One tactic that has worked for me on commutes or places where I drive frequently is to take two-lane roads or places where everyone has to follow along the same path. To me, highways and areas where last minute cut-ins, multiple lanes down to single, etc. gives me 'offense anxiety' where I feel I have to block my space and potential tweak those that feel they are more important then me. It is exhausting.
I thankfully have the opportunity to take side roads to work instead of the highway and while it does add to the time, I'm only really caring about the car in front of me and I just chill out with podcasts.
In reply to Old_Town :
I have been doing this for a while. If I"m driving I will take back roads and two lanes over interstate any time I can. I know it takes longer, but that's ok because I get there less stressed.
I do agree that back roads are much less stressful and is the reason why when I drive one of my "fun" cars I opt to head that direction. My commute is 90% a busy highway and then 10% a busy suburban sprawl town road to my neighborhood, so its a bit of a chaotic mess during peak rush hours. Also, I regularly will pass by cars flipped over or the whole front end COMPLETELY smashed in on the other side of this highway. Insanity.
Now, that doesn't excuse my anger I think, so controlling my anger is what I need and want to do.
Eventually someones going to pull a gun and not give a finger, then you'll stop.
golfduke said:
Sigh... Why does it ALWAYS have to be an altima? haha.
Sometimes, it's a Maxima! Like the one I saw on this morning's commute.
Guy in a recent-model Maxima gets on the already congested highway and proceeds to just cut the wheel left to get to the fast lane, almost clobbering 3 cars, as you do when behind the wheel of a late-model Nissan. Then, once they get there, they immediately brake check some guy in a Silverado on giant chrome wheels, causing them BOTH to engage in the Road Rage Olympics, cutting in and out of traffic and swinging their cars at each other, almost hitting innocent commuters over and over. I can't believe it didn't end up in a breakdown lane brawl.
I really need to get a good dash cam. And don't be either one of those guys!
Well I've been pretty good about controlling myself recently so thats been great. Although one thing about being in a sea of people eager to get to work is that I still arrive where I'm going a bit bothered. And I think its because even though I'm cruising in the right lane, no matter what, if I'm driving fast or slow, people ALWAYS will still get right on my bumper and stay there for awhile before switching lanes...even though I'm in the right lane! And then same thing on one lane local roads...no matter how fast or slow during "rush hour".
Thats probably a me issue but it bothers me to no end. Maybe I should put a shade on my rear view, lol! Any tips to not let the inevitable tailgaters get on your nerves?
In reply to Japanspec :
If 1 person is tailgating you, assume they're a shiny happy person. If everyone is tailgating you, assume you are.
In reply to Japanspec :
Slow to the speed limit. Enjoy the schadenfreude. That's how I deal with tailgating.
Appleseed said:
In reply to Japanspec :
Slow to the speed limit. Enjoy the schadenfreude. That's how I deal with tailgating.
Why try to start a road rage incident? I don't like being tailgated either, but why slow down and further impede someone who is in a hurry? It makes the tailgater much more likely to do something stupid to try to pass you and endanger other people's lives.
In reply to Appleseed :
99% of the time I'm a speed limit driver anyway because I dont feel like having a $200 speeding ticket and points on my license to sit at my desk 5 minutes early. ;)
Also my daily is slow so its not like I can get up to speed at the same rate as these 400+ HP SUVs everyone has these days.
In reply to 90BuickCentury :
Because it's the law? Maybe I'm missing something.
He didn't say slam on the brakes, or slow down below the speed limit.
03Panther said:
In reply to 90BuickCentury :
Because it's the law? Maybe I'm missing something.
He didn't say slam on the brakes, or slow down below the speed limit.
He suggested slowing down to the speed limit for the express purpose of inciting a E36 M3fest, not to comply with the law or for safety or anything positive.
Okay I didn't make it through all of the replies so maybe I'm repeating someone but since you asked, let me throw this out there as kind of a deeper reality check. This is cutting it pretty thick, but some guys like me like to know the final destination before we start down the path of recovery. SO-- as with anxiety, you can manage a lot of this stuff with head knowledge and new practices, but it's just putting a straightjacket on the symptoms, and is not addressing the underlying causes. Here's the meat of the problem:
There are four primary emotions:
hurt
fear
sadness
joy
Note that Anger/Rage is not one of them. If we are not free to express our primary feelings, they get stuffed underground and mutate into other things. Such as "I am hurt that you didn't give me that thing so now I feel anger towards you" or "I am sad that my dog died but I can't be sad so I'm jealous that your dog is healthy" or whatever, you get the gist.
Since you're deep into rage, it means that one of your primary emotions is being touched off and you don't feel safe expressing it or even FEELING or acknowledging whichever more vulnerable primary emotion it was. If I were to hazard a guess, it would be Hurt and so maybe the story goes that you have a deep history of not being respected when you were younger or people trying to push their will on yours (like when people try to crowd you into going faster, or disrespect you by cutting in front as if they don't care you exist) . And so that's an open wound. Just guessing here, but that's common enough.
