I love a good divorce.

In reply to dean1484 :

No. Like a Miata. Just a goofy, one year color. 

There is a line in Moneyball where Billy Beane is talking to ...the older dude who was on the road to retirement...Played for the Braves....  Anyway, Billy said, "No, we are paying you half a million a year to play for us.  The Yankees are paying you four and a half million to not play for them."

That is how I try to feel every month when the alimony comes out of my account.  Worth every cent.

A friend of mine just annulled his marriage after 11 years and two kids. I didn't think it worked that way but it did for him. $79 for the paperwork vs the $3900 for a divorce from what he said.

The word "annulled" used to mean something to the catholic church... and I guess not much to anyone else. Now it means nothing to anybody. 'Course that's only fair, the word marriage doesn't either...

To ranger, look up the song Better off with the Blues, by Delbert McClinton.  "I still love ya , baby, but I DON"T want 'cha back!!!!"

Seriously, none of you all had prenups?  

I sure as hell made sure we did, and we "practiced" for 10 years before we made the plunge.  It's one of those things you hope you never need but are glad when you have it.  The best time to make sure nobody is totally berkeleyed, and also nobody takes total advantage, is when you both still like each other. 

SWMBO and I don't believe in divorce. We both believe in murder, however. 

It's been ten years since my divorce.   I don't miss her at all but the loss of time with my kids and mid six figure hole in my net wealth grate a bit.   
 

Vasectomies for everyone, change my mind.

Appleseed said:

SWMBO and I don't believe in divorce. We both believe in murder, however. 

I mind my P's and Q's. She is a better shot than I am!

My wife would kill me before leaving me.

In reply to KyAllroad (Jeremy) (Forum Supporter) :

Totally agree as I just finished my big ole deduction in my net worth. Not an angry one but man it cost me a lot. 

Sonic said:

Seriously, none of you all had prenups?  

I sure as hell made sure we did, and we "practiced" for 10 years before we made the plunge.  It's one of those things you hope you never need but are glad when you have it.  The best time to make sure nobody is totally berkeleyed, and also nobody takes total advantage, is when you both still like each other. 

Honestly, we split 'by the book' anyway, so its almost exactly what a prenup would have been.  The reason I suggested them is that without one you are left digging up financial info that is very hard to get many years later, when you could just pull up your prenup file and say 'oh it says right here participant 1 entered with X in assets and participant 2 entered with Y in assets. pay those back out, divide the accrued wealth in half and we're done'

I hear lots of people moan how it cost them xyz.  Did my 'net worth' appear to have dropped $200k+?  Sure.  But it didn't.  It was OUR worth, and now that is divided between us.  It didn't cost me that.  Nothing was stolen from me.  The only thing it cost was some lawyer fees, and those were related to initial disagreements over child custody.  The equitable distribution was fairly straightforward.

Alimony is a different issue, but not something I need to deal with.

In reply to ProDarwin :

I basically agree with you, but it can vary by state, and by other outside factors. 
 

For example... I am the only wage earner in my household.  Not my choice.  It's been a point of contention for over a decade.  I may agree that our net worth at this moment is equally owned and divided, but the State of SC says my future earnings also belong to her in part, and I would pay alimony for the rest of my life (because she has chosen to not work)
 

Additionally, we are at a stage in life when we are losing some of our elderly family members. This means our future has a lot to do with inheritances. Inheritances are not jointly owned.  UNLESS they are deposited in a joint bank account- then they become 2 people's property.  So, it would be possible for me to share my inheritances with her by depositing in a joint account, and her to not share hers with me AND I owe her alimony.

Also, the mortgage debt is in my name.  It's not jointly owned in SC.  So, I could end up with all the debt.

Its not quite as simple as "We earned this together, let's just split things".  But I do agree with you in theory.

I got nothing. Divorces can be as traumatic as a death, or quite amicable.

To OP: Hang in there, accept invites, lean on friends. Positive vibes incomming...

5 years aftery divorce (today is actually the date I left for Florida) and I wouldn't change a thing. To say I upgraded is the understatement of the berkeleyin decade. This one keeps a job and likes video games and pinball...and can cook. 

SVreX (Forum Supporter) said:

In reply to ProDarwin :

I basically agree with you, but it can vary by state, and by other outside factors. 
 

