be in charge.
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