This is something to deal with ultimately with a counselor, and NOT one who wants to do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (straight jacket/crutch) but one who will encourage you to FEEL your primary feelings (and preferably use Internal Family Systems). Note also that THINKING through the cause does not heal the old wound. Only FEELING the old wound in the company of a safe, encouraging person will allow it to be healed. Like, you're gonna be crying in order to get to the heart of this
Note: this is coming from someone who once traded paint and felt a great deal of shame/embarrassment about it afterward and did a lot of work, too.
In reply to 90BuickCentury :
Because their bullE36 M3 problem is not mine. I don't brake check people. But trying to intimidate me into traveling the speed they want isn't cool. Bare in mind I'm traveling 5-10 over the limit practically everywhere that isn't a neighborhood. I'm not rewarding and reinforcing their E36 M3 behavior by giving them what they want. I usually ignore it because I daily an 8,000lb. truck. There isn't much they could do, even if they wanted to. I know this so it usually frees me from the emotions that come along with road rage.
In reply to P3PPY :
Awesome stuff. ("I resemble that remark")
the "gain control" on most of my emotions is turned down lower than most folks. But my anger management has always been on "HIGH"
being calm and polite is a learned response I've put a LOT of work into.
In reply to Appleseed :
Yeah, I see your point. I guess to me, maintaining your current speed is still showing them that you're not going to go the speed that they want you to go without purposely infuriating them. Also, by slowing down, they are still going to be riding your bumper but additionally, you are now being inconvenienced even more by them because you're now going slower than you want to go. And personally, there are so many uninsured idiots driving around that I'd rather not get rear-ended by them and have them drive off without getting their license plate number.
In reply to 90BuickCentury :
There also seem to be 2 distinct species of bumper humper. The clueless ones that have no sense of spacial distance and are simply pacing you, or the aggro bro dude, usually sawing the wheel back and forth trying to "see" what the problem is.
One I ignore. The other I might not.
Figure it would be fun to update you guys after so long of starting this thread! I've been doing much better with this than previously, so that is wonderful. I've had my slip ups yes, but nothing insane. Much better than before though. Today was a little crazy. As I'm cruising down the right lane, I see a Lexus come up behind me very fast, I hold my position, and theres a jam coming up quick, he then cuts into the on ramp next to me, and cuts in front of me INCHES from my bumper and fender. Well I'm a bit upset so I give him a beep, nothing more. We are sitting in traffic and he decided to get on the shoulder, I start going past confused since I'm already over it, its been a few mins and we're in traffic. He then paces me in the shoulder, cuts close in front again, open his door and stares. I just put my hand up at him indicating I dont want any issues, and he starts cutting up through traffic after yelling something incoherent.
Anyway, are we not honking anymore?! That was a bit unsettling there, its not like I was running him off the road or anything, lol. Man, people are not okay these days.
Good to hear that you're getting a handle on your issues, tailgaters just don't bother me.....I just ignore them.
However, I've found a good dash cam is something you should have these days as there are just too many easily triggered people out there - and some of them are only doing it so they can make a big insurance claim. Others are just as liable to haul out a gun and perforate you or your car.
I've seen so many YouTube video's of people brake checking Semis of all things - and clearly every semi these days has a dash cam as well as GPS monitoring, so the rear ended car always loses.
I was going home in evening traffic one night on the 4 lane divided when I saw a guy in late model pickup powering thru traffic, riding the bumpers of other cars and forcing people to hit the brakes as he swerved in front of them. No idea why he thought this tactic would work as we were in bumper to bumper traffic for miles and miles. When he crammed his truck in front of me then had to jam the brakes on to not run up the other guy's bumper, I reached over and picked up my phone and held it in the windshield to make it look like I was taking a pic of his license plate or even videoing him. He immediately calmed down and the next 5 miles or so to his exit he simply moved along with traffic. I don't know if he had a family emergency and that's why he was driving like that, or if that's just his normal evening rush hour style, but the camera sure seemed to have an impact......
Good on you, Japanspec!
Every second that you spend negatively reacting to another person is time that person has gotten over on you. He's living in his (or her) world of E36 M3, and you've said "Hey gimme some of that E36 M3. Let's sling it back and forth".
Thanks guys! Yes definitely a good feeling to not get involved. I am not sure how a little honk had this guy go this crazy, so that made me question myself a bit, but I have not escalated anything myself or given an equally crappy response. I was a bit proud of myself for my de-escalation tactic with the hand, as small as it may have been! Just have to keep on keeping on and continue improving day by day.
When I get mad at somebody driving, I turn it around.
I give a quick beep beep, big E36 M3 eating smile, and give them the double thumbs up!
It helps me. They usually back down and I got to express that they suck at driving.
In reply to wvumtnbkr :
I blew a kiss at a guy on 95 once and it really confused him.