For example... I am the only wage earner in my household.  Not my choice.  It's been a point of contention for over a decade.  I may agree that our net worth at this moment is equally owned and divided, but the State of SC says my future earnings also belong to her in part, and I would pay alimony for the rest of my life (because she has chosen to not work)
 

Additionally, we are at a stage in life when we are losing some of our elderly family members. This means our future has a lot to do with inheritances. Inheritances are not jointly owned.  UNLESS they are deposited in a joint bank account- then they become 2 people's property.  So, it would be possible for me to share my inheritances with her by depositing in a joint account, and her to not share hers with me AND I owe her alimony.

Also, the mortgage debt is in my name.  It's not jointly owned in SC.  So, I could end up with all the debt.

Its not quite as simple as "We earned this together, let's just split things".  But I do agree with you in theory.

I agree the alimony thing is tricky, that's why I said its a separate issue.  Definitely not a straightforward financial distribution.  There doesn't seem to be a good answer there (in cases with children anyway), so a compromise where both parties are equally unhappy seems to be the target.

Inheritance rules are fairly straightforward.  They can be treated as something you bring into the relationship (family equity :) ), but yes, you do need to be careful about how you handle that money.

 SC mortgage rules are interesting... if you get all the debt, do you get all the equity also?  Or does only the mortgage go to you, but the home equity goes to both?  That would be messed up.  In my case I bought my house prior to marriage.  The increased in equity from marriage to separation is what we split.

In reply to Ranger50 :

Man,I am truly, truly sorry.  I dearly know what you are going through.This is something that  you never planned for and it just sucks.  I just have to echo some of the above comments, that it is worth it and your life is going to get better.  You learn what you don't want.I gave myself a year without dating to get my head straight.  It also helped with very well meaning friends and family that wanted to fix me up with whoever.  It was nice to say I was giving myself that time.  I say you have to now live your best life and not compromise on your next.  Go for your best life!  Oh, and make sure after the divorce is final, you throw a massive party!

In reply to thedoc :

I did that the first go round.... it was awesome drag racing all over the country

In reply to ProDarwin :

The house was acquired in my name (while we were married), and the debt was also.  The ownership was later transferred to both of us (but not the debt). The debt is secured by the house. Only 30% equity.
 

Not sure. It would something complicated for lawyers to argue over. 
 

My point was simply that things are not always so simple.

SVreX (Forum Supporter) said:

In reply to ProDarwin :

The house was acquired in my name (while we were married), and the debt was also.  The ownership was later transferred to both of us (but not the debt). The debt is secured by the house. Only 30% equity.
 

Not sure. It would something complicated for lawyers to argue over. 
 

My point was simply that things are not always so simple.

Understood.

All the more reason for mandatory prenup or maybe 'declaration of assets' before marriage :)

03Panther said:

Appleseed said:

SWMBO and I don't believe in divorce. We both believe in murder, however. 

I mind my P's and Q's. She is a better shot than I am!

Her, as well. But I'm good with tools. Booby traps and mechanical sabotage are an easily accessible part of my mind, so It evens out. We both understand this.

In reply to 03Panther :

I haz disappoint. 

I just refer to the American Catholic Church and the Roman Catholic Church at this point.

In reply to Appleseed :

MAD is always a good thing to base a marriage on.

dean1484 said:

Antihero (Forum Supporter) said:

In reply to dean1484 :

If we are going there.....what about the XL Fleet models?

Always preferred the XLT package. Nicely  appointed but not over the top looks and less things to go wrong. Lower maintenance with only the options you really need but still classy enough to go to a high priced joint but is equally at home at the local burger joint. I think that would best describe that option package. 

Just watch out for the ones that used to be rentals.

2011 was the realization that Leann and I were not in the relationship for the same things. We both did each other poorly for years. It left me in a very deep, near suicidal, depression. Moving forward second by second, inch by inch it improves. If you look for improvement frequently you will never see it. You MUST must MUST play the long game emotionally. You must realize that you are about to begin the best part of your life to this point. 

If you need anything please do not ever hesitate to contact me or anyone else that cares. We are here.

Appleseed said:

dean1484 said:

Adrian_Thompson (Forum Supporter) said:

Note. Trainee wife lasted less than a year.  Graduated to the deluxe model and been happily married for 21 and counting.  

Now I am pondering if current wife should be told she is the "deluxe model". . .. . .    ;-)

I'm calling mine Special Edition.

Type-R model here